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AIBU?

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Original poster

He makes noise constantly

110 replies

Minimeltdown · 17/08/2023 10:56

My husband won’t fucking shut up.

He’s either clearing his throat, doing this awful, gross hiccup/belch thing like an inward burp accompanied by a frog sound, coughing loudly, performance-sneezing to the point that it makes my ears ring, sniffing or stomping around. We have wooden floors upstairs and he makes the ceiling light shake with his clanging footsteps.

I don’t know if it’s always this bad, or if I’m just tetchy at the moment.

WIBU to tell him how much NOISE he makes constantly and that he needs to stop?

Or is it just involuntary and I need to cope with it?

(So as not to drip feed, I struggle with eating sounds in general/possible misphonia, but his eating doesn’t bother me that much)

OP posts:
DepartureLounge · 17/08/2023 13:11

I had one of these. Constant chompy-lipsmacking and under-the-breath-moaning noises while he was eating, repulsive throat clearing, performative coughing. When the hayfever season began, he had a nasty scratchy-rubby noise he would do in his throat, and in the cold and flu season, there was a vile daily steam inhalation ritual that involved hacking up imaginary phlegm into my best saucepans, regardless of whether or not he actually had a cold. On top of that, he also couldn't sing in tune, though he wouldn't have it, and insisted on humming/dirging along whenever music was playing. And if that wasn't bad enough, he also had a habit of turning Radio 4 on whenever he was in the room and then leaving it on when he left - even though he knew I dislike talk radio. I can't even speak of the farting.

He gets to do it all in the privacy of his own home now, though I suspect he doesn't bother without an audience.

Suffice to say, I feel your pain, OP.

InSpainTheRain · 17/08/2023 13:12

That would gross me out OP, YANBU. I'd find a time when it was suitable and quietly tell him that his ever increasing repertoire of bodily noises is deeply unattractive.

I was on a train recently and it packed the guy standing next to me was constantly coughing (no tissues, didn't even use his hand), and wiping his nose with his hand. I handed him a pack of tissues and said "please use these" he was shocked. Didn't even seem to realise, but he did have the grace to go bright red.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 17/08/2023 13:16

I doubt he is unusually noisy - I just don't think couples are meant to be crammed in the same space all the time. If you were out all day and he was out all day he wouldn't be getting on your nerves.

I think working at home us a poor long term option for most people for many reasons, of which this is one.

FictionalCharacter · 17/08/2023 13:16

Minimeltdown · 17/08/2023 11:14

Jesus. Now he’s drinking tea with a lip smack and a ‘ahhh’ sigh after each sip.

I am properly pissy today.

Both my parents used to do this. And they used to slurp instead of sip, quite loudly. It was all as though they’d never had tea before, were trying it for the first time and thought it was the nectar of the gods. But somehow they managed not to do it at a cafe, restaurant or at someone else’s house. 🤔

My dh has developed a habit of clearing his throat in the loudest, most repulsive way imaginable. He does a long, very loud, phlegmy, cchhhrrmmmm noise. Over and over again. He isn’t doing it at the moment but I dread the next time he gets a cough or cold. It’s definitely possible to clear your throat more discreetly, it isn’t just natural or involuntary to make that much noise.

Cloudsandrainnotsunandsand · 17/08/2023 13:17

Headphones.. Without an audience he may grow up..
May...

TheYearOfSmallThings · 17/08/2023 13:19

I'd find a time when it was suitable and quietly tell him that his ever increasing repertoire of bodily noises is deeply unattractive.

However bear in mind he might take this to mean the relationship is essentially over. That's what I would take from such a comment, because I certainly wouldn't be holding my breath and going in the back garden to blow my nose, or tiptoeing across rooms because my increasingly twitchy husband couldn't stand to hear me.

idebtiy · 17/08/2023 13:19

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

Glwysen · 17/08/2023 13:22

My dad came to stay for a few days, a stream of bodily noises plus constant narration in the gaps. It is like he will cease to exist if he isn’t making a noise!

Marwoodsbigbreak · 17/08/2023 13:26

I remember telling a good friend that my DH and I were going to separate.

She asked me “Do all his eating noises really irritate you now?” YES!!!!!

I think it’s part of the ick

areyouhavinglaugh · 17/08/2023 13:31

Jesus Christ as soon as my son hit 20 he started this shit too!
His dad doesn't do it.

So no idea why he thinks it's acceptable!

Hacking cough with phlegm performance, constant noises and rambling on commentating everything he does! Maybe he watched too much you tube and thinks we want to know his every move? 🤣

I did have a word with him about it and commented that if he's living with someone please do not do this! He doesn't do it with his girlfriend so there is hope!

