People that go on about dieting and weight

[Catwiththecream]

Aibu to think this is just a big social no no? Before I start it's worth me saying I am not on a diet. I'm a size 6 and for my height and activity level this is entirely sustainable. This post isn't about me just not wanting to hear about diets but rather and observation that generally this topic of conversation is awful. I have really noticed recently how depressing it is to be around people that constantly go on about dieting and who monitor food. Just the other day I was at one of my fiancées relatives houses for dinner and from the moment we stepped foot inside all conversations seemed to go back to weight and dieting. It started when I mentioned that I'd donated a lot of my old summer clothes this year and been wearing the same things over and over ( the conversation was about a bootfair me and fiancée did before starting to pack our stuff up to move house ). His relatives response was 'well you can at your size'. Fair enough, most would see this as a compliment I suppose and I'm not thin skinned enough to say this is a problem but what followed was 'it must take a lot of work though, we aren't eating lunch at the moment'. I never know what to say to these sort of conversations, especially as the 'we' she was referring to was her, her dh and her daughter ( adult ) living with them. It would be so rude of me to comment and also I'm there to have a nice time with them not give a shit about how many calories they're allowing themselves that week. So the conversation about bootfairs and clearing out cupboards had made its way to weight territory. Next was dinner, this time another guest discarded of the fat on their meat and made a point of mentioning it when it could have just been left on the side of their plate so everyone else eating could enjoy the meal, but no instead it was 'I had to cut the fat off! Way too much'. Again, what do you say to that? Dessert time we are all asked how much we want as the chocolate torte is being cut into slices, que the 'oh no that's way too big less please' comments whilst the tiniest, borderline insulting slither is cut of an indulgent but lovely cake someone has made about bought along. All night conversation naturally goes back to people's weight no matter how it starts...'saw Teresa today, she's doing well, you actually wouldn't recognise her'...and it doesn't end there. In my office today as we all eat lunch at our desks the conversation inevitably drifts onto what we're all eating, whether it's healthy, so and so has cut down on cheese, on the other side of the room we have someone just eating salad. I don't care what anyone eats or weighs, it's none of my business & I don't want to ever talk or hear about what people are eating either. I feel sorry for anyone trying to lose weight in the room when these conversations are bought up but it surprises me how common place they are. Aibu? Is it okay to talk about weight/fat/diets so much or does it just make everyone feel miserable and awkward like it does with me? How do you shut down the conversation or divert off it when it keeps going back there? It drives me mad!

It's boring & I can't stand the faux bird like appetites. Just give me a massive portion & shut up!

Yeah boring but you did feel the need to let everyone here know you're a size 6, so I also think its really easy to bemoan struggling women when its not an issue you have and are clearly somewhat smug about.

My thoughts entirely.
I don't talk about it all the time, but I have had to restrict my eating my entire life or I would have increased in size year on year. At 60 I still battle it. CICO is not identical in everyone.
I cannot imagine the ease of having lived a life where I don't gain weight eating what other people eat.
This is what is indoctrinated into society: that if person A can stay the same on XYZ calories then so can person B. It's rubbish. There are so many variances.
I used to own a newsagent back in the day. I remember the school bus load coming in. Skinny girl A would buy 4 chocolate bars, eat 2 before she left the shop, and be surrounded by fawning boys. Bigger girl B would buy 1, and be jeered at for being "a fat pig".
That's the issue.

This!
I think if you are trying to eat healthier its totally counter productive to talk constantly about what you're depriving yourself of, too.

YANBU and I actually think it’s bang out of order. I had an eating disorder and never went on about food like this. I am mostly recovered now but if I had to listen to this I would find it very difficult.

Yep, this.

I am trying to lose weight at the moment - I need to, I am 5ft 2 and my starting weight was 12 stone. But I try not to bore people, especially not size 6 people.

Food is one of the most enjoyable aspects of life.

Trying to maintain / get to, a healthy weight is a massive challenge for many of us

If it’s in your head most of the time it’s perfectly normal for comments to slip out now and then, or for you to want to talk about it sometimes with likeminded people. An awareness that not everyone feels the same is important though and there is a time and a place. No one wants a meal ruined by someone banging on about its calorie overload!

That said I also agree with others who have mentioned the examples you have given are perfectly normal comments and don’t show an obsession with food. If anything op you seen to be hyper vigilant where food is talked about, sorry.

I'm quite happy to talk to a friend about this if they are very overweight and want to make positive changes in their life. However it is very tedious otherwise. I have 5 friends who I meet up with regularly, 3 of us are overweight and three are fairly skinny. It is always the skinny ones talking about fad diets etc and how much weight they have put on. The rest of us just roll our eyes.

