People that go on about dieting and weight

[Catwiththecream]

Aibu to think this is just a big social no no? Before I start it's worth me saying I am not on a diet. I'm a size 6 and for my height and activity level this is entirely sustainable. This post isn't about me just not wanting to hear about diets but rather and observation that generally this topic of conversation is awful. I have really noticed recently how depressing it is to be around people that constantly go on about dieting and who monitor food. Just the other day I was at one of my fiancées relatives houses for dinner and from the moment we stepped foot inside all conversations seemed to go back to weight and dieting. It started when I mentioned that I'd donated a lot of my old summer clothes this year and been wearing the same things over and over ( the conversation was about a bootfair me and fiancée did before starting to pack our stuff up to move house ). His relatives response was 'well you can at your size'. Fair enough, most would see this as a compliment I suppose and I'm not thin skinned enough to say this is a problem but what followed was 'it must take a lot of work though, we aren't eating lunch at the moment'. I never know what to say to these sort of conversations, especially as the 'we' she was referring to was her, her dh and her daughter ( adult ) living with them. It would be so rude of me to comment and also I'm there to have a nice time with them not give a shit about how many calories they're allowing themselves that week. So the conversation about bootfairs and clearing out cupboards had made its way to weight territory. Next was dinner, this time another guest discarded of the fat on their meat and made a point of mentioning it when it could have just been left on the side of their plate so everyone else eating could enjoy the meal, but no instead it was 'I had to cut the fat off! Way too much'. Again, what do you say to that? Dessert time we are all asked how much we want as the chocolate torte is being cut into slices, que the 'oh no that's way too big less please' comments whilst the tiniest, borderline insulting slither is cut of an indulgent but lovely cake someone has made about bought along. All night conversation naturally goes back to people's weight no matter how it starts...'saw Teresa today, she's doing well, you actually wouldn't recognise her'...and it doesn't end there. In my office today as we all eat lunch at our desks the conversation inevitably drifts onto what we're all eating, whether it's healthy, so and so has cut down on cheese, on the other side of the room we have someone just eating salad. I don't care what anyone eats or weighs, it's none of my business & I don't want to ever talk or hear about what people are eating either. I feel sorry for anyone trying to lose weight in the room when these conversations are bought up but it surprises me how common place they are. Aibu? Is it okay to talk about weight/fat/diets so much or does it just make everyone feel miserable and awkward like it does with me? How do you shut down the conversation or divert off it when it keeps going back there? It drives me mad!

I hate any weight related topics for discussion. It never ends good. I only tell very close friends and never in a group setting. It’s such a personal issue. Recently had a dinner party in my home where this came up and losing holiday weight. Six friends of my DH and their wives. Became a bashing match between two of the wives- made me feel very uncomfortable in my own home. I kept changing the subject and the two of them kept bringing it back to weight. Awful. DH and his friends disappeared outside - of course they did.

I think a lot of topics of conversation are boring honestly.

Thank you for a your replies! Lots of interesting views. Apologies if mentioning my size seemed a bit off, I did so purely to make it clear that I'm not coming at this from the point of view of someone on a diet trying to avoid these conversations for that reason especially as it makes others feel rubbish no matter what I say in response, hence not liking the conversation to go there at all. I do take on the point raised that maybe I am hyper vigilant with what is said though and why people have these conversations, I think I'll carry on with how I am at the moment and just try to socialise more with people who don't always bring diets up and keep meals with those who do in moderation as it gets on my nerves so much. For those who have mentioned being on diets and bringing these topics up themselves I do get what you're saying and wish you all the best with whatever goals you're aiming for x

@Catwiththecream I really hope you ate the rest of the chocolate torte. shame to let such a dessert go to waste.

YANBU. It's a topic I find hard to always resist, but I agree that it would be better for everyone if we didn't talk about it very much.

I know there's an argument that people like a supportive conversation about it, because sometimes it's good to feel others are in the same boat. But in reality it mostly just perpetuates self-criticism and promotes weight loss as some kind of almost universal, rather miserable female hobby.

