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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People that go on about dieting and weight

89 replies

Catwiththecream · 16/08/2023 00:01

Aibu to think this is just a big social no no? Before I start it's worth me saying I am not on a diet. I'm a size 6 and for my height and activity level this is entirely sustainable. This post isn't about me just not wanting to hear about diets but rather and observation that generally this topic of conversation is awful. I have really noticed recently how depressing it is to be around people that constantly go on about dieting and who monitor food. Just the other day I was at one of my fiancées relatives houses for dinner and from the moment we stepped foot inside all conversations seemed to go back to weight and dieting. It started when I mentioned that I'd donated a lot of my old summer clothes this year and been wearing the same things over and over ( the conversation was about a bootfair me and fiancée did before starting to pack our stuff up to move house ). His relatives response was 'well you can at your size'. Fair enough, most would see this as a compliment I suppose and I'm not thin skinned enough to say this is a problem but what followed was 'it must take a lot of work though, we aren't eating lunch at the moment'. I never know what to say to these sort of conversations, especially as the 'we' she was referring to was her, her dh and her daughter ( adult ) living with them. It would be so rude of me to comment and also I'm there to have a nice time with them not give a shit about how many calories they're allowing themselves that week. So the conversation about bootfairs and clearing out cupboards had made its way to weight territory. Next was dinner, this time another guest discarded of the fat on their meat and made a point of mentioning it when it could have just been left on the side of their plate so everyone else eating could enjoy the meal, but no instead it was 'I had to cut the fat off! Way too much'. Again, what do you say to that? Dessert time we are all asked how much we want as the chocolate torte is being cut into slices, que the 'oh no that's way too big less please' comments whilst the tiniest, borderline insulting slither is cut of an indulgent but lovely cake someone has made about bought along. All night conversation naturally goes back to people's weight no matter how it starts...'saw Teresa today, she's doing well, you actually wouldn't recognise her'...and it doesn't end there. In my office today as we all eat lunch at our desks the conversation inevitably drifts onto what we're all eating, whether it's healthy, so and so has cut down on cheese, on the other side of the room we have someone just eating salad. I don't care what anyone eats or weighs, it's none of my business & I don't want to ever talk or hear about what people are eating either. I feel sorry for anyone trying to lose weight in the room when these conversations are bought up but it surprises me how common place they are. Aibu? Is it okay to talk about weight/fat/diets so much or does it just make everyone feel miserable and awkward like it does with me? How do you shut down the conversation or divert off it when it keeps going back there? It drives me mad!

OP posts:
Notbeinfunnehbut · 16/08/2023 00:09

I’m on the other end of the scale plus size

but yes I totally agree it’s very tedious and attention seeking,
I do think I’m some women it’s a form of mental illness when it’s all they go on about
and women are heavily socialised that way

I have to be very careful in terms of what I discuss about diet in public, as a bigger person, as I’m essentially already viewed as public property & that my body is up for discussion.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 16/08/2023 00:11

Just smile and nod and change the subject.

MajesticWhine · 16/08/2023 00:21

YANBU it's incredibly boring. I think you have to just keep trying to make light of it and change the topic of conversation to something more interesting.

GarlicGrace · 16/08/2023 00:22

It's social enforcement. Women are supposed to be anxious about their bodies, to keep themselves hungry, and to police other women. It's fucking mind-numbing, and quite upsetting to see it in action.

But while we're here ... let me just say "we've forgotten what a healthy weight looks like", "massive salad", "keto" and "vanity sizing" 😉

CallieQ · 16/08/2023 00:40

Easy for you to talk size 6

Original poster
Catwiththecream · 16/08/2023 00:40

Im glad it's not just me based on these responses! I think you're all onto something about women bring socialised to be this way, my mum and her friends constantly spoke about diets when I was growing up. I think in a way its maybe considered odd to be okay with your body and a bit of indulgence amongst friends. I have one friend who is a larger lady and absolutely gorgeous. Luckily she never succumbs to being on a diet just because society says we should all be as we are total foodies and I love meeting up with her because if we share a bottle of wine at the pub I just know she will say yes when I suggest a second one and a sharing board off the menu😂I just couldn't do that with some friends and it's such a shame. I'm all for looking after ourselves but weight is such a difficult topic for most people anyway I just wish it wasn't bought up.