I'm fat. I feel horrible about myself all the time. I hate my reflection, I hate choosing clothes to wear. I'm disgusting and fat.

Us fatties can't win. If I say yes to a second bottle of wine and a sharing platter, then I feel horribly guilty and am sure everyone around me is thinking "no wonder she is so fat". If I abstain from food and drink people think I am boring, and "who is she kidding she obviously doesn't usually abstain from anything". If I mention dieting, it's a social faux pas.

It is on my mind ALL THE TIME. Every photo of myself I am analysing to see how awful I look. Every shop window I walk past I try not to see my reflection because it's so gross.

So, I am always on a diet, always trying to lose weight, always trying to feel better about myself. And I fail, over and over. I have psychological and medical reasons for being fat, I also love food, find exercise painful and boring, and eat for every emotion I experience. The power of the "fuck it I'll always be fat, might as well enjoy life" is strong.

If I am talking about being on a diet in public it is for the following reasons:

I am apologising to those around me for having to be with someone so gross and fat as me, and I am letting them know I am aware of it and trying to fix it.

I am seeking support from others who are also dieting and who may have the same emotional struggles with it I do.

I am reminding myself that I am trying to fix it

I'm crying out for help and for someone to tell me that I am ok as I am

It's exhausting being fat and unhappy. We are shamed over and over in the media, by strangers, by friends, by the constant "just eat less and move more". Exhausting.

I don’t find this at all - in my workplace no one talks about diets - we all eat lunch together and the most mention of food might be things like ‘oohh that looks nice’ or recipe suggestions - mainly female workplace ages from 20 ish to 60+
people comment on my yellow sticker haul but mostly we are too busy chatting about other things
met a friend for breakfast yesterday we both had bacon sandwiches - I took some fat off mine as I don’t like the taste of texture but no mention was made of anything else

I do agree that topic is like walking on little pebble stones surrounded by hot lava Op. I have worked my ass off and lost over 4 stone that I gained due to medication mainly. I’ve been everything between a size 8 and a size 18 in my life so seen judgment and comments both sides. When slim I wasn’t really allowed an opinion and had to walk on eggshells as to not offend others. When big, all of the talk constantly turned to how many calories was in this and that. It’s harder to be big than slim though trust me because you’re always on edge - you feel like you’re being watched, you couldn’t possibly ask for a decent slice of the cake (instead you go and buy it in secret afterwards and scoff the lot- that’s not everyone, but it was certainly me 😂). Slim people might be bored with the chat but at least they’re not walking around constantly feeling judged.
If I were you, I’d gently say “could we talk about something other than diets, we’re all beautiful and kick ass in every way. Let’s all have a day off!”
Granted, I understand this would come off a lot better from a bigger person. Maybe have a quiet word with one of them sometime and confide that you find diet and calorie talk triggering because you knew someone with an eating disorder once. See if that changes the situation.

Women simply cannot win- like someone else has said it seems to be the go to conversation as a common mutual most women struggle with.
Someone I know said I was the “worst type of person” for having lost 4 stone and kept it off - because what’s her excuse when I have a thyroid disorder and mental health issues? If I can lose the weight she literally has no excuse!
Needless to say I don’t see her often.

@UmbrellaSoldiers
Your post resonates with me SO much. That is exactly it.
FYI… you are beautiful and kick ass in every way.

I don't know. Isn't it 1) idle chit chat, the same way someone may go on about the gym (boring but harmless). Or 2) a symptom of society getting more and more unhealthy and trying to do something to help that (albeit diets often don't work in the long run).

I have a family member like this and it's dull and I do find myself rolling my eyes. But I'm not convinced it's about sex, I know men who don't stop going on about protein and the gym. It's the same stuff to me.

It is difficult but if you are somebody who struggles to maintain a healthy weight and/or has issues around food, it does become a focus. I try not to talk about it too much, unless I'm with people in the same boat. What does irritate me is my naturally slim friends who go on about how gorgeous fat people are and how I don't need to lose any weight. I am on blood pressure and cholesterol meds, both probably impacted by me carrying extra weight for much of my adult life. I've been between 11'and a half and 13 stone during my 40s and 50s - late 50s now and at the lighter end - but I'm also short so don't carry weight well.

I was going to take my mother and MIL out for dinner this week and decided not to because I couldn't bear another meal where they both sit there

• complaining about how much weight they've put on recently (both sizes 10s
• talking about how they have skipped breakfast and skimped on lunch in order to eat this dinner
• refuse a starter because they are dieting
• complain about the size of the main course and don't finish it
• order a pudding - and then complain about how much weight they will put on because of it.

This!