I lost a substantial amount of weight over the last year and it drove me bloody mad people going on and on about diet and exercise. People wanted to do nothing but talk about it with me, when I was living it and all I wanted to do was talk about literally anything else. It's so dull.

I’m really surprised so many people voted YABU! Clearly all the lurkers are the ones starting these conversations.

Same. It's no more boring than everyone talking about their cockapoo puppies or their toddlers or their house sale. It's not something I talk about lots but at times in your life it's more relevant than others. I don't think some of the pps' comments about skinny people complaining are fair. I'm a size bigger after children and have struggled to shift it. It really affects how I feel about myself and how I dress. If you want to go from a 10 to an 8 or 12 to a 10, that's as valid as desiring to be a 14 when you're a 16.

I'll be honest, I didn't read all of your OP due to the lack of paragraphs.

Talking about dieting and weight all of the time is boring. Fair enough to talk about it once in a while (not in front of children, I refuse to have weight-obsessive conversations around kids because of the example it sets) but talking about it regularly is irritating. There are family members that bring up weight, or people's weight, every time I see them. I have outrightly told them that it's a bit sad that they always find ways to bring conversations back round to weight and I don't want to talk about it.

Some people are obsessive about their weight. DH is one of them because he was raised by a man with body dysmorphia, who made him start "working out" under the age of 10. He is aware that he talks about it too much and I do pull him up on it.

Yes to this.

I think lots of people talk about their topics of interest over and over without realising to be honest. If I go in the staffroom, which is very rare now as the conversations ate just too ernest for me - I want a bit of light relief while I eat, different people bang on about the same things each day. The diet people, the horse people, the dog people, the I hate my husband/in-laws/kids etc people, the woe is me people... you get my drift. I'd leave the staffroom drained.

Contrast to friends, we might talk about things like that but not for long and the conversations move on and not obsessive on one topic.

The moral of the story is - keep conversations varied and balance the deep with the light hearted please! Whether that's diet or horses or anything else😁

I'm fat. The reasons for it are complex. I have been a binge eater since childhood , full on ED territory since as long as I can remember.

My sister is afraid of getting fat, and often talks about how bad or good she is being with food. I did challenge her on this once and she said "but all this never mention weight is why you're fat!" She must have a different set of memories from me is all I can say. I remember my father telling me how ugly I was, how he was disgusted by the sight of me, how nobody would want me, calling me names and shouting at me, threatening to throw me out of the house of starve me for being greedy. How after a sexual assault it was "well be flattered, they think you're an attractive woman." I don't think he realised it wasn't the first SA I had endured, that as a both young child and older child I had been molested, so I don't see what looks has to do with it .

I also remember the constant dieting in my teens and twenties and the self induced purges after bingeing.

@UmbrellaSoldiers i could have written your post - and the others on this thread from women who’ve struggled all their lives. And before anyone tells me I’m beautiful - no I’m not. I don’t suit being fat at all, I look fucking awful and I hate it. I hate living my life constantly judged. It sucks. I’ve wasted 30 fucking years living like this - and missed so many life opportunities because of it.

It sucks 😢

Larger people probably feel self conscious around you OP.

They may bring it up a lot because they are embarrassed about their weight but are trying to let you know that they are trying to lose weight so you don't judge them.
You probably don't but they may think you will do unless they point it out first.

You’re right, it is really boring. I’m overweight at the moment and trying to lose it, but never talk about it. I don’t want to and I don’t use it as an excuse when eating or drinking. I find it so tiresome when people say no dessert I’m dieting. What wrong with just ‘No thank you’ I’m a person who was a ‘normal’ weight until about age 40 and then just piled it on. It’s been interesting watching people’s reactions to me change over the years, I remember the first time someone called me fat as an insult and I was like, ‘wow’. I didn’t care but it opened my eyes to the verbal abuse people think is acceptable. I happen to also be very strong and flexible underneath my fat and have watched many thinner and younger women in classes (pilates/yoga/dance) I take try to hide their amazement at how I can move. Fat judging and shaming is truly lame but talking about my fat is just as boring.

