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Original poster

To not understand this

81 replies

Starsandmoon99 · 16/08/2023 13:55

I’ve been seeing a guy for around 6 months. We get on well, have fun, I enjoy his company and was happy were things were going. We often go on dates

we had a bit of a conversation last night about things and he said he enjoys my company too but he wants to keep it as it is. he said he would like to take me away somewhere too. but he said he doesn’t want a relationship as it’s not the right time, he just wants to keep things how they are? Still go on dates and do all the relationship things but he said he doesn’t like to put labels on things

OP posts:
Kitkatcatflap · 17/08/2023 00:52

I would leave now, especially if you are developing feelings for him.

He probably does like you but he is also saying that he likes it the way it is with no progress ....... No relationship labels means no talk of moving in, joint purchases, plus kids and marriage are off the table.

His text would have put my back up. You have to go and condor him. Don't think so. Do you want a 2 years of the same before he tells you 'I've met someone ..... Hey, come on don't get upset. You know we were friends. I was always honest with you'

Wakintoblueskies · 17/08/2023 01:03

PaminaMozart · 17/08/2023 00:34

Indeed.

@Starsandmoon99 - what more do you need to know?

He spelt it out for you: he said he wants me to come round and stroke his hair and make him feel better

Right now you are serving a purpose.
But there is no emotional connection as far as he is concerned.

This is never going to go anywhere.

Cut your losses now.

Show quote history

This. From someone who has been where you are now But of course my feelings made it too hard for me to cut him loose. Until he slept with someone else. And then he told me he had never strung me along. But my feelings had just grown even more in the meantime. I was so terribly terribly hurt and blamed myself.
Run OP.

Mmhmmn · 17/08/2023 01:10

Starsandmoon99 · 16/08/2023 22:59

@Whataretheodds He hasn’t asked how I am today, just how is he feeling

Going to call it - he's a narc

Mmhmmn · 17/08/2023 01:13

With some serious mother issues. (I'd bet on it)

😂

calmcoco · 17/08/2023 01:16

Starsandmoon99 · 16/08/2023 22:53

He has messaged me to say he doesn’t want me to take it in the wrong way, he says he cares a lot about me and doesn’t want anything to change, doesn’t want to lose me and hopes it hasn’t put me off, he said he wants me to come round and stroke his hair and make him feel better and tell him everything is going to be ok?

I just don’t want to get in too deep and get too emotionally attached if that makes sense, not sure what to do

I can't roll my eyes hard enough at this Hmm

Please don't waste any more time on this self-obsessed dickhead.

MagentaMoon · 17/08/2023 01:50

Starsandmoon99 · 16/08/2023 22:53

He has messaged me to say he doesn’t want me to take it in the wrong way, he says he cares a lot about me and doesn’t want anything to change, doesn’t want to lose me and hopes it hasn’t put me off, he said he wants me to come round and stroke his hair and make him feel better and tell him everything is going to be ok?

I just don’t want to get in too deep and get too emotionally attached if that makes sense, not sure what to do

Uuugh, yuk. That made me feel sick. He wants you to mother him, make him feel better, when he's been using you?

This man does not care about you. If you want no-strings-attached sex then continue until it has run its course, and it will. But only if you are certain you are robust enough not to get emotionally entangled and elevate it to more than it is and be upset when he ghosts you and suddenly finds he is perfectly happy to commit.... to someone else.

But you know you can't do that because you have feelings for him. He let you believe up to now that this was going somewhere because that was convenient: he knew that you wanted that as it would have been obcious from your behaviour even if not explicitly discussed. He has no respect for you. Yoh need to end this and cut contact with him or this will cause you a lot of pain and damage to your self-esteem.

MagentaMoon · 17/08/2023 01:55

The stroking hair comment has given me the ick. 🤢

Narcissistic, self-indulgent little wanker. Tell him to fuck off OP and that you're not a support human.

StellaLaBella · 17/08/2023 02:06

Starsandmoon99 · 16/08/2023 13:55

I’ve been seeing a guy for around 6 months. We get on well, have fun, I enjoy his company and was happy were things were going. We often go on dates

we had a bit of a conversation last night about things and he said he enjoys my company too but he wants to keep it as it is. he said he would like to take me away somewhere too. but he said he doesn’t want a relationship as it’s not the right time, he just wants to keep things how they are? Still go on dates and do all the relationship things but he said he doesn’t like to put labels on things

I once heard someone counsel there's only two types of marriages that work. First is when you are both equally in love with each other. Second is when he is more in love with you than you are with him. And she's right.

