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Original poster

To not understand this

81 replies

Starsandmoon99 · 16/08/2023 13:55

I’ve been seeing a guy for around 6 months. We get on well, have fun, I enjoy his company and was happy were things were going. We often go on dates

we had a bit of a conversation last night about things and he said he enjoys my company too but he wants to keep it as it is. he said he would like to take me away somewhere too. but he said he doesn’t want a relationship as it’s not the right time, he just wants to keep things how they are? Still go on dates and do all the relationship things but he said he doesn’t like to put labels on things

OP posts:
YukoandHiro · 16/08/2023 13:57

What's not to understand? He doesn't want to have any commitment or responsibilities- he's a fuck buddy.
If you want more, bin him off.

Greensleeves · 16/08/2023 13:57

He's being honest, at least - he doesn't want commitment. The relationship won't progress, and he'll be open to better offers.

If that isn't what you want, then end it now. I certainly would.

Anewuser · 16/08/2023 13:57

That’s because he’s not that into you.

If you want confirmation, find another boyfriend then see his reaction.

Ella31 · 16/08/2023 13:58

If you are happy with this arrangement, fair enough but if not, you deserve someone who wants the real deal. It would be foolish to continue with this and think he will change his mind.

BibbleandSqwauk · 16/08/2023 13:58

It's not hard to understand. He's told you he wants to keep things on this casual basis with no ideas of marriage anf babies. I applaud his honesty...it's refreshing. Might not be what you want to hear but better than future faking and wasting years of your life.

Original poster
Starsandmoon99 · 16/08/2023 14:05

Thanks, yes glad he has been honest. Just at 6 months in I do have feelings for him so it’s difficult, I’d like to keep seeing him but I guess I just want more

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 16/08/2023 14:08

You're not The One. I'm sorry, but it's true.

You want more so I would be making a very quick exit because he's only going to waste your time. If you want a future with marriage and/or kids, you need to move on. Be thankful he's been honest.

hygieneversustheplanet · 16/08/2023 14:09

The six month mark is a reasonable one to wonder where your relationship is going.

He has been very honest with you here. Have you noticed that you are seeing each other more as time has gone on? You mention he wants to take you away somewhere? That seems like it's developing. Or maybe not.

You could give it another period of time (you decide how long) and then revisit things. Maybe he doesn't want to jinx things by putting a label on it just yet. I often wish I'd done this in the past. I'm female and men have always moved too fast for me and locked things down before I was ready and I was too passive there instead of saying how I felt. That's my boring all story though!

But if you think you're going to fall hard and get hurt if he never feels the way you do, end it before things go any further.

Notimeforaname · 16/08/2023 14:09

He just wants to have you attention but the opportunity to have more from others.

I wouldn't stay with him.

You're right, you will want more and itll torment you.
Find the strength to end things because it's all his way and his needs being met here.

If you're happy to put his wants and needs above your own, stay with him.

Sparklesocks · 16/08/2023 14:10

He likes having fun with you but wants to keep his options open. Sorry OP.

Whataretheodds · 16/08/2023 14:11

Starsandmoon99 · 16/08/2023 14:05

Thanks, yes glad he has been honest. Just at 6 months in I do have feelings for him so it’s difficult, I’d like to keep seeing him but I guess I just want more

You won't get more from him and if you hold out hope for it you'll be disappointed.

Did you discuss exclusivity?

It may be tempting to carry on taking what this guys has to offer but in reality if you've caught feelings 1) you'll get hurt and 2) you will not be emotionally or logistically available to meet guys who could offer you much more.

ManateeFair · 16/08/2023 14:12

It seems pretty clear to me.

He's saying that he likes seeing you for dates and sex, but doesn't want anything more than that and considers himself a single man, with all the benefits that entails.

Basically he's a) leaving his options open to sleep with other people if he wants to and b) and he doesn't want to get involved in any other aspect of your life. He just wants a fun time where you date and have sex, not a partnership where your lives are intertwined.

Whataretheodds · 16/08/2023 14:12

Also, I think if this were a month or 2 in you'd get different responses but after 6 he should know enough to piss or get off the pot.

Original poster
Starsandmoon99 · 16/08/2023 14:13

Yes we have been seeing each other more and more as time has gone on and he said he wants to book a weekend away somewhere

OP posts:
Taketurn · 16/08/2023 14:14

YukoandHiro · 16/08/2023 13:57

What's not to understand? He doesn't want to have any commitment or responsibilities- he's a fuck buddy.
If you want more, bin him off.

There's literally nothing more to it than that OP. It's not that hard to understand.

ManateeFair · 16/08/2023 14:14

Starsandmoon99 · 16/08/2023 14:05

Thanks, yes glad he has been honest. Just at 6 months in I do have feelings for him so it’s difficult, I’d like to keep seeing him but I guess I just want more

Honestly, OP, I think if you continue like this you'll end up getting hurt. Six months into a relationship is not an unreasonable to be thinking about where things are going, and if he's still saying he 'doesn't want to put a label on things' I think he's messing you around. You could find someone better!

Original poster
Starsandmoon99 · 16/08/2023 14:15

He says he is not a relationship kind of guy as it causes ‘too much stress’

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 16/08/2023 14:16

Dump him now. He basically wants to keep all the sex and perks and emotional support and a travel buddy, but offer you no commitment whatsoever and presumably it’s implied he’s free to hook up with other people? Even if that isn’t true (non-exclusivity) you need to end this unless you like feeling demeaned and never having any of your own needs met.

Sorry, it sounds horribly hard.

VinEtFromage · 16/08/2023 14:16

YukoandHiro · 16/08/2023 13:57

What's not to understand? He doesn't want to have any commitment or responsibilities- he's a fuck buddy.
If you want more, bin him off.

That's not a fuck buddy.

@Starsandmoon99 it sounds like he doesn't want a commitment, doesn't want you to have any expectations of him.

Fepends how you feel about that.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/08/2023 14:16

Starsandmoon99 · 16/08/2023 14:15

He says he is not a relationship kind of guy as it causes ‘too much stress’

They all say that until they meet the right person.

FourTeaFallOut · 16/08/2023 14:16

He's dead wood if you are looking for a long lasting relationship. He's had the good grace to tell you, I suppose.

Sparklesocks · 16/08/2023 14:17

Starsandmoon99 · 16/08/2023 14:15

He says he is not a relationship kind of guy as it causes ‘too much stress’

So he wants all the ‘benefits’ of a relationship - quality time, sex, attention etc - but with none of the commitment or labelling, so he can drop you if he gets bored/find someone else without being the ‘bad guy’ because he didn’t lead you on.

SmileyClare · 16/08/2023 14:18

Well he’s put a label on what you have- a casual no strings relationship- so I find that a bit of a wanky statement.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/08/2023 14:19

He definitely has a label. It's "My Way or the Highway."

NEXT.

indyocean · 16/08/2023 14:19

This mancode for he wants to date (have sex with) other people