This.

No, this poster is lucky enough to have friends who don't define her(?) worth by the size of her body or what she looks like, and try to do their best to make sure she never feels like she has to change who she is because they think she's wonderful just as she is.

If you genuinely believe what you posted, I'm sorry someone's made you feel that way and recommend you find more friends with the above attitude instead. They're out there and they're great people.

'I don't want to talk about it so let's talk about it' no, I see where you're coming from.

I also think 'I am happy with my body and not dieting' would have made the point you were trying to make in a less inflammatory way than stating your body size.

I don't agree regarding your opinion however. I actually find it quite interesting as a topic to be honest.

SOME things regarding it are tedious. If it is literally ALL someone talks about-a friend did this on a night out once and I still remember it 20 years later because the night was so boring. Her chosen subject was the fact that she was quite fat and as a teen she used to eat lots of cheese and onion pasties because being savoury, she thought they were healthy and that her Mother should have stopped her doing that. But she said this in various ways literally ALLLL night. I could not get a different subject out of her at all.

On the whole, I find it interesting for a couple of reasons-one being I know a fair bit about nutrition and diets and weight management. Not an expert by any stretch but I am interested in it and read a lot-so if people want to talk about it I will engage. Another being, I am a counsellor and have had a lot of clients (as well as friends) with eating disorders and body issues and I can often offer some help and advice. As PPs have pointed out, dieting, weight management and all that surrounds it can seem an insurmountable problem for people that takes over their lives. We have to live within our bodies and when we're unhappy with them it can be difficult to enjoy much else. Over (as well as under, obviously) eating is an emotional issue most common in women but that can affect everyone. I think It's quite fascinating really as well as very sad.

I find a lot of subject boring and any subject is boring if it is laboured and droned on about for hours and repeatedly, but as far as subject matter goes, I don't think this is a boring one, It's nuanced and can lead to a lot of other topics of conversation. Of course you can nod, smile and change the subject, or you could talk about your diet in terms of health rather than weight, or you could offer some admiration for people's trying to change themselves for their better.

We've been living in diet culture for so long that we probably don't even recognise that we have disordered eating, really wrong ideas about healthy eating and that yoyo dieting has become a way of life.

I usually come back with "I wonder what it is that makes us all so obsessed with body shape and dieting, do you think it's upbringing or media or social circle?" I've found some conversation quite interesting but people rarely discuss dieting in front of me now as I find the phyco/social aspects of it way more interesting than the calorie counting.

YANBU, I think it's boring too - no need to talk about your weight or diet unless anyone has specifically shown interest & you want to engage.

I don't talk about dieting and have never dieted. However, it did dawn on me a while ago that I've never truly been happy with my body, even though I'm the same size I was 20 years ago (but saggier) and objectively, it's a decent body: tall, slim, curves. But in my 20s, I hated my pot belly. Then 30s my post baby hips and thighs. In my 40s, the sag, although my thighs are looking good .

Not only that, I've realised how much time I spend thinking about what I eat- if I have x, then I won't have y. Having a few drinks on Fri, so no cakes/ biscuits for a few days. Can't exercise next week, so no crisps etc. I don't think dh wastes any time on this bollocks.

I always though I had a healthy relationship with food and my body, but then, I was a teenager in the 90s and those messages really seem to have stuck, in a way I thought I was immune to.

Talking about diet is of no interest to you in the same way someone who doesn't have children nor doesn't want them would not be interested in talking about parenting.
When there is a group, there is a conversation topic. Sometimes it is great, sometimes not. Met friends fort lunch today, all they could talk about was the World Cup.
So what?

^ This. I’m hypersensitive to, and HATE, this topic it when it comes up to the point that I tend to manufacture an excuse to take myself away from it whenever it does.

Any conversation is boring and/or triggering if you can't relate to it.

People bore on about their kids, their hobbies, their latest relationship dramas, how often they go to the gym, their dog, their home refurb.

I can't see how a diet is that much different really. Change the subject.