Page 21 | To think hotels are very child unfriendly

Lenor · 15/08/2023 10:29

UsingChangeofName · 15/08/2023 10:05

I took my young children into a shopping centre today and I was on their case the entire time we were out. Stay next to me, don’t run around, don’t touch that, don’t laugh too loudly. I basically spent the entire time we were out getting them to ‘behave’ and the more I tried the more difficult it became because they are children, and those things don’t come naturally to them. They’re good children… but they were bored, there was a lot of waiting and ultimately they don’t have the ability at 3 and 5 years old to behave like mini adults.

The point of the thread though, is due to the fact that "they don't have the ability to behave like mini adults" (obviously, because they are small children), many of us choose to parent in such a way that they aren't expected to. My eldest had just turned 5 when my youngest was born, so I too had 3 under 6 for a while. I wouldn't expect them to have to spend a long time in a shopping centre. We didn't even have the option of on-line shopping when mine were little, as parents do now, but if I needed something, then - as a pp suggested - you pick your time and get in, get what you need, and get out. Preferably after the dc have had some exercise, or were on a promise of "First we need to get the school shoes, and then we are going to the park / swimming / whatever" for those occasions when you do need to take them in.

More generally, it is the same with the hotel - if you want a relaxing break and have small children - best option is not to use a hotel. As has been said, you have to be constantly engaging the children and teaching them how to behave in different situations. Yes, there is a time when you need to start doing that, but it's hardly a relaxing weekend away for anyone, so why inflict it upon yourselves? There are cottages, Air BnBs, tents, Youth hostels, caravans, statics and lodges. Plenty of choice for places where you can be on your own timetable, and where they are much more likely to have outside space for dc to play in. At different stages of life, you choose appropriate places to stay and appropriate activities for where your family is in life, not expect everyone around you to tolerate your children behaving inappropriately.

It's not about hating children at all. In fact one of the most frustrating things when out somewhere with your children who have been / are being taught how to behave appropriately for that space, is to have other children running riot and being allowed to do so. I'm very happy to see other families out and about doing stuff together, just not ruining things by disturbing other people.

In what world though do parents really have a great deal of choice about taking their children out with them to a shopping centre? We were back to school shopping. The weather was naff, there isn’t a park in the shopping centre and I wasn’t about to prolong my journey out by driving to somewhere else first. It’s my week off and the only time I can go. It’s ridiculous to suggest that I shouldn’t be in a public space at all because my children will find it boring and maybe not behave as beautifully as one would hope. No one chooses to spend their time with 3 children under 6 in a blood shopping centre for the fun of it.

We can talk about ideal scenarios all day long but that’s not the reality of the relentlessness of parenting is it?

FancyAnOlive · 15/08/2023 10:29

It's very entitled to think you and your kids should be able to access the pool during an adults only session. I've stayed in hotels with adult only sessions early morning - I've paid the extra money for these hotels because it means I can swim lengths without dodging kids playing. Completely unreasonable to expect you should be allowed in. I also think it's not ok to let your kids run in a hotel lobby and wonder if your kids made more noise in the early morning than you think - sure some people are bad tempered and dislike children, but the accumulation of all these things plus the red flag of your attitude at the pool makes me think it is your parenting. And I speak as a single parent of two autistic kids who have often struggled to behave appropriately in public places - but I have always tried really hard to get them to do so and when they were the ages yours were I rarely attempted hotels, I stuck to self catering so we caused less disturbance to other people. I found it incredibly stressful when my children caused a disturbance whereas you seem to find it absolutely fine.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 15/08/2023 10:32

LadyGrinningSoul85 · 15/08/2023 09:47

Honestly, OP. I wouldn't bother asking on here.
I'd ask on Babycentre, where the audience is younger, I spend most of my time posting there as they are more relatable due to my age (30s).

This website is full of older people that look back at how they parented with rose tinted glasses and think they did better than anyone ever did or does nowadays.
I was brought up by someone of that generation, so I find that laughable, but that's another story.

To answer your post. No, I don't think you're being unreasonable. Some people are just miserable arseholes that object to children taking up any space or making any sounds in general, not even fighting or squealing, just any sounds at all.
I would have encouraged mine to be louder out of spite, but that's because I've reached the point where I'm done being polite and trying to please these people.

Poke someone enough and they'll bite.

I hope you are okay and enjoying your break. Don't let these miseries spoil your time.

This is the funniest shit Ive read for a while

Puzzledandpissedoff · 15/08/2023 10:34

Soft play, playgrounds, specific child friendly movie sessions, ‘family resorts’, McDonalds etc were developed and exist, so kids can behave in developmentally appropriate ways. It gives parents options and places to take kids. Other places are where kids start and learn how to behave socially for specific situations

Beautifully put ... and how odd to see the UK described as "child unfriendly" when all these places (thankfully) exist

Hard not to suppose that for some, "child friendly" means tolerating even the worst behaviour, enabled by the kind of parents who can't be bothered to do their jobs

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 15/08/2023 10:47

ZeroFuchsGiven · 15/08/2023 10:32

This is the funniest shit Ive read for a while

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Trust me if I’d heard @LadyGrinningSoul85 encouraging her angels to be louder then I’d have complained to the hotel louder and if necessary when the kids are trying to sleep out comes my techno/opera music (oops sorry volume control, I’m old!).

