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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off when people assume my father is my partner?

123 replies

catsaregods · 15/08/2023 08:11

My father is 22 years older than me. Ever since I was very early 20s, people have assumed I am his wife or partner.

For example when I was just 20 we were sat next to each other on the train, and a man on the other side said if my dad is my husband When asking to swap seats. When we have been travelling in foreign countries there have been 'lucky man' comments from locals.

I went shopping with my dad as he was going to buy me a special present for a big birthday, and the cashier also assumed I was his girlfriend!

I get very pissed off about it. Maybe this is a common problem with having youngish parents?

OP posts:
Nevermind31 · 15/08/2023 08:43

My friend’s husband gets mistaken for her dad… there is a 7 year age gap

GoodChat · 15/08/2023 08:44

I'd rather people assume my dad was my partner than my partner was my dad. Much less embarrassing to correct.

Tdcp · 15/08/2023 08:44

People used to think me and my mother were sisters or partners. I never got pissed off about it though.

VickyEadieofThigh · 15/08/2023 08:45

Motomum23 · 15/08/2023 08:16

Ha reminds me of my first house where the landlord said to my husband 'is this your daughter'. Admittedly there's a 26 year age gap so I technically could be his daughter. Don't let it get to you.

I can top that. 23 years ago, my (female) partner and I were viewing a house on our shortlist to buy.

The male owner said to her "Is this your mum?"

Reader, she is TWO YEARS OLDER than me...

We didn't buy the house, in case you're wondering (in the wrong location).

BlackBean2023 · 15/08/2023 08:47

My DH took our DD (16) out for dinner the other day and a fellow diner who was dealing with a toddler tantrum told them "do not have kids" Grin DD was horrified and DH explained it was a bit late for that advice...

KimberleyClark · 15/08/2023 08:51

My DH took his late DM to a hospital appointment once and was mistaken for her husband. He was a bit annoyed.

TheChosenTwo · 15/08/2023 08:51

This has happened to me before, my parents were both 20 when they had me. Although I wanted to hurl when the woman made the innocent mistake we did both crack up laughing and explain the situation. To be fair to him he’s always looked pretty good for his age (all those years of shirking parenting responsibilities mean he still looks younger than he is as a father of 3 and grandfather of 6 😂).

RedRosie · 15/08/2023 08:54

This also happens with my DH and my stepdaughter. She's a tall and beautiful 30 year old, he's in his sixties and looks much younger. I guess it happens because older men often date younger women (more than the other way round I suppose) so people make assumptions.

FireflyJar · 15/08/2023 08:57

ParkheadParadise · 15/08/2023 08:23

Have you got any brothers?
Do people ask if they are shagging ur mum 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️
I had Dd1 at 15 everyone thought we were sisters
I had Dd2 at 38 everyone thought I was her granny.

The moral of this story? Moisturise every day. You can thank me later

Blossomtoes · 15/08/2023 08:58

My dad was 39 years older than me and I was asked if I was his wife once by a nurse (he was 99 at the time). I suggested she got her eyes tested as a matter of urgency.

TregunaMekoides · 15/08/2023 09:01

People probably do assume he's your dad but don't want to put their foot in it in case he's your husband. Much less insulting that way around.
Fwiw I know people this happens to also and they think it's funny.

Threenow · 15/08/2023 09:02

Why does it bother you? I can't see the problem.

x2boys · 15/08/2023 09:09

Sometimes people can't judge ages ,I was out with my kids and my Dad a few years ago my dad is 31_years older than me and we bumped into.a friend of mine who.had never met either my Dad or my Dh,and she asked if he wss my Dh,
When Ds1 was a baby I wss pushing him.in s pram.with Dh and somebody asked if we were his Grandparents !
Ok I wasn't a,particularly young mum But I wss only 33 when I had him!

IsAnybodyListening · 15/08/2023 09:17

I'm 41, and at my DD23 masters graduation I was asked if I was her sister. It doesn't bother her at all. Her childhood best friends parents are now late 50s, early 60s and retired and she likes that I'm younger in comparison.

mondaytosunday · 15/08/2023 09:17

It would amuse me. But my husband did not like it one bit when someone referred to him as his (toddler) daughter's grandfather! And I myself have been mistaken as a parent of teenagers at 30 (I was attending an event at a high school and someone asked me which child was mine).
If I was your dad I might be a bit embarrassed I guess, but really a quick correction or just ignore it.

Ohhhhhhhhh · 15/08/2023 09:19

Never had this with my dad but I do get it with my brother pretty much every time I go out with him. I kind of get it because we are fairly close in age but it's still a bit weird.

Gnomegnomegnome · 15/08/2023 09:19

My dad and I get it but just laugh

blahblahblah1654 · 15/08/2023 09:20

Maybe he looks younger. If he looked say 5 or 10 years younger it wouldn't be that unbelievable. Are you worried it means you look old?

Gnomegnomegnome · 15/08/2023 09:21

I don’t get why you would be angry.
is it because you think that they assume that you are older rather than he younger?

Freedomfromguilt · 15/08/2023 09:21

I have the same problem with my dad, who looks about 20 years younger than he is. I suspect that he has a portrait in the attic. I happens even if my mother, his wife, is stood with us. It has gotten worse since having DS as he is the spitting image of my father.

Wenfy · 15/08/2023 09:21

And yet with older woman / younger man - the default assumption is she must be mum. I used to get asked if I was my brother’s mum from the age of 11!!

Gnomegnomegnome · 15/08/2023 09:22

Great minds @blahblahblah1654

BodegaSushi · 15/08/2023 09:23

Yes YABU. People aren't psychic. It would be weird if he was much older than you, but he isn't. Weird thing to get pissed off about.

Ohhmydays · 15/08/2023 09:25

I has ds1 at 16, 15yr age gap between him and ds2 and i look a lot younger than i am. When ds2 was born me dp and ds1 went for a burger king and when we were sitting a lady was cooing over ds2 in his buggy then asked ‘who of the lucky gentleman is daddy’ which was probably really creepy for ds1 and a little for me as we look so alike so usually get confused for being his sister

BodegaSushi · 15/08/2023 09:25

Also my parents are 7 years apart (dad older). My mum looks young for her age, my dad old for his. He's been referred to as her dad more than once 😂