To think hotels are very child unfriendly

[Ontheclifftop]

We've just come back from a weekend away in a hotel with dd aged 5 and ds aged 3. Three incidents really made me realise how unwelcoming hotels are to young families:

1. When we were checking in after a long drive the kids were letting off a bit of steam. I know how that sounds, but they were just running around a bit, not getting in anyone's way or anything. Two people who were sitting on couches reading newspapers got up and left, one sighing heavily and one giving us a dirty look.
2. At about 7ish the following morning we got a call from reception to say the people in the next room were complaining about the noise. Again I know how that sounds, but dd and ds were playing quietly with some teddies. DS let out one squeal of excited laughing but other than that they were perfectly fine.
3. Following that call I said I'd take them down to the swimming pool as I knew it opened early. When I got down the attendant said it was adult only between 7.30 and 9.00. I explained about the phone call and pointed out there were only 2 people in the pool and I'd do my best to ensure we'd stay down at the shallow end and not get in their way. But he refused to let us in.

The whole thing really pissed me off. What are you supposed to do with young children in a hotel? If they play quietly in the room someone complains. If you try to use the facilities to keep them occupied, you're told you can't.

AIBU to feel hotels are just totally unwelcoming to young families nowadays?

I think some parents go on holiday thinking it will be more indulgence for their children and much less work for them. Absolutely not true. The entire job of parenting is turning a squalling newborn into a nicely socialised adult. Going on holiday with your kids just means you continue the hard graft in a different venue, with lots of unfamiliar stimuli, in a continuously public space. Hopefully fun and rewarding, but likely to be more parenting work, not less.

Also, whenever I read about boisterous screeching squealing kids as inevitable, I always want to ask for a food diary and log of screen time. It's not just lax parenting generally, but that it likely also involves warping the biochemistry of their wee bodies and brains, which makes things harder still, for everyone.

This thread has actually restored my faith in MN parenting skills. Some really heart-warming accounts of working with children's needs whilst maintaining responsibility for their behaviour in public; and teaching them how to mediate the two.

Then your "advice" is redundant. You're just part of the same problem.

Apparently so!

I will survive.

@Ontheclifftop So why do you think people complained? You clearly think they couldn’t have heard or been bothered by your children, so why do you think they gave you filthy looks and rang reception? What’s your theory about all this? Is it just that everyone in the UK except you hates kids?

I can think of a million ways super markets could be more family friendly. Specifically though, my comment was about people’s attitudes towards children making these trips stressful, not that the supermarket itself needs to cater better to my children. I feel stressed when I go to a supermarket because there are people tutting and sighing at my children for simply being children, not because of the supermarket.

I don’t need my children to be able to ‘run around tripping people up’ to be better catered for. Adults being more understanding about children sometimes being slow would be a nice start though. I’ve lost count of the number of times my child has needed a few extra moments to do something (E.g. get some bananas off the shelf and put them into her own trolley at Lidl) and adults have sighed about having to wait for her a second, like she’s a second class citizen. Or how about adults with no children not parking in parent and child spaces? Or not using the trolleys designed for twins (that were an absolute essential for me when I had a baby and a 1 year old) when there are a multitude of trolleys available that are not built with two children’s seats.

Ultimately it just comes down to being considerate of other members of society and it would be nice if some adults reminded them that children are just that: members of society who deserve respect and compassion just like everybody else.

I would never imagine it acceptable to have my toddler run around in a hotel lobby. That’s very inappropriate behaviour. They can run into people, get in the way, cause someone to trip, and even if it’s completely deserted it’s just now how you behave in a hotel. Same with shops, restaurants. We explain to DS before entering a place what the acceptable behaviour is and if he’s not able to act appropriately one of us takes him outside to roam around while the other checks in.

There is no way anyone would believe that guests would get up and ring reception for a single squeal. Again, if DS woke super early we would have one of us quietly take him outside to run around if needed, away from people’s windows.

As for the pool, clearly they have hours for adults only so people can get exercise in/enjoy the pool in peace, and you were very entitled to try muscle your way in regardless.

sorry, but if it stinks like a fish and walks like a fish… you sound very pretty entitled and lax parents.

Wow.
I wouldn't have let my kids run round a hotel reception, but a deserted bit of a baggage hall wouldn't be harming anybody. Some people really are of the children should be seen and not heard persuasion.
As for the person who posted that she pays gym membership, so doesn't want kids in the pool early morning, I also pay gym membership to a hotel and am well aware the guests have also paid good money to be there. That's the choice you make when you opt for a hotel gym, you don't have priority over guests.

OP - I would leave a review for the hotel, stating that it's not family friendly, and give the reasons that you've given here. Then other families with children your age will know not to stay here.

