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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU kids on beach while you're in the sea?

112 replies

beachquestion · 14/08/2023 15:02

I’m hoping MN might help resolve an issue for me. We’re divorced parents, so holidaying alone.

My kids’ father thinks that it should be ok to leave our 4 and 6 year old alone on the beach while he goes for a swim, provided that he’s checked it out and tide is out so he’s less far away.

I think that regardless of tide/conditions that it’s not safe to leave kids that young alone on the beach while their only adult is in the sea, and he’d be too far away to really be able to look after them. They’d have to be at least a few years older for me to feel safe doing that.

Am I being overly cautious or is he not being cautious enough? Neither child can swim confidently in the sea. 6yr old is pretty sensible but youngest still only 4.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 14/08/2023 15:26

PizzaPastaWine · 14/08/2023 15:18

I guess it depends on a few more factors for me such as;

How busy the beach is/sea conditions/how far away from them he is swimming.

At that age my DC would understand that I was swimming and they were not to enter the sea.

But would they understand not to accidently get sand in their eye, choke on something they're eating, wander off to find the loo, touch something on the beach they shouldn't, go and be a nuisance to another family, touch a strange dog etc? And honestly if at 4 they understand they must sit absolutely still and do nothing for half an hour whilst you swim, I'm not sure that's a good thing.

Crowfinch · 14/08/2023 15:28

Doesn't matter how sensible/ well behaved he perceives them to be, they're tiny and he's supposed to be on holiday with them. He doesn't have to wait that many more years until he can go off and swim and leave them- or have them swim with him.

Motomum23 · 14/08/2023 15:29

No absolutely no way. The tide goes out and then surprise surprise rushes in again, so he is going to leave the kids on the shoreline while the tide comes in. I live on the corniche coast and spend half the summer helping lost kids find the lifeguards or their parents.... the beaches are packed and physiological drowning produces no splashing or panic so anyone not paying attention would have no idea one of your kids is in trouble.

Typz · 14/08/2023 15:29

Tell him he can swim and leave the kids on the beach alone just as soon as he’s found Cheryl Grimmer.

Spacemoon · 14/08/2023 15:30

My youngest is 4 and on a recent holiday, Everytime her dad went for a swim in the sea, as soon as she noticed, she would end up running after him and head straight into the sea. For this reason, I would always make sure I stayed with her, as much as it was tempting to join him for a swim! But there was no chance I was leaving my 8 year old to have to chase after her and try and stop her!

Not to mention the fact that its not just the sea itself a risk, but other people on the beach! There is no way if he's swimming in the sea that he could get out quick enough to stop someone if they tried to take the kids!

Carbonicalloy · 14/08/2023 15:32

Leaving aside the sea risk, they could wander off, be abducted, all sorts of risks leaving them alone in a public place. Or any place at that age tbh
He's totally unreasonable

AgileLass · 14/08/2023 15:32

I’m clearly a terrible parent, because I’ve gone for a dip a few times this summer while leaving similar age D.C. to potter and play on the beach within my eyeline

goodkidsmaadhouse · 14/08/2023 15:33

Nevermind31 · 14/08/2023 15:12

Depends on the set up? Where we go on holiday (abroad) I am “in the sea” but 2 metres away from them, with me constantly watching my children.
going for a swim without constant supervision? Absolutely not

Ditto. We live near the coast and I’ll often go in the sea with one of my older kids while the 4yo prefers to stay on the beach. But we are literally a metre or so away and I wouldn’t really term it going for a swim… Going for a proper swim? No way.

AgileLass · 14/08/2023 15:33

Tide in is better than tide out, though, as you’d be closer to the shore

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/08/2023 15:35

You’re absolutely not unreasonable. He’s very unreasonable and an accident waiting to happen.

Maybe going in for a little dip, whilst mostly facing the shore, just to get in the water, but not a serious swim, would be ok if the youngest was about 8 +. Before that absolutely no way.

An actually swim maybe when they’re 12+ (so when you’d let them go to the beach unaccompanied if you lived nearby anyway)

NewShoes · 14/08/2023 15:36

Just no!!

BuffyFanForever · 14/08/2023 15:41

Absolutely not. Totally unsafe.