Off to go to Babycentre @LadyGrinningSoul85 as the vipers on MN are obviously too old and staid for you!

Fallingthroughclouds · 15/08/2023 10:53

Ontheclifftop · 14/08/2023 10:17

We've just come back from a weekend away in a hotel with dd aged 5 and ds aged 3. Three incidents really made me realise how unwelcoming hotels are to young families:

When we were checking in after a long drive the kids were letting off a bit of steam. I know how that sounds, but they were just running around a bit, not getting in anyone's way or anything. Two people who were sitting on couches reading newspapers got up and left, one sighing heavily and one giving us a dirty look.
At about 7ish the following morning we got a call from reception to say the people in the next room were complaining about the noise. Again I know how that sounds, but dd and ds were playing quietly with some teddies. DS let out one squeal of excited laughing but other than that they were perfectly fine.
Following that call I said I'd take them down to the swimming pool as I knew it opened early. When I got down the attendant said it was adult only between 7.30 and 9.00. I explained about the phone call and pointed out there were only 2 people in the pool and I'd do my best to ensure we'd stay down at the shallow end and not get in their way. But he refused to let us in.

The whole thing really pissed me off. What are you supposed to do with young children in a hotel? If they play quietly in the room someone complains. If you try to use the facilities to keep them occupied, you're told you can't.

AIBU to feel hotels are just totally unwelcoming to young families nowadays?

I wouldn't mind the kids letting off a bit of steam in the foyer. Being woken up at 7am would probably annoy me, but I don't think you can expect radio silence in a hotel unless it's adult only. Saying that I've been woken up many more times by adults in hotels, rather than children. The swimming pool rule is frustrating, but there is nothing you can do about that. Biggest thing though, is that your kids sound neither feral nor badly behaved. They are just young kids.

PaperSheet · 15/08/2023 11:03

Lenor · 15/08/2023 09:31

I don’t agree with you, because I don’t think the way I feel is specific to adult-geared spaces. I think even when queing for soft play at the weekend I felt the pressure to keep my children in line, quiet, respectful. It isn’t so much about where we are, it’s about societies inappropriate expections of what age-appropriate behaviour actually is.

I also think that spaces like supermarkets are places that need to be family friendly. Sure, that might be because I’m in my ‘selfish’ family bubble… but I don’t think I’d feel any differently if it was any other large percentage of the population that felt unable to use such spaces without large societal pressure to keep their children under wraps.

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How could supermarkets be more family friendly? I'm genuinely interested in what ideas you have as i can't think of any. They are a public place where food is stored and people go to buy things. There is no "family friendly" version of children running about that would work with other members of the public trying to do shopping. As someone else pointed out there will be people shopping with limited vision, disability and mobility issues etc. So having children running about freely would hinder those people and could cause accidents.
Someone else upthread mentioned a play area in supermarkets somewhere in another country. Well is that for children to be left by the parents while they shop? Who is monitoring and keeping an eye on all these children if so? What happens when one gets hurt? When one clobbers another one so there's an injury? I could just imagine some parents dumping their kids there all day as well if it's free "childcare". If it's only a play area where parents have to sit and supervise then I'm not sure what good it will do? Parents will need to get to the supermarket earlier then still go shopping with the child. And if they can do that then why not just stop at a park or similar on the way?

LondonJax · 15/08/2023 11:04

We've stayed in lots of hotels, including when DS was little, and have only once had to complain to reception about noise from next door. We've never had anyone complain to us (or about us unless reception didn't let us know for some reason). So I doubt the 'squeal' was only once. DS would be awake at 7am (if not earlier) and our TV would be on very low with cartoons to keep him occupied. We've also heard the very faint murmur of neighbouring TVs at various times - none of which have bothered us. So the noise was either much louder and for longer or you were very unlucky with neighbours listening for the first sign of noise.

The only time we've complained (along with five neighbouring rooms) was about two young women on a wedding weekend. They decided to start their music at 10pm and at 11pm I went to ask them to turn it down - not off, down. They did then promptly turned it up at 11.30pm. Reception came up at nearly midnight after loads of complaints. They went out at 12.30am, back at about 6.30am when the music went on again. The hotel refunded the money for all five rooms and the women were asked to leave that morning - the morning of their friend's wedding. Bad luck as the hotel called neighbouring hotels to warn them about the women's behaviour so they probably had a stressful time finding somewhere. But brought on by themselves. You don't have five rooms complaining about lack of sleep if it's just some 'oldies' moaning.