I’ve lost count of the number of times my child has needed a few extra moments to do something (E.g. get some bananas off the shelf and put them into her own trolley at Lidl) and adults have sighed about having to wait for her a second, like she’s a second class citizen

Are you doing this sort of thing when the supermarket is really busy, by any chance? The only time I’ve seen people get annoyed by this - and things like letting kids use the self checkout or beep the card on the reader - is when the parent is making a big song and dance of it and oblivious to the queue building to behind them.

There’s a time and a place and I’m just wondering if you’re one of those parents helping a very young child do things that really, really could be done at a time when there aren’t seventeen other people trying to run errands in the limited time they have available to them.

Absolutely. I distinctly remember people huffing and puffing when behind me as I was walking my kids up steps. So little tolerance.
My kids are mainly grown now and are polite, considerate people, unlike some here. No one is suggesting letting kids run riot, but a bit of consideration for the young members of society goes a long way.

Why does a child need to be in a supermarket at all?

Anyone who doesn't think their kids should run about the hotel unrestrained or squeal and squawk in their room at the crack of dawn is in no need of any such warning.

Maybe one of the people getting annoyed at your child had somewhere they had to be? Maybe they had 5 mins to grab a few bits after work before having to pick up their special needs child from school. Maybe they were quickly grabbing some stuff for the husband in hospital and they were worried and stressed. Why should it only be up to up to them to make allowances for a child? Maybe sometimes a parent could say "let's let that very stressed looking" woman or man grab what she needs quickly and then you can carry on getting the bananas.
I'm not saying it should always be children being made to move aside, but when people talk about how others should show consideration they never want to consider others.
I've seen parents let children walk very very slowly down the middle of stairs in a packed tube station in rush hour. It's not sensible or safe. Would it be nice in a perfect world that everyone waited behind the child and smiled and said how lovely it is? Of course. But realistically the hundreds of people stuck behind are very likely tired and stressed and need to get to work and it's not cute to any of them.
It would be lovely if every single person in this planet was more considerate to others. But most people in the modern world are tired, stressed and just trying to get through another day. And they all have issues of their own that they'd like consideration for.

Exactly. I recently saw a woman holding up the self till with 6 people behind her, letting little Mava have a teaching moment ffs.

I think I'm beginning to understand why so many students struggle to understand why they should behave a certain way in school corridors.

Lol. Definitely DO NOT tell your 3 year old off if you think it will anger them in anyway. As we all know 3 year olds are well known for their unselfish, calm and methodical demeanours. Obviously, let the toddler call all the shots, especially at a posh hotel 🙄

Life skills, understanding proper behaviour (parent needs to be teaching this of course) and understanding that life isn’t all constant thrills but involves boring stuff that needs to be done.

Exactly.

Were they awakened by phantom squeals, or just in the mood to complain so picked a random morning to phone reception?

Or were your kids so noisy that they were disturbed for an extended period of time? Most people don't phone down after just one or two noisy outbursts.

(Consideration works the other way too of course. I frequently let parents with young kids go ahead in a check out line or other queue because I find it easier to wait.)

It depends where you're walking them. If it's a long narrow staircase where no one can get past and there's a massive queue forming behind you and it'll take 10 minutes to get up them, then yes people are going to get annoyed. If it's a packed rush hour tube station and you're in the middle and the train is arriving and no one can get past you then yes people are going to get annoyed. If its a short flight like 5 steps into a restaurant then no they should just be patient.
Consideration for others works both ways.
Consideration for the child and mother trying to teach, consideration for the working mother who's just dropped her child off and has a narrow margin to get to work on time so can't wait an extra 10 mins to get on the tube.

I remember being somewhere at a tourist attraction with narrow stairs. There was a massive bottle neck because someone was letting their tiny 12-18 month old practise walking up the steps, with lots of parental encouragement and applause. It was in searing heat and not the time or the place.

Some parents truly are blind to everything apart from their own child.

Eh?? Er, because some people don’t have their children in childcare and need to go shopping just like everyone else…?

I think the OP is in the wrong here, but that doesn’t mean children should never be in public spaces. At some point they need to learn how to function as adults in society, and learning the unspoken rules of supermarket etiquette (for example, not taking overly long in front of a section where there are clearly other people waiting to get into the same area, not blocking the whole aisle with your trolley, trying to get through the till in a timely fashion when the shop is busy and everyone is waiting, etc) is part of normal life socialization.

A colleague was telling me about visiting pyramid In Egypt and showing me photos. Inside it was red hot and a narrow wooden ramp. Adults had to bend double. He said someone was letting a small child walk really slowly so everyone was having to wait. He’s young and childfree and was like who does that.

Those pyramid tunnels are hideous enough without waiting for a slow child. Some people are so damn selfish.

I do think blanket rules like no running indoors are easier all round, the children know where they stand.