Eightypercent · 14/08/2023 15:49

@beachquestion

I have spent my entire life on or in the ocean, close enough to be able to hear it. I have life saving qualifications and am a sailing instructor, surf coach, and kayak instructor. I have pulled people out, I have shown them to safety, I have called and directed the RNLI.

Your husband is such a fucking moron, he shouldn't be in charge of himself let alone children. He may think he knows the tides but his ignorance is blatant.

Our local RNLI performed over 40 rescues in one day recently. Every year moronic tourists die and put the lives of others in danger.

(I'm quite cross lived at even the idea of leaving a 4 and 6 YO alone on a beach)

iammother · 14/08/2023 15:49

This is exactly why I can't ever relax for two seconds when my husband is 'in charge' of our kids on the beach. His attitude mirrors that of your Exdh. Totally unreasonable.

FilthyforFirth · 14/08/2023 15:50

Good lord this is horrifically negligent. Absolutely not.

WonderingWanda · 14/08/2023 15:53

They are far too young. We watched some children who's father had gone in the sea and just left the kids (one of them was about 3 and kept walking over to other families to try and play with their buckets) near other adults in his party. The Dad was gone over and hour and the small kids followed some bigger kids down a very large and busy north Devon beach. After more than an hour one of the adults who had been sat round drinking beer noticed the kids were gone and they started looking for them near to where they were sat. They seemed quite shocked when we pointed halfway along the beach and down near the water to where they were. That father was so irresponsible and lucky is kids didn't drown.

MogTheMoogle · 14/08/2023 15:55

To actually swim, as opposed to paddle would be so far away from the actual beach. Even paddling when the tides out or going out could be a good distance.

And sand isn't exactly known for its great running surface if you somehow noticed they were in distress.

There could be sharp things in the sand - not just because some idiot has buried a bottle but a sharp shell, a drink can.

A dog could run over, they could fall into a hole someone has built. Start copying the family burying their dad with each other. Get sand in their eyes. Hundreds of things that could happen, quickly without noticing, even if they're 'being sensible' and one decides to go into the sea to get the parent.

That's before you get to strangers, any type - the well-meaning - 'where's your parents, let's go find them' and the more ill-intentioned ones. Or just the one that plonks themselves between the sea and the children (or decides to kick them out of their spot).

Not to mention the sea isn't harmless. Cuts on sharp rocks. Deeper water than expected. Rip tides or even a stronger current than expected. Ending up further out or down the beach than intended. Even helping someone else in distress.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/08/2023 15:59

AgileLass · 14/08/2023 15:32

I’m clearly a terrible parent, because I’ve gone for a dip a few times this summer while leaving similar age D.C. to potter and play on the beach within my eyeline

What you are is bloody lucky nothing happened to them. If you're swimming, they're not on your eyeliner.

GingerIsBest · 14/08/2023 16:07

I am usually one of those fairly chilled out parents who thinks that the paranoia about leaving children alone is ridiculous... and I wouldn't do this.

2 summers ago, DS was 10 and DD was 6 and we were at the beach. I had to leave them for 5 minutes as I had a very heavy period and had to do an emergency dash up to the bathrooms which were about 30 metres up from where we were sitting which, in turn, was well back from the actual sea on the sandy bit. DS was (and is) a very sensible and responsible child and DD is also not a bolter/runner/crazy child. I still found that very very stressful.

AgileLass · 14/08/2023 16:11

SleepingStandingUp · 14/08/2023 15:59

What you are is bloody lucky nothing happened to them. If you're swimming, they're not on your eyeliner.

Show quote history

Well I swim breaststroke parallel to shore and don’t dip my head under, so able to see them more or less all the time. Do you never take your eyes off your children at all, even for a few seconds?

skgnome · 14/08/2023 16:11

If they were 8 and 10 - and both semi sensible kids, it would be ok - given it’s a place the kids know, etc
at those ages no

Intriguedbythis · 14/08/2023 16:13

He sounds very stupid and irresponsible.

escapingthecity · 14/08/2023 16:14

He's insane. Of course not.

LittleEsme · 14/08/2023 16:15

Huge safeguarding fail.
No no no.
Is he just being an arse and being contrary with you it does he genuinely believe that this is ok?

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/08/2023 16:16

Not a chance