If you are a natural size 6 that can pretty much eat whatever you like (within reason) and don't have to consciously consider what you are eating, the macros, the calories etc. then you likely don't appreciate how consuming dieting can be.

I'm similar to PP. I am a size 10/12 but aim for a 10. I have to think about what I eat every day if I want to stay my current size and in the healthy BMI range. I'm short so my TDEE is pretty low, compared to a taller person. It means my portions always need to be a bit smaller than average and I also have digestive issues so have to avoid trigger foods there too. It does make mealtimes pretty focused on the food and its impact on my body and its helpful to chat about that sometimes to offload!

I would genuinely love to not think about food so much. I hate how much space it occupies in my mind.

What does irritate me is my naturally slim friends who go on about how gorgeous fat people are and how I don't need to lose any weight.

They just don’t want you to be slim like them!

It's not fair for people to say that the OP is bragging or it's easy for her to moan about people discussing diets because she's a size 6. I've found in groups like this unwanted attention is often turned onto the smaller people. I had previously been very ill prior to starting a new job and had dropped from a size 10 to a 6 in a very short space of time (not ED related - I have no issues around discussion about food etc). On starting my new job I quickly realised that the dominant, daily topic of conversation in this office was diets. They were several members of staff who were constantly on diets and trying to lose weight - a few months into the job a set of scales appeared and they would weigh themselves daily and spend hours chatting about their weight. I kept a distance from this, never commented on any of it and was not part of it. However, it wasn't long before comments like "Gigi you musn't ever eat", "what have you got for lunch today?" "do you even eat breakfast?" "it won't be long before me and Gigi can share clothes" started. I was being encouraged to get on the scales in front of everyone. If someone brought a treat into the office there was pressure for me to take the first portion, to the point where if I said no, it would be dumped in front of me anyway. It got to a stage where I would sit on a bench outside and eat my lunch rather than in front of them as the ring leader of this group would watch me like a hawk and flag up to everyone when I was eating, shouting across the office to me to ask what it was.

At the size that I was I did not look healthy. I didn't tell them that I hadn't always been this size and that I was trying to gain weight following a really scary period of bad health, it wasn't any of their business. But when your the "skinny" person in a room full of obsessives like this, you're often seen as fair game for people to comment on your body and use you as a comparison tool. It's tedious, and boring and really frustrating being dragged into conversations like this, especially when the conversation you were initially having has nothing to do with diets and weight.

I don’t think women can win- if they are fat and NOT on a diet/ashamed of themselves/eat a lot in public etc people shame them (see the many threads on here about people ‘spilling over plane seats’, being ‘grossly fat’ and the apparent dangers of body positivity etc)…

but if they try and not fall into that trap by mentioning their diet/asking for small portions/making a point of eating healthy food then they are apparently boring and mind numbing.

So- the only acceptable thing is for fat women to hate themselves and diet and restrict what they eat but to do it all in silence, and not ask for a small portion of pudding in case it bores people.

I find it interesting when people are into health overall and talk about their sport or hiking or whatever else, or if they cook interesting balanced meals but yes people going on about calories and whatever else is very tedious. The only time I personally mention anything to do with this is when people moaning about calorie counting say how lucky I am for being a healthy weight and physically fit. Its not luck though, I consciously eat a balanced diet and I enjoy exercise, I just don't harp on about it!

I don't think it's just asking for a small portion though it's when anyone of any weight feel the need to explain in depth why they're ordering it and usually passing comment on what others are eating. It's boring! It's different if someone is asking for support, or if they're proud of the adjustments they've made but invariably it's not the case.

Personally, I don't mind it BUT it's still a topic I would try to avoid banging on about because I know that for a lot of people it can be a difficult, depressing or even dangerous subject.

I wouldn't get into a discussion about dieting/weight in (for example) an open-plan office or in a group where I don't know everyone really well. I mean, on a basic level it's a bit boring for most people. But more importantly, so many people have anxieties and insecurities and body image worries or disordered eating issues that I think it's best avoided for that reason, and also, it's quite off-putting if you're all sitting there having lunch and someone is going on about how many calories there are in everything and how they couldn't possibly eat that pudding you've ordered because it's 'fattening'.

Basically it's a really loaded subject, and I'd only really engage in conversation about it with a couple of very long-standing friends who I know are on the same page as me.

Equally annoying, though, are the vehemently anti-diet people who can't see someone eating a salad or necking a protein shake without starting a long lecture about the evils of diet culture and telling you to go and eat some chips. I used to work with one of those and she was hard work, I must say.

People do it because they don’t want everyone to be judging them for being fat and greedy. If there wasn’t such an obsession with, and premium placed on being thin in society (massively policed by women judging each other) then women wouldn’t talk about it all the time.