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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off when people assume my father is my partner?

123 replies

catsaregods · 15/08/2023 08:11

My father is 22 years older than me. Ever since I was very early 20s, people have assumed I am his wife or partner.

For example when I was just 20 we were sat next to each other on the train, and a man on the other side said if my dad is my husband When asking to swap seats. When we have been travelling in foreign countries there have been 'lucky man' comments from locals.

I went shopping with my dad as he was going to buy me a special present for a big birthday, and the cashier also assumed I was his girlfriend!

I get very pissed off about it. Maybe this is a common problem with having youngish parents?

OP posts:

Im99912 · 15/08/2023 09:25

I had my son quite young and people often thought I was his girlfriend / wife
he did look older than his actual age though so maybe that was it

People’s heads especially when on holiday in the USA would turn around when he shouted out mum 😂

we always found it pretty funny

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 15/08/2023 09:26

mondaytosunday · 15/08/2023 09:17

It would amuse me. But my husband did not like it one bit when someone referred to him as his (toddler) daughter's grandfather! And I myself have been mistaken as a parent of teenagers at 30 (I was attending an event at a high school and someone asked me which child was mine).
If I was your dad I might be a bit embarrassed I guess, but really a quick correction or just ignore it.

I had almost 3 teenagers at 30 (12, 13 and 14) plus 3 more younger ones.

romdowa · 15/08/2023 09:28

My father is a good bit older than me , grey hair etc and I'm mid 30s and I've had people call him my husband. I just find it funny really .

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 15/08/2023 09:31

My DD gets mistaken for my sister all of the time.

My brother is always mistaken for my partner (similar age so understandable).

I don’t really get why this would bother you.

My friend is with someone 30 years older than her.
As they’ve gotten older she’s stayed quite youthful looking but he has definitely aged.
She regularly has people thinking he’s her elderly dad and once her grandad.
The kids always get asked if it’s their grandad which is so sad.

leonde · 15/08/2023 09:34

It's not that unusual for people to make this assumption. I get it all the time when out with brothers/ cousins etc. It doesn't matter.

NoTouch · 15/08/2023 09:39

It is mildly amusing, not worth getting "very" pissed off about.

Your reaction is your choice, you choose to laugh it off or let it ruin your day.

whereisthecheese · 15/08/2023 09:40

Dad is 47 years older than me. People have been mistaking me for his wife since I was 15. I'm also pretty much identical to him. People are strange

Berlinlover · 15/08/2023 09:41

My partner is 21 years older than me and people have thought he’s my Dad, we have always laughed it off.

Karatema · 15/08/2023 09:42

My DF is 20 years older than me and DM is 18 years older.

The only time I have felt embarrassed was when DM was working and asked me to go with DF to my DB's Parents Evening at the school we both attended (I was 15). The woodwork teacher, in the days before girls did woodwork, introduced himself and welcomed us as Mr & Mrs. My DF quickly put the teacher right but both men squirmed at the mistake! I had a fit of the giggles which I struggled to control!

My DPs still look young and due to their genes, I have benefited from this but I'm pleased to say I haven't been mistaken for DF's wife since!

Saoirse82 · 15/08/2023 09:44

Some people just are a bit thoughtless. I wouldn't assume any relationship between two people. Recently I was asked was my sister my Mum, she's 2 years older than me! And I've been asked was SIL my DD, she's 9 years younger but still!

Sisterthesame · 15/08/2023 09:45

People often think I’m my sisters daughter, she is 14 years older than me and it really annoys her. I do look younger than I am. It recently happened at her wedding when she remarried and her new DH work colleagues thought I was her DD. She didn’t hear thank God.

DH sister was often mistaken for their Dads wife, he was 25 when she was born. It used to really annoy her.

uhtredbebbanburg · 15/08/2023 09:50

Yeah, it’s gross and presumptuous. I’m mixed race, my dad is white and we don’t look alike so people from when I was about 16 assumed he was my bf / husband. One women screamed at him on the tube in London once for being disgusting old man. My poor dad, he was so shocked, he didn’t know what to say.