So, nah sis, sack him off

Sameold23 · 17/08/2023 04:43

You're fulfilling a lot of his needs whilst he's waiting for someone better to come along. It's really hard but I would consider ending it to protect yourself.

manchesterbreak · 17/08/2023 05:41

The weekend away isn't a sign of commitment it just shows he enjoys your company. Its easily cancelled if needed it also could be him "throwing you a bone' to ease what hes saying. He's been very clear doesn't want a relationship so you can either stay in dating phase or split up. The issue is if you stay you are alway going to be waiting/hoping for him to change his mind which is not a healthy place to be . If he wanted to commit he would and he doesn't. Personally I would protect my own feelings and move on than risk caring more for someone who doesn't want to invest in me.

manchesterbreak · 17/08/2023 05:44

Sorry missed your last two posts before I answered. I'd be kind of pissed if I were you. So he expects you to make him feel better because he has potentially upset you. Absolutely not.

JanglingJack · 17/08/2023 05:45

He wants his cake and eat it.

Possibly with some sides elsewhere.

6 months is long enough to make a decision. Commit or not (I'm talking marriage!). Do you want to be just some girl to him though?

JanglingJack · 17/08/2023 05:46

JanglingJack · 17/08/2023 05:45

He wants his cake and eat it.

Possibly with some sides elsewhere.

6 months is long enough to make a decision. Commit or not (I'm talking marriage!). Do you want to be just some girl to him though?

Oh god

I'm *NOT talking marriage!!

TerfTalking · 17/08/2023 05:47

In the nicest possible way OP, you’re clutching at straws.

throw him back, you’re not even on the same book let alone same page.

SD1978 · 17/08/2023 05:51

He's happy with the illusion of a relationship, regular company with someone he knows and probably does care about- but is also able to shag someone else guilt free

murielstacey · 17/08/2023 05:55

I actually only comment quite rarely but, OP, please, please end it with this man. He doesn't care enough about you. I'm sure he's nice enough but he's totally self absorbed and you deserve someone that is really clear about his feelings for you.

The stroking his hair line is also incredibly cringey.

TheBrightestStarInTheSky · 17/08/2023 05:56

He's a waste of space.
Why enter into a relationship then decide you don't one?
Don't be one of those women that put up with this crap and lower the bar.

TheBrightestStarInTheSky · 17/08/2023 05:58

Don't give him the perks of a relationship, see if he sticks around.

coffeealwayscoffee · 17/08/2023 06:09

I was in your exact position. For 10 months and he utterly broke my heart.

All along he was honest about not wanting commitment, really enjoyed my company, wanted to keep things separate (kids, friends etc).

I stayed because I thought he’d change his mind. We had an amazing connection and had so much fun together. He told me he really cared about me.

The reality was, he had the girlfriend experience with none of the responsibility. He didn’t have to consider me in any of his plans outside of us. Was pure selfishness on his part.

I was his emotional support, sex on tap, child free fun.

We had all this exclusively btw, he wasn’t interested in anyone else but ultimately, that counted for shit because he still didn’t want a relationship with me.

My advice would be to leave now before you get any deeper into it.

CheekyHobson · 17/08/2023 06:13

he said he wants me to come round and stroke his hair and make him feel better and tell him everything is going to be ok?

Ewwwwww this would make my vagina clamp shut like a vice around him forever. So self-absorbed and pathetic.

LemonTreeSkies · 17/08/2023 06:16

Urgh! Did he also ask you to sing Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty to him?

Jennygosoftly · 17/08/2023 06:21

"he said he wants me to come round and stroke his hair and make him feel better and tell him everything is going to be ok?"

He's a grown man who's acting like a little boy who wants Mummy to "kiss it better".
Tell this latter-day Peter Pan that your name isn't "Wendy" and you're off to get yourself a real man,

Then do just that, and do it now.

NewYorkFirstTimer · 17/08/2023 06:31

coffeealwayscoffee · 17/08/2023 06:09

I was in your exact position. For 10 months and he utterly broke my heart.

All along he was honest about not wanting commitment, really enjoyed my company, wanted to keep things separate (kids, friends etc).

I stayed because I thought he’d change his mind. We had an amazing connection and had so much fun together. He told me he really cared about me.

The reality was, he had the girlfriend experience with none of the responsibility. He didn’t have to consider me in any of his plans outside of us. Was pure selfishness on his part.

I was his emotional support, sex on tap, child free fun.

We had all this exclusively btw, he wasn’t interested in anyone else but ultimately, that counted for shit because he still didn’t want a relationship with me.

My advice would be to leave now before you get any deeper into it.

With utter fucking bells on. I was exactly here too and I hate him now. Dump this twat instantly, as for that stroke my hair comment... RANCID!

bladebladebla1 · 17/08/2023 06:34

I had a few of these. One of them I fell hard for and really thought I would change his mind. God I cringe at my younger self now but it's fucking hard when they like you but not enough. 😢

Trixiefirecracker · 17/08/2023 06:49

He’s giving your tiny crumbs of love and attention but not the whole cake. He’s saving that for someone else and keeping his options open and why not? You are fulfilling everything he needs without any of the hard emotional work and commitment that comes from being in a relationship. He is not your person and you can ( and will) do much better but you need to sweep the dickheads out of the way to make room for the right one.