Purplebuttercup · 17/08/2023 13:32

My disgusting DH had the audacity to give me a look when I moved to the other end of the table from him today. He was putting too much uncut food in his mouth then letting some drop back out onto the plate as he chewed.

He also does the gross inward burps, eats so loudly the TV has to be paused or subtitles added if he's snacking and relishes doing performance belches, farts, nose-blows and sneezes. It's grim and either I was blind to it before we married or he's got worse over the years, because I can't imagine dating someone doing that for long!!

tootiredtobother · 17/08/2023 13:38

oh I have found my tribe.. husband does the throat clearing, no phlegm , just the noise morning noon and night. When I pointed it out he said it was the toothpaste tickling his throat, I said 'what are you 6 and swallowing it' !
then he changed explanation to his hayfever, on and on they don't know they are doing it and yes it's worse once they reach 60

Gardenhair · 17/08/2023 13:42

Some women are like this, I worked with a woman who just farted all day whatever the weather

Ostryga · 17/08/2023 13:42

I would spend the rest of my life in prison if I lived with someone like that. Just reading it has given me the rage.

I can’t stand loud eaters and have thankfully trained 6yr old Dd to eat nicely.

I once dated someone who was incredibly beautiful, but we went out for dinner and he ate the entire meal with his mouth open. Oh my word, not ashamed to say I did ghost him after that.

RatherBeRiding · 17/08/2023 13:43

I was on a train recently and it packed the guy standing next to me was constantly coughing (no tissues, didn't even use his hand), and wiping his nose with his hand. I handed him a pack of tissues and said "please use these" he was shocked. Didn't even seem to realise, but he did have the grace to go bright red.

Respect!!

Purplebuttercup · 17/08/2023 13:43

@tootiredtobother even worse at 60?! I'm doomed then, mine's not even 40 yet!!

Aquamarine1029 · 17/08/2023 13:45

It's peri-menopause. We no longer have the ability or inclination to deal with this fuckwittery.

Blossomandbee · 17/08/2023 13:47

My DH has become a sniffer, and sniffing is one sound I cannot stand. When I snap and tell him to blow his nose he says nothing comes out, but then continues sniffing. Accompanying this he is always doing huge, loud completely dry hooting nose blows that you can hear through the whole house.
He's taken to randomly doing loud sigh/groans all the time that sound borderline sexual.
To top it off he snores like a pig, mouth breaths and sounds like he's run a marathon if he so much as walks down the stairs.
He wasn't like this when we met Sad

Redavocadoes · 17/08/2023 13:53

Posts like this make me so glad I'm a late life lesbian. What is it with men that as they get older they have to make sure everyone knows they are there the whole time. It's a sound based version of manspreading. Ugh.

Tessisme · 17/08/2023 13:56

I have one of these at home too. He exaggerates his reaction to every minor mishap, yelling out to the point where you think his leg has been chewed off when all he's done is drop a plastic lid on the floor or spill a few cornflakes. And I definitely relate to the wet eating, snorting, sniffing, hacking, coughing and the lug busting sneezes.

And just to add to the mix, he doesn't keep his inner monologue inner. He verbalises it. All the live long day. He's like one of those on-the-scene-as-events-unfold roving reporters, except all he's doing is rinsing out a milk carton for recycling.

idebtiy · 17/08/2023 13:58

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

Anxioys · 17/08/2023 14:00

Redavocadoes · 17/08/2023 13:53

Posts like this make me so glad I'm a late life lesbian. What is it with men that as they get older they have to make sure everyone knows they are there the whole time. It's a sound based version of manspreading. Ugh.

Yes exactly. My house is quiet and clean! Bliss. Performative noise is very tedious

Hoooodoyouthink · 17/08/2023 14:08

Are you perimenopausal by any chance?

When my hormones started going wappy I started to find every single noise my DH makes absolutely rage inducing. I'm sure he's always been as annoying but everything felt MAGNIFIED.

mickandrorty · 17/08/2023 14:18

yeah my husband started this shit, every time he did it i told him to stop it or shut up depending on how pissed off i was, he doesn't do it anymore so i think its a voluntary thing.

marygirling · 17/08/2023 14:19

Together 20 years and DH adds to his catalogue of irritating noises annually.

This year, it's a performative sneeze that you can hear across the house. & When I question it.... 'Its just how I sneeze. Aren't I allowed to sneeze?'. He is in his fifties and this drawn out - high pitched scream-sneeze is entirely new.

I wonder what will be next? Playing the theme tune to Johnnie Briggs when he farts?