OP posts:
Rogue1001MNer · 16/08/2023 00:41

Dieting is boring, but also all-encompassing
A bit like your OP

VikingLady · 16/08/2023 00:42

It's very dependent on your social group, I find. When I worked in an office I'd have agreed, and joined in too. Since I had ND kids that pick up on EVERYTHING I say and want everything explaining and justifying, I stopped.

My social group now are mostly people who've at least partially removed themselves from mainstream society - they're almost all home educating hippy types, and I don't remember the last time diet was discussed other than in regards to health (allergies and diabetes). It's just not a thing that comes up. If I make a cake for a group meet up I can guarantee it'll get eaten and complimented and no one will complain about the calories, and everyone will take the size they actually want, which varies a lot more than you'd think.

It's a relief!

Doingtheboxerbeat · 16/08/2023 00:44

I think it's the same as giving up smoking and drinking (which I am struggling to do as we speak), it's such a massive sacrifice that it's all you can think about and food is so much more of a ball ache because you have to eat .

Original poster
Catwiththecream · 16/08/2023 00:44

CallieQ · 16/08/2023 00:40

Easy for you to talk size 6

I don't want to talk about it that's my point lol! I'd rather amongst friends and company in general such personal and potentially triggering ( for some anyway ) issues were just not discussed. I'm not suggesting a new law that we can't talk about diets lol I just feel like it's all I ever hear lately though and people have so many more interesting things going on than how their bodies look. I'd rather hear about their goals at work, how their families are getting on, what's they've read or watched that week, basically anything that won't make anyone feel rubbish about how they look when its so meaningless.

OP posts:
frecklejuice · 16/08/2023 00:46

I'm fat and I hate it but it's fucking hard trying to lose it so sometimes it's nice to talk about it with other people. I also hate being the "fat one" so in front of you I'd probably make a self deprecating joke about my weight as a way of acknowledging that I know I'm fat but I'm trying to do something about it.

Original poster
Catwiththecream · 16/08/2023 00:49

Doingtheboxerbeat · 16/08/2023 00:44

I think it's the same as giving up smoking and drinking (which I am struggling to do as we speak), it's such a massive sacrifice that it's all you can think about and food is so much more of a ball ache because you have to eat .

That is a good point / perspective. I suppose if it is a challenge going on in someone's life people probably do talk about it more. Maybe I should be less concerned about people talking about dieting and more concerned about the fact that maintaining a body we're all happy with is so difficult in society diets are so common place. I wonder if its the stress of modern living, the cost of living, pressures to be too slim to meet beauty standards, God knows really. It's all sad and I wish people just on the whole felt better about themselves.

OP posts:
Original poster
Catwiththecream · 16/08/2023 00:54

frecklejuice · 16/08/2023 00:46

I'm fat and I hate it but it's fucking hard trying to lose it so sometimes it's nice to talk about it with other people. I also hate being the "fat one" so in front of you I'd probably make a self deprecating joke about my weight as a way of acknowledging that I know I'm fat but I'm trying to do something about it.

Ahh bless you I'm sure you're beautiful, I really mean that. If you don't mind me asking do you find diet talk stressful if it's bought up by someone else in a group? I think I hate it being discussed because I never know what to say back in fear of offending someone and I'd never for example, agree if someone says they need to lose weight as its almost like implying they do.

OP posts:
Doingtheboxerbeat · 16/08/2023 01:01

Catwiththecream · 16/08/2023 00:49

That is a good point / perspective. I suppose if it is a challenge going on in someone's life people probably do talk about it more. Maybe I should be less concerned about people talking about dieting and more concerned about the fact that maintaining a body we're all happy with is so difficult in society diets are so common place. I wonder if its the stress of modern living, the cost of living, pressures to be too slim to meet beauty standards, God knows really. It's all sad and I wish people just on the whole felt better about themselves.

Show quote history

Oh no, I agree with 100% it's boring as f*ck to listen to - I have become that bore and everyone is forced to be my therapist 😭 - I sort of need others to know for own accountability. Not if you have your own triggers though - that's different.

