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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU kids on beach while you're in the sea?

112 replies

beachquestion · 14/08/2023 15:02

I’m hoping MN might help resolve an issue for me. We’re divorced parents, so holidaying alone.

My kids’ father thinks that it should be ok to leave our 4 and 6 year old alone on the beach while he goes for a swim, provided that he’s checked it out and tide is out so he’s less far away.

I think that regardless of tide/conditions that it’s not safe to leave kids that young alone on the beach while their only adult is in the sea, and he’d be too far away to really be able to look after them. They’d have to be at least a few years older for me to feel safe doing that.

Am I being overly cautious or is he not being cautious enough? Neither child can swim confidently in the sea. 6yr old is pretty sensible but youngest still only 4.

OP posts:
Dragonwindow · 14/08/2023 16:18

4 and 6 are probably both too young. We live by the beach (UK) and I'll admit I did this on specific "small" beaches, when it was very quiet, and I literally didn't take my eyes off the kids, but even then that wouldn't have been until the youngest was 6 or 7.

On an unfamiliar beach, height of holiday season, I wouldn't be comfortable until more like 10/11.

MasterBeth · 14/08/2023 16:18

Good God, no.

Paq · 14/08/2023 16:20

No, absolutely not OK and I am totally lax as a parent.

Latenightreader · 14/08/2023 16:24

I grew up in Norfolk. The four year old sister of someone at my school drowned in the sea. I don’t know about the parents, but I do know her seven year old sibling was with her when she was swept away. We used to pass her grave on the way to and from Brownies and I think of her when I take my own 4YO to the beach.

Eightypercent · 14/08/2023 16:26

AgileLass · 14/08/2023 15:33

Tide in is better than tide out, though, as you’d be closer to the shore

It doesn't really work like that. I know beaches that sketchy as anything at high tide and some that'll break your neck at low tide.

I know you mean well but this is pretty typical ignorance TBH.

Mumof3premies · 14/08/2023 16:26

I wouldn’t leave my 12 year old with my 7 year old on a beach never mind 6&4 deffo no from me

heldinadream · 14/08/2023 16:27

AgileLass · 14/08/2023 16:11

Well I swim breaststroke parallel to shore and don’t dip my head under, so able to see them more or less all the time. Do you never take your eyes off your children at all, even for a few seconds?

Show quote history

If your children are in a safe place like the inside of your own house of course you can take your eyes off them.
If they are next to a large body of water that could kill them in a few seconds no. If they were next to a house on fire would you take your eyes off your children? No? You think water is safer than fire? From the World Health Organisation page on drowning.

  • Drowning is the third leading cause of unintentional injury death worldwide, accounting for 7% of all injury-related deaths.
  • There are an estimated 236 000 annual drowning deaths worldwide.
  • Global estimates may significantly underestimate the actual public health problem related to drowning.
  • Children, males and individuals with increased access to water are most at risk of drowning.
maybebalancing · 14/08/2023 16:29

This daft.
I grew up on a small island with very gentle seas and even my very feckless parents wouldn't have done something like this.

londonrach · 14/08/2023 16:32

No way and very dangerous

TomatoSandwiches · 14/08/2023 16:33

Absolutely stupidly reckless way to endanger two young children and completely avoidable.

Quitelikeacatslife · 14/08/2023 16:33

If he really wants to swim , depends where he is staying, if he pals up with another family after a few days they could watch kids otherwise of course not

Phos · 14/08/2023 16:45

No. Quite aside from the water safety issue for the children, they would be alone if he were to get into difficulty and what if they wandered off. They could so easily go missing.

CosyKnits · 14/08/2023 16:49

So dangerous and irresponsible.

Slightly different scenario, but it makes me think of that poor actress who went swimming with her very young child in a lake, got into difficulties and drowned, leaving the child to drift in the boat for several hours until he was found. Large bodies of water are dangerous, even if you take every care and precaution.

Random458 · 14/08/2023 16:51

No way, they are far too young. The 4 year old could run off/go missing. I wouldn't be able to relax leaving my kids on the beach while I go for a swim

MrsMarzetti · 14/08/2023 16:53

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/08/2023 15:03

At 4 absolutely not.

Is this in the UK or abroad?

What difference does it make where it is ?

tattygrl · 14/08/2023 16:53

No, no, no, no, no!

For so many reasons!

Firstly, the sea is unpredictable. Even in designated "safe" swimming areas, a current can drag you out to sea or underwater. It's not a common occurrence, true, but it happens more frequently than people think. It's also not uncommon for people to get in trouble in the water due to cramps or other minor health issues that quickly become lethal when in water. That would leave two very small children on shore alone.

Secondly, even if he managed to keep his eye on them at all times when he was in the water (which obviously isn't possible because he'd be swimming), if he sees something happen to them, he can't possibly get to them quickly enough to help. He'd struggle even to signal to other people that something was wrong.

Thirdly, they could get themselves into the water so quickly, and get in trouble in the water, before he either noticed they'd moved or managed to swim over to them.

He's an idiot. An irresponsible one.

Workawayxx · 14/08/2023 17:10

No, absolutely not and I’m pretty relaxed in general. I’m not sure if even do that with my 11 yo.

LlynTegid · 14/08/2023 17:17

I am with you OP on this one.

wishingitwasbetter · 14/08/2023 18:52

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Original poster
beachquestion · 14/08/2023 18:54

Thank you all for your replies. I'm relieved to see I'm being reasonable and that plenty of other parents agree.

He'd agreed not to leave them alone but has now said he's solved it by taking them in the sea with him, and I'm now worried this is even more dangerous. I don't think one adult with two kids in the sea is particularly safe either.

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 14/08/2023 18:58

@tattygrl To be honest, if he was swept out to sea the fact that they were on their own on the beach would be the least of their problems....

heldinadream · 14/08/2023 18:59

@beachquestion you're right, his 'solution' isn't safe either. I'm not usually a fan of this but would you consider showing him the thread? I think he needs to realise that in most people's opinions his behaviour is downright dangerous and could end very badly.

TrishM80 · 14/08/2023 19:02

Young kids go into the sea with their parents all the time, don't they?!

Original poster
beachquestion · 14/08/2023 19:05

TrishM80 · 14/08/2023 19:02

Young kids go into the sea with their parents all the time, don't they?!

Of course they do, but my concern is that it's only one parent to two children, one of whom can't swim at all and the other has never swum in the sea before. He often takes them to the swimming pool by himself but I think the sea is very different in terms of safety.

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 14/08/2023 19:13

Do they wear flotation devices? Surely they'd be fine in the sea with him if they did? That's certainly what I used to do.