Should I pay for her??

[Ohownnoe]

So I'm getting married next year and having a small wedding. I asked my 2 sisters to be bridesmaids. I am not having a hen party and they don't have to pay for anything for me. I have paid for all their expenses like dress, hair and makeup and just asked them to pick their own shoes and pay for their own as they could wear what they want.

So the problem came when it came to the hotel. I'm paying for both parents which costs close to 500e already but one of my sisters started asking why I wasn't paying for hers and actually started a fight with me over it. So I being unreasonable for not paying for their hotel rooms aswell?

I suppose I'm just doing what I'd be expecting if I was a bridesmaid. I wouldn't expect my room to be paid for. I got them nice presents and all aswell.

They wanted to be bridesmaids so not like anything was forced on them they didn't want and there were no bridesmaid duties involved in this wedding just turn up on the day. As for wearing bridesmaid dresses and doing things I'm "making them do" because it's my wedding they picked the dresses they wanted. I didn't force anything on them or make them wear horrible dresses or dresses they wouldn't have chose.

I don’t think there is an absolute right way of doing it, it totally depends on so many factors.

ultimately for me the biggest factor is that it is made clear from the start about what is or isn’t being provided. Sounds like assumptions on both sides here.

@YourNameGoesHere Yes all of that stuff is expected It all costs money though. If my my sister ever gets married and I'm bridesmaid There's no way I'd kick off about her not covering hotel costs.. I said fn another post that when I got married last year we had 28 people that stayed overnight in hotels including my sister apart from one person (who I knew wouldn't have been able to attend without me paying) they all paid for themselves. Others got a taxi/train home. Ops sister sounds extremely entitled. I would have laughed in my sister's face if she had kicked off like this about my wedding.

Yanbu she could stay somewhere cheaper or plan to head home in the night if she's that bothered. I guess it's unusual to pay for parents room and thats why she thinks you should pay for hers too?

This ^

Paying for parents but not paying for those in the actual bridal party, seems unusual

Your sister seems grabby

You don't seem to like her

This is what seems odd to me, too.

I mean, in theory, the couple should pick up any expenses that arise from being bridesmaid. In real life it depends so much on everyone's individual financial circumstances plus the way things happen historically in your family.

For me, the key is - is the wedding where everyone lives and the 'staying the night in a hotel' is just a treat or a luxury they can opt in to (which is implied a bit in that you say you are getting ready in someone's house) or have you booked a venue which means that, realistically they have to stay overnight.

We are the best of friends but doesn't mean I would pay for her hotel rooms when we go away. It is an event she would be attending anyway regardless of being a bridesmaid. Good to see the difference of opinions!

My bridesmaids stayed with my MIL or us so effectively we did pay their costs. Also paid for their outfits, they wore their own shoes and jewellery and did their hair themselves (they preferred to).

I think you are being generous paying for parents. We were able to afford the wedding ourselves but both parents wanted to contribute so we didn't pay anything towards their attendance - quite the reverse. There isn't a right and wrong I don't think here and it sounds like you've done all the right things so far. If you can pay for them I would. If you can't then perhaps parents could split it with you or something, given you've already covered their costs.

It is an event she would be attending anyway regardless of being a bridesmaid.

I mean the same can be said of your parents, but yet you're choosing to spend 500e on hotel rooms for them. Which is a huge amount of money considering they seem to live close to the wedding venue.

Om what planet does that happen? Genuinely? Have been to lots of quite swanky weddings and it has never even the case

How were they forced? Were they arrested and brought to the hotel in chains?

That's such an odd question. Isn't it patently obvious?

Yanbu but weddings being out peoples crazy.

To keep the peace i would cancel the hair and make up for both of them (They do NOT need it) and pay for their rooms.

If they want hair and make up thry can do each others or self fund it.

Are they married? If so did they pay for your hotel?

I think I'd be tempted to downgrade the parents rooms and pay for my sisters'. Have your (and fiancé's) parents contributed towards this wedding at all? Fair enough if they've bought your dress or something, but otherwise it seems like things are a bit 'off' in your family, in that you are always expected to pay for others.

You could tell your sister you'll pay for her taxi back to your mum's and she can stay there or pay her own bill. Or contribute what you consider a reasonable amount towards her hotel room and she can pay the rest.
Say she doesn't need to buy you a present, just help out a bit re cost of hotel.

They all sound a bit tight to me and in future you could do with not automatically picking up restaurant bills.

Why not pay for your sisters as presumably they will return the favour when they get married?

My parents bought my wedding dress but would have paid for them anyway and fiancée parents didn't contribute but couldn't pay for one set of parents and not the others. We have paid for the best rooms for them in the hotel as so no one else was stuck paying the prices as they did cost a lot extra than the other guests rooms. Limited rooms just enough for guests. Sisters are not married so new territory for us!

Yanbu she is an entitled madam.
Tell her you can only pay if she shares a room with your other sister as part of the bridal party.😀
I understand why you paid for your parents,it's a mark of respect .
Have a wonderful wedding day,don't let your ds ruin it

Those posters who talk about how much they've already paid for bridesmaids dresses etc and the wedding itself seem to think they are doing the bridal party and guests a favour by inviting them.

Yes, I’ve been an adult bridesmaid three times in the past few years, my hotel room was paid for each time as part of the day. I think for the bridal party, yes! Absolutely.

There's no hard and fast rule. I've been a bridesmaid and covered all costs myself and I have had the dress/hair/makeup etc paid for. I've never had a hotel room paid.

When I got married my bridesmaids paid for their own hair/make up/shoes but I bought dress , flowers and jewellery. They paid for hotel for wedding and hen do.

I wouldn't pay it. I'd explain there's a lot of expenses and direct them to a travel lodge.

So your parents paid for your dress and you paid for their hotel room i.e. you've basically just moving money about unless one is substantially more than the other.

If you're insisting your sister stays at the hotel, I'd pay for her room.

eh? Perfectly valid question.

You can tell her you are doing her a favour setting the standard now will save her money when it's her turn

Yes I would pay. You should pay for those that are in the bridal party. They shouldn’t pay to attend your wedding as bridesmaids. Often a number of rooms are included in the package for this reason.

I didn’t bother with any of that nonsense though and we got married on our own.

Anyone who makes their bridesmaids pay for anything is wrong, it should really be paid for by the wedding party. If you can’t offer that basic courtesy then you can’t afford to get married. I wish people would just forget about themselves sometimes and be classy.