Should I pay for her??

[Ohownnoe]

So I'm getting married next year and having a small wedding. I asked my 2 sisters to be bridesmaids. I am not having a hen party and they don't have to pay for anything for me. I have paid for all their expenses like dress, hair and makeup and just asked them to pick their own shoes and pay for their own as they could wear what they want.

So the problem came when it came to the hotel. I'm paying for both parents which costs close to 500e already but one of my sisters started asking why I wasn't paying for hers and actually started a fight with me over it. So I being unreasonable for not paying for their hotel rooms aswell?

My understanding is that yes,you pay for the bridesmaids/best man accomodation for the night of the wedding.
In hindsight, perhaps she presumed you would be, which is why she is now a bit put out.
My room has been paid for the times I've been bridesmaid.
However, your wedding, upto you. Just be clear going forward what you are/aren't paying for so you're all on the same page.

I think it depends.

Does your sister HAVE to stay, ie is it too far to travel home by taxi?

If it is, then I think you should be paying for their rooms, it's your choice of venue that means she has to fork out to stay over which isn't fair if she is out of pocket.

BUT, if the venue is close to her home and perfectly reasonable taxi wise and it's her CHOICE to stay then she should pay.

Sorry just seen it's only 15 minutes away !

Nope. She pays if she wants to stay. If she doesn't want to stay then she can just get a taxi home.

OP has said they live a 15 minute drive away

Where has she said this ?
I know she said they were getting ready in someone's house, but, despite several people asking, I can't see where she has told us how far away the wedding Reception is from where the bridesmaids live, or the family home is.

I think this is a key detail.

No

I would pay for bridal party if it's too far to travel home

We had a small wedding too just 20 guests. We paid for both parents rooms too but the rest of the guests including siblings paid for there own rooms. No one had a problem with it they were just happy to be there to celebrate our day. If you were to be married closer to home the outfit for the day, plus hair and makeup as a guest would probably cost the same as a hotel room 🤷🏼‍♀️.

I saw a post upthread that said they lived 15 minutes away - think the OP might have name changed halfway through the thread. I thought @Onceuponaheartache was the OP.
Apologies if I've got it wrong

Yes, you should pay for the hotel for the wedding party. It’s not relevant that you’ve paid for their dresses, hair and make-up - you’re doing that because it’s your wedding, not as a lovely treat. If you can’t afford that hotel, you can’t afford that wedding. Cut your cloth accordingly and stop acting like you’ve done them a favour by buying them an outfit you want them to wear and paying for your hair and make-up choices.

Exactly - YOUR wedding! In the destination YOU chose! Why are you acting like you’ve done other people a favour by paying for your own wedding?

If it is the case that the wedding is only a short drive away, do posters still think the OP should pay? Even without being a bridesmaid it's kind of obligatory to attend your sister's wedding, so does this mean brides should all be paying for the accommodation of 'compulsory' guests

But if you’re just attending as a guest you at least have a bit more freedom. You can pick a cheaper hotel elsewhere (and yes, I know the OP’s sister doesn’t want to do this - it’s a general point), you can leave early and go home if you’re close enough, you aren’t expecting to be involved in organising anything, or to get up and be available at a certain time for a hairdresser or make-up artist…

OP hasn't clarified how far away the wedding is - just that "they are getting ready in the family home".

If the wedding is a short drive from the family home then it's odd that she's paying for expensive hotel rooms for her parents to stay!

So wedding is a 45 minute drive. Surely the bridal party is made up of people close to the bride who would be there to celebrate like any other event?

So for her 30th we went away for a night to celebrate in a hotel.By some peoples reasoning here she should have paid for me for that hotel because it's an event I have to go to and travel? Just because it's called a wedding doesn't mean the bride and groom have to pay for people just because they have to travel?

So for her 30th we went away for a night to celebrate in a hotel.By some peoples reasoning here she should have paid for me for that hotel because it's an event I have to go to and travel? Just because it's called a wedding doesn't mean the bride and groom have to pay for people just because they have to travel?

Be honest - this thread was just to vent because you’re pissed off with your sister, wasn’t it? You’d already decided she’s wrong and you’re right.

For a wedding that’s 45 minutes away, I wouldn’t necessarily expect the bride and groom to provide accommodation at all - as long as neither of you got snippy if people didn’t stay until the end because they had to get home. But to me, when it comes to the wedding party, you either say the wedding venue is too close to require an overnight stay, or you pay for the accommodation.

So for her 30th we went away for a night to celebrate in a hotel.By some peoples reasoning here she should have paid for me for that hotel because it's an event I have to go to and travel? Just because it's called a wedding doesn't mean the bride and groom have to pay for people just because they have to travel?

If you are invited to an event, you can choose not to go (because you can't afford it, or for any other reason you want).

IMO if people specifically want people to come to events then they should check with them before hand that they are ok with any costs/arrangements made.

Can your sister choose not to go to your wedding without it causing a massive family fall out? Did you make it clear before hand what costs you were and weren't covering?

As previous posters have said, traditionally the bride covers bridal party costs. That said, you don't have to be traditional, and unless you had previously agreed to pay your sister's accomodation costs YANBU.

This ^

Unless there is a requirement for the bridal party to stay over, I dont see why it should be paid for by the bride. However, it would probably have been a good idea for it to be discussed at the point of selecting the bridal party.

100% this !

She wouldn’t need a hotel if she wasn’t your bridesmaid. She doesn’t have to go, she doesn’t have to attend at all, she’s doing YOU the favour.

No, you shouldn't have to pay for her! I have been a bridesmaid 4 times and never once has anyone offered to pay for my hotel or travel (nor have I ever asked or expected the bride to pay!)

I'm not the OP but was replying to a post calling me out for being tight because I am also jot paying for my bridal party to stay at our hotel

How weird, and odd that so many think having your hotel room paid is the bride an groom's responsibility (IMO). It's no tradition I've heard of OP, and I certainly wouldn't have the brass neck to even insinuate someone else should pay for my hotel room.