Ihavedroppedmyhatinapuddle · 15/08/2023 09:55

People aren't psychic.

They don't need to be though do they?! There seems to be a widespread assumption that the continuous assumptions are normal and necessary and the result is funny.

Unless something has absolutely clearly been booked for a couple or major PDA between them has been witnessed, why is anyone assuming anything at all?!

All someone needs to say is "and you are...?" if they need to know.

If they don't need to know, then comments aren't warranted and the questioning can be intrusive. And in all cases, sleazy sexist comments - the ones that young-looking daughters/nieces get much more often with their Dads/Uncles than in any other combination - are not acceptable. (We know, we have 2 generations all close in age involving both sexes in both generations and it IS the daughters/Dad and nieces/Uncles that get this much more often and with much more unpleasant questions and comments.)

Gatekeeper · 15/08/2023 09:57

Had this happen to me when my dad was in hospital aged 95. I was 50 at the time and nurse said to him when I arrived "your wife is here"

fairycakesandtea7 · 15/08/2023 09:57

Applesandpears23 · 15/08/2023 08:31

I used to get that sometimes when I travelled with my Dad. My solution was to call him Dad frequently in public and to the wait staff.

I do this as well. My dad was young when he had me and have also had similar comments too.

GCSister · 15/08/2023 10:00

Why do you get so pissed off about it?
My dad is only 16 years older than me so I've had it pretty much my whole life. When I was younger people assumed he was my older brother and now they assume he's my partner.....
We just laugh about it.

Rollercoaster1920 · 15/08/2023 10:00

But what would be a good response?

Perhaps for the father "Either I look really good for my age, or you have a pervy nature - which is it?" with a stare....

For the mum / son one (in almost any combination): "Do I look like Elizabeth Hurley?"

MistressoftheDarkSide · 15/08/2023 10:00

I had the reverse of this at my Aunts wake. Someone asked if my ex-husband was my Dad in front of him. He was only 9 years older than me and it really didn’t help his massive insecurity complex. Hence him now being my ex-husband.

whatwhatinthebutt · 15/08/2023 10:02

No, this doesn't usually happen. My dad is 30 years older than me but when we went on holiday to Tunisia every single person, locals, holidaymakers, assumed we were a couple.

And it made me feel sick. Goodness knows how it made my dad feel, but he laughed a lot of it off.

Can't say the people of Tunisia covered themselves in glory there. One even groped me. I was offered to be purchased a few times, unsure if they were joking.

Other than that Tunisia was lovely and the food was very nice.

WantingToEducate · 15/08/2023 10:04

My dad is often mistaken for my partner, or
rather I’m his partner.

I got referred to as “wife” quite a lot or they will refer to me as “Mrs (dad’s surname)”

We find it hilarious 😂

My dad loves the fact that people
think he’s got a young wife 😂

LuvSmallDogs · 15/08/2023 10:11

When I was a teenager, my dad and I got "Mr and Mrs Jones" a couple of times, despite him being 42 when I was born. But when he took my younger brother to A&E they assumed he was his grandfather!

Ages can be hard to estimate, so if someone thinks you are maybe 5 years older than you are, but that your dad is maybe 5 years younger than he is then suddenly the age gap is fairly common for a romantic relationship, but almost unheard of for a father and daughter.

No big deal.

Snapsnap1 · 15/08/2023 10:14

Siblings get this all the time.

Nothing a 'oh no this is my brother, my Dad, my Uncle' doesn't rectify.

floribunda18 · 15/08/2023 10:17

People often thought my dad was my grandad - it was unusual then in the area for a man in his 40s to have a primary school aged child!

phoenixrosehere · 15/08/2023 10:53

YANBU

I had this a lot as a teenager, however I always noticed it was men that did this, whereas women would say daughter.

girlfriend44 · 15/08/2023 10:56

People shouldn't assume anything, they are tactless idiots.

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