How many sexual partners is too many?

[pontipinemum]

I was watching Ireland am and they said according to a survey (I can't find which one) that people over the age of 35 think that once your count of sexual partners/ lovers/ flings what ever you want to call it reaches 20 it becomes a concern.

I don't think that number sounds too high for a single person at 35. I was with my 1st bf for 2 years (16-18) 2nd bf (18 - 22) then met DH at 23 and would have had a few shorter term things so my 'number' is low. I was DH's 1st serious relationship, he probably has a much higher number IDK what it is.

I have a few friends who have been pretty much single their entire adult life. I can see that hitting the 20 mark could happen pretty easily, if you lose your virginity at 18 that's really not many at all. These are 'respectable' professional women (actuary/ solicitor/ accountant) who just happen to not have met the right man and like a bit of sex!

YABU - More than 20 is cause for concern
YANBU - 20 really isn't that high

@pontipinemum @WWhataretheodds I just added my relationship as it might make a difference as to my answer. I've been with my husband since we were both young basically.

But I still think at my age now, if i were single again, the higher the number, the less I'd be interested. One night stands aren't my cup of tea. I'd only sleep with someone I was in a relationship with.

One more than you have consented to is a problem. Otherwise, no problem!

I don’t think 20s too high at all.

I don’t know what the number is, it’s different for everyone and depends on age etc.

But I was seeing a guy who was around 23 and he had slept with over 200 women (which I completely believe) and it put me off straight away.
If he’d been having sex since 16 then it’s only about 30 women a year, so 2/3 women a month which isn’t that many but it just gave me the ick

These are not my views, but thought I'd throw this onto the mix...

I saw a podcast where a (quite sexist) man was saying that a man's value (in the eyes of women) is often based on success, power, looks, money, stability... Women don't date 'down', you rarely find women happy supporting a non-working man at home. He said that men don't care about how much money a woman earns, they just want a faithful woman who takes care of them and isn't a pain (his words). The value of the man is what he has achieved, whereas the value of the woman is how she is perceived. Women can often overlook a lot of exes if a man is making a lot of money, but men can't overlook a lot of exes, even if a woman is making a lot of money.

Why is it that if you ask most men what they prefer, they'll say virgins (72 for Muslims!)... but women 'often' seem to say someone who knows what they're doing.

My views start here:
I just look at it mathematically, one or two a year is nothing, and I'm 40... so 40 people is not a hard number to reach!

Ridiculous question
There is no number that is 'too many' for either males or females as long as they are consenting adults

I'm interested in the comments about one night stands, as if that's how you rack the numbers up. As per my previous post, you could quite easily get to that number and have zero one night stands. You could be seeing someone for a month, sleep with them, continue seeing them for a month and sleeping together before going your separate ways.
Also - there's a lot of great comments on this thread about how women's rights and now in this day and age, awareness of red flags and bad behaviour has changed dating for the better. There will be more sexual partners, because a man has to actually earn his place in a woman's life with kind and loving behaviour, so anyone not fitting that can be cast aside - you aren't (like many women of the past) left desperately trying to make this man 'work' for fear of being ostracised if you leave him.