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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU kids on beach while you're in the sea?

112 replies

beachquestion · 14/08/2023 15:02

I’m hoping MN might help resolve an issue for me. We’re divorced parents, so holidaying alone.

My kids’ father thinks that it should be ok to leave our 4 and 6 year old alone on the beach while he goes for a swim, provided that he’s checked it out and tide is out so he’s less far away.

I think that regardless of tide/conditions that it’s not safe to leave kids that young alone on the beach while their only adult is in the sea, and he’d be too far away to really be able to look after them. They’d have to be at least a few years older for me to feel safe doing that.

Am I being overly cautious or is he not being cautious enough? Neither child can swim confidently in the sea. 6yr old is pretty sensible but youngest still only 4.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 14/08/2023 15:03

At 4 absolutely not.

Is this in the UK or abroad?

Original poster
beachquestion · 14/08/2023 15:03

UK

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 14/08/2023 15:04

Christ no. What is he thinking?! They are far too young.

heldinadream · 14/08/2023 15:05

No that's completely irresponsible of him. He's basically leaving the 6yr old in charge of the 4yr old. So 6yr old gets distracted and 4yr old decides to go and get daddy and walks into the sea... this or any variation could easily happen.
If he thinks this is ok I'm not sure he should ever be in charge of them OP.

Lovehearts82 · 14/08/2023 15:05

It's a no from me.

Newusernamee · 14/08/2023 15:05

There’s a blogger currently doing a lot of wild swimming in the sea and it freaks me out SO much that she leaves her 4 year old on the sand playing while she videos herself going in. It’s an absolute no from me. You are just too far away at that age, and that’s without the water danger element on top!

SlicedPickles · 14/08/2023 15:06

No way.

Water is dangerous. It doesn’t take much for them to drown. They should have eyes on them all the time.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 14/08/2023 15:06

Not at those ages. He’s an arse

Mischance · 14/08/2023 15:07

Of course it's not safe. It is not even safe if they were strong swimmers because of tides and currents. Is he planning to take them on his own and do this?

TheGoodBanana · 14/08/2023 15:09

Just because he leaves them on the sand does not mean they will stay there. He is absolutely in the wrong.

Nevermind31 · 14/08/2023 15:12

Depends on the set up? Where we go on holiday (abroad) I am “in the sea” but 2 metres away from them, with me constantly watching my children.
going for a swim without constant supervision? Absolutely not

Cloudsandyoghurts · 14/08/2023 15:12

I live on the coast, kids have had swimming lessons and water safety drummed into them since they could move and its a big 'No' from me at those ages. Its not just water safety that's an issue but wandering off, getting lost etc etc just nope.

Moveoverdarlin · 14/08/2023 15:13

Not in a million years. My four year old would run, and then it’s down to the six year old to try and control the 4 year old. Recipe for disaster.

Peony654 · 14/08/2023 15:14

Definitely not OK, not that age. They could so easily run in the sea themselves.

LolaSmiles · 14/08/2023 15:16

Another vote here that says absolutely not.

A 6 year old is not mature enough to be responsible for a 4 year old and putting them in that situation is an unacceptable burden.
In the event something awful happens, the poor 6 year old will be left feeling responsible and it's actually their father who has failed to step up.

EggOverEasy · 14/08/2023 15:16

No way. It's far too dangerous.

TokyoSushi · 14/08/2023 15:17

Gosh no, way too young!

CurlewKate · 14/08/2023 15:17

I'm probably the least risk averse person I know, and I wouldn't do this.

PizzaPastaWine · 14/08/2023 15:18

I guess it depends on a few more factors for me such as;

How busy the beach is/sea conditions/how far away from them he is swimming.

At that age my DC would understand that I was swimming and they were not to enter the sea.

CaptainMyCaptain · 14/08/2023 15:19

Absolutely not.

cestlavielife · 14/08/2023 15:21

Does he have a proper swim head down in water? Matks up his strava?
Then

No
He does not get to have a swim while they on beach if they not superbised by another adult
He wants to have a swim he takes a nanny or bsbysitter to beach

Friggingfrog · 14/08/2023 15:22

Absolutely not safe at all.

heldinadream · 14/08/2023 15:23

Further to my previous comment, I've just remembered I knew a family where two small children were alone near water for a very small amount of time and the littler one drowned and the older one - a small child himself at the time - never recovered from this and spent his whole life feeling responsible, which meant that the mother couldn't work because she had to be an almost full-time carer for her destroyed older child, let alone her own and the rest of the families grief.
Whole lives destroyed.

momager1 · 14/08/2023 15:23

NO no no no. I live by the sea and even the calmest ocean can have a riptide. The strongest swimmer can drown so quickly, even if they have their wits about them (most panic) and know that to get out of a rip to swim along the cost line till you feel the rip let go. You could end up half a mile down the beach! or worse, drowned if you try to fight it! Then what with those little ones on the beach??

SleepingStandingUp · 14/08/2023 15:24

Would he also leave them to pop to the loo, go to the shop to get a drink, grab some food?

He can't possibly swim whilst watching them so he might as well go and have a quick pint whilst they play on the beach

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