Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH flashing car lights in these circumstances isn't the norm?

115 replies

BeeLievable · 14/08/2023 20:48

DH has a strange habit where if he drives past a car which is the same colour and model as ours he flashes his lights at them - the "car twin".

We have recently got a new car and it seems quite common and this habit is driving me a bit mad - mainly because he insists everyone does it and people will know why he's doing it. I've told him no one else does it and he's confusing other drivers.

Does anyone else do this?

OP posts:
GasPanic · 14/08/2023 21:02

tommika · 14/08/2023 20:57

Like others have said, the “I’ve got the same car as you” custom is in the realms of unusual vehicles such as classic cars & campers. Not average ones

The official Highway Code use for flashing lights is to alert that you are there
The general road use is to warn of something wrong such as danger, speed cameras, your lights are not on etc

Yes, on the open road danger ahead - I missed that.

Anyway if I was on the open road and got flashed by a car in the other direction I would think they were warning me of something ahead, camera or danger.

Lorry drivers always seem to get it and raise a hand or flash in response :)

tommika · 14/08/2023 21:02

….. I hit too soon

Add to general use of warnings the opposite message that “please proceed”, “thanks” etc

It may be worth a mention that the famed incident that ‘popularised’ road rage in the media was when Kenneth Noye murdered a motorist who gave a flash or wave on signal giving way to Noye but Noye took exception and attacked

Your husband may prefer to avoid accidentally flashing his lights accident at the wrong violent criminal

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 14/08/2023 21:03

Definitely not normal.

Also, people really shouldn’t flash others about speed cameras. You can get in trouble if caught doing it.

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 14/08/2023 21:04

The only people who flash at me is because of a hazard up ahead.

I was once flashed at a few times by the car behind me and to this day it has frustrated me because I don’t know what they wanted.

I’d be a bit annoyed if someone flashed me for no reason.

Marwoodsbigbreak · 14/08/2023 21:05

Oh dear. I’m afraid you have married an idiot OP.

Never mind. Easily fixed and could be far worse.

fullbloom87 · 14/08/2023 21:05

I wouldn't like that, I'd start thinking something was wrong or there was a speed cam or something. Tell him to stop being an annoying nob.

CopperSeahorses · 14/08/2023 21:06

DS used to get this in his first car because he bought himself an old Mini (a classic Mini not the modern version), he hasn't had it with any subsequent car (all more modern cars) so I think your DH is wrong. My son-in-law recently had an ID3 and definitely did not partake in the flashing of other ID3 drivers.

Scienceadvisory · 14/08/2023 21:06

Sounds like your dh is a bit of a dangerous driver creating a hazard by distracting drivers. And for such a nonsensical reason.

primoseyellow · 14/08/2023 21:07

Ive had a few people do this to me because of my car, it took about 3 people doing it before I realised why! I ended up waving to one woman thinking it must be someone I know😂

gamerchick · 14/08/2023 21:08

I would assume there was something wrong with my car. He needs to pack it in, the weirdo.

maidmarianne · 14/08/2023 21:08

In some ways this is quite sweet. But it's also completely bonkers behaviour from a grown adult.
Can you put the episode of friends on where Joey is excited about finding his hand twin and point out he's being just as daft??

SkaneTos · 14/08/2023 21:11

If someone flash their lights at me on the road, I take that as a warning; that there are animals on the road further ahead or something, or that something is wrong with my car.

cruffinsmuffin · 14/08/2023 21:11

He's definitely BU 😂

As PP have said, flashing isn't really great - you can blind people temporarily, cause confusion etc. I flashed someone in a tiny mini the other day (I was in a 4x4) and felt terrible - but had just driven past a cyclist on the floor being attended to by other cyclists just round a bend on a country road. Tried to warm them and felt terrible about it because I know how bright the LED lights are at that height!

I have had a car that is quite uncommon and I've just swapped it for a newer model and similar car - with the colour combos you can get (special individual colours) if you see someone in the same model in a cool colour people might wave / flash but it's normally a smile and wave more than a flash!

I've seen the little miatas that flash the blinky headlights and that's the only acceptable certain imo.

Figbrother · 14/08/2023 21:11

When I got my new mini about ten years ago the first time I drove it home from work a girl in the same make and colour drove by me. We were both going slowly in traffic, I gave her a big wave, very unlike me. She just looked through me! I think if someone did the same to me a year later I’d be just as confused.

Your husband should stop, if he flashed a learner or nervous driver it could really throw them.

LakeTiticaca · 14/08/2023 21:13

Pointless and potentially dangerous. I would be wondering if they were trying to tell me something is wrong with my car

HalfwayToMyMamasHome · 14/08/2023 21:13

This can’t be real. 🤣

NeedToKnow101 · 14/08/2023 21:15

DP did it when he had a Golf Mk 1. Well he still flashes Golf Mk 1s... I think he thinks they'll just know he used to drive one.

Whatthejackdawsaw · 14/08/2023 21:15

Agree with the majority that unless i was being permitted to come out of a junction, it would make me think there was an issue with my car and I would be distracted trying to figure out what it was, people have only ever done it to let me know my headlight was out.

Jadeywithababy · 14/08/2023 21:18

maidmarianne · 14/08/2023 21:08

In some ways this is quite sweet. But it's also completely bonkers behaviour from a grown adult.
Can you put the episode of friends on where Joey is excited about finding his hand twin and point out he's being just as daft??

Hahaha, this sums it up so well - quite cute that he believes he’s in a little club of car buddies but also really not the case and potentially confusing/distressing for other unwitting members of the club!

Changeling78 · 14/08/2023 21:19

Ok, so VW camper van drivers raise a hand, no light flashing though.

seafronty · 14/08/2023 21:19

Beetle drivers are the worst.

Illbebythesea · 14/08/2023 21:20

Lol 🤣 this made me laugh. Bless your husband… I don’t think it’s the norm but if it makes him happy I’d play along. Quite sweet really.

DuesToTheDirt · 14/08/2023 21:21

Never heard of this. Confusing for other drivers, so potentially dangerous.

L0bstersLass · 14/08/2023 21:21

BeeLievable · 14/08/2023 20:59

It's a Volkswagen ID3.

This was done by EV drivers about 3 years ago when there were many fewer on the road but it's phased out now as they're much more popular and we'd be flashing each other all the time and causing chaos.
My husband and I both drive EVs and I can tell you that only the occasional driver still flashes and invariably a newbie.

It's irritating.

WisherWood · 14/08/2023 21:24

I waved at someone with the same car as me when I had an unusual car. This would happen maybe once a year. I did not do this when I had a Ford Sierra. I'd have spent more time waving than driving.