JudgeRudy · 16/08/2023 01:37

I agree weight and diet is a hot topic for a lot of people but I think you tend to be aware of something more if it's of no interest to you because it either bores or irritates you. Women often talk about their children/grandchildren. Once in relationships people moan about partners and singletons or newly paired talk more about fancying someone/sex/what a text meant etc....these are subjects that unite us. I dare say you have a topic that others really don't care about. Maybe your pet cat, Harry Potter, Taylor Swift, or how Julie from accounts makes your day a nightmare.
But yes, it is hard if every conversation seems to come back to this. It would frustrate me

VashtaNerada · 16/08/2023 02:19

As someone who is overweight I’d hate it if someone much thinner than me kept talking about it, I find that very rude. I sometimes bring up the topic myself because I feel that others may be judging me for what I do or don’t eat in front of them. But yes, any topic that’s talked about for too long is going to be boring for anyone else who doesn’t have much to add.

electriclight · 16/08/2023 03:25

Trying to lose weight is very consuming. It is on your mind at all times and especially at mealtimes. Sometimes it helps to discuss it with people who are going through the same thing, or to ask advice from people who have healthy relationships with food. I suppose it must be boring for people who can't join in or relate. But then so is anything that you're not interested in - sport, soaps, politics.

Yoyoban · 16/08/2023 03:42

But most of your examples aren't actually about dieting/weight - the fact that you perceive them as such makes me wonder if you actually have an eating disorder and you just find any food related conversation triggering.

Cutting off the fat is just discussing tastes / meat quality, indicating what size piece of a dessert you'd like is completely normal and benign and to do with current appetite / taste for sweet things. If someone's appearance has changed that much that they're virtually unrecognisable of course people are going to find that comment-worthy, it doesn't imply any judgement.

3rdtimemumma · 16/08/2023 04:18

Yoyoban · 16/08/2023 03:42

But most of your examples aren't actually about dieting/weight - the fact that you perceive them as such makes me wonder if you actually have an eating disorder and you just find any food related conversation triggering.

Cutting off the fat is just discussing tastes / meat quality, indicating what size piece of a dessert you'd like is completely normal and benign and to do with current appetite / taste for sweet things. If someone's appearance has changed that much that they're virtually unrecognisable of course people are going to find that comment-worthy, it doesn't imply any judgement.

I agree with this. A lot of the examples aren't weight-related. In my husband's family, the meat quality is always a topic. The meat is fatty, delicious, grissley. It's often a way someone explains why they didn't eat all of it. Same with pudding, people have a small sliver because main was filling/ delicious/ or pudding is rich. Nothing weight-related. Often health-related, not weight-related when discussing what we're eating. Interesting you view it that way. We used to play "guess the ingredients" or "guess the salt content" in the office at work with bought stuff. It was just a silly laugh. No judgement there.

PlinkPlonkFizz · 16/08/2023 04:22

Yoyoban · 16/08/2023 03:42

But most of your examples aren't actually about dieting/weight - the fact that you perceive them as such makes me wonder if you actually have an eating disorder and you just find any food related conversation triggering.

Cutting off the fat is just discussing tastes / meat quality, indicating what size piece of a dessert you'd like is completely normal and benign and to do with current appetite / taste for sweet things. If someone's appearance has changed that much that they're virtually unrecognisable of course people are going to find that comment-worthy, it doesn't imply any judgement.

This.

Threenow · 16/08/2023 04:29

YANBU - it's mega boring

WandaWonder · 16/08/2023 04:32

I don't get people talking to me directly about food/dieting but I feel the same for any topic of conversation that never changes if someone was into a hobby, the latest movie, their upcoming holiday if they constantly talked about the same thing regardless of that the topic was I would get very bored

I do not do that to other people I talk about a variety of things but OP your post does come across as you have food issues yourself, this could be wrong but like a lot of posts it may be the way it is written or of course the was I am reading it

But I do not get random comments from people usually at work 'do you know how many calories is in that?' or 'you should only eat one of those it is 10g of fat' or whatever, unless you are asked why the need to comment?

condition · 16/08/2023 06:05

What's even worse is when someone gets fixated on Tim Spector's approach and starts talking about feeding their gut bacteria like they're pets.

No I don't want to think about what goes on in your colon, particularly over lunch!

WWYDIYWMRN · 16/08/2023 06:12

I used to work with someone like that. Thin but went on and on about her weight, calories, what she was eating, how unhealthy fat people are and how she needed to lose weight. I'm about 3-4 sizes bigger than her and it started to really annoy me, especially will all the hints about how unhealthy I am.

But we won't mention the fact she smokes cigarettes, and drinks every night.

JudyGemstone · 16/08/2023 06:24

YANBU OP - I’ve wanted to say this many times when the group chat comes back yet again to food/dieting/weight.

I think about saying ‘come on, we’re all intelligent, professional women with lots of interesting things to talk about, why are we discussing this yet again?’

next time I’m going to, fuck it!

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