And I'd have been very happy to move but the hotel was full (another wedding party but this time really lovely, 'normal' volume people).

As for the intolerance with disabled kids, I've got a kid with a heart condition. He needs a bit of peace at night. You have no idea who is next door or what their circumstances are so judginess works both ways. The man the other side of our noisy neighbours was running a training course for doctors the next day. He got less than 6 hours sleep and was completely stressed when we met in line at reception. Not everyone has the pleasure of having a lie in to catch up on sleep.

Thegoodbadandugly · 15/08/2023 11:09

LadyGrinningSoul85 · 15/08/2023 09:47

Honestly, OP. I wouldn't bother asking on here.
I'd ask on Babycentre, where the audience is younger, I spend most of my time posting there as they are more relatable due to my age (30s).

This website is full of older people that look back at how they parented with rose tinted glasses and think they did better than anyone ever did or does nowadays.
I was brought up by someone of that generation, so I find that laughable, but that's another story.

To answer your post. No, I don't think you're being unreasonable. Some people are just miserable arseholes that object to children taking up any space or making any sounds in general, not even fighting or squealing, just any sounds at all.
I would have encouraged mine to be louder out of spite, but that's because I've reached the point where I'm done being polite and trying to please these people.

Poke someone enough and they'll bite.

I hope you are okay and enjoying your break. Don't let these miseries spoil your time.

You and people like you are what's wrong with society these days, pure selfishness and no respect for other people. Your children will grow up exactly the same entitled. The same sort of people who's little Johnny's can do no wrong.

Kazzyhoward · 15/08/2023 11:21

I think people have the wrong idea about who stays in hotels in the UK. It's not like the Costa del Sol where everyone is on holiday. In the UK, there are a lot of workers, contractors, etc., who are staying in hotels whilst working away from home, especially the chains such as Travelodge, Holiday Inn, Premier Inn, etc. Hotels such as Holiday Inn, with a pool, usually have an adults only swim session early morning so the workers can have a swim before going to work in peace and not having to dodge children. We've just stayed in one in a tourist city and there must have been about 20/30 "workmens'/contractors vans" in the car park which had all disappeared by 8.30! That's the main reason why they have a "adult only" swim session between 7am and 9am! Plus as others have said, some such hotels also have a gym, so offer gym/pool membership to locals who likewise may want a swim before going to work. Just because the OP is on holiday doesn't mean that all the hotel guests are on holiday!

CasperGutman · 15/08/2023 11:25

YABU to think that being unsuitable for "letting off steam" makes hotels "child unfriendly". My children love staying in hotels, because they can sleep peacefully in the bedrooms and enjoy a civilised "grown up" meal in the restaurant.

I suppose YANBU to think that most hotels aren't a suitable place for young children to spend the entire day. Most don't cater for playing and running wild. The bedrooms are for sleeping in and the restaurants are for eating and drinking. Play areas are few and far between. We tend to plan to arrive there in time to eat and go to bed, and leave in the morning after breakfast.

toottootpipip · 15/08/2023 11:25

Kazzyhoward · 15/08/2023 11:21

I think people have the wrong idea about who stays in hotels in the UK. It's not like the Costa del Sol where everyone is on holiday. In the UK, there are a lot of workers, contractors, etc., who are staying in hotels whilst working away from home, especially the chains such as Travelodge, Holiday Inn, Premier Inn, etc. Hotels such as Holiday Inn, with a pool, usually have an adults only swim session early morning so the workers can have a swim before going to work in peace and not having to dodge children. We've just stayed in one in a tourist city and there must have been about 20/30 "workmens'/contractors vans" in the car park which had all disappeared by 8.30! That's the main reason why they have a "adult only" swim session between 7am and 9am! Plus as others have said, some such hotels also have a gym, so offer gym/pool membership to locals who likewise may want a swim before going to work. Just because the OP is on holiday doesn't mean that all the hotel guests are on holiday!

Agree with this. I was at a hotel on business last month and it was full of American tourists chatting loudly in the corridors at midnight and then their kids running around and doing the same at 6am, so completely selfish.

LolaSmiles · 15/08/2023 11:32

Honestly, OP. I wouldn't bother asking on here.
I'd ask on Babycentre, where the audience is younger, I spend most of my time posting there as they are more relatable due to my age (30s).
It's not an age thing.
It's a basic manners thing.

I've got friends with young children in their 20s, 30s, and 40s. None of them allow the sort of free range, charge around, make as much noise as you like behaviour that selfish/lazy/permissive parents do.

Very few people in life have a problem with hearing children existing. They exist, but they're a minority. That's why most parents will encounter someone like that once in a while but not regularly .

If someone is regularly having a problem with how other people view their children's behaviour in a range of different then there's two options:

A: The whole country really does absolutely hate children. They can't stand the existence of the younger generation. In fact they're so frothy and cantankerous that the mere sight of a family sends them into an illogic frenzy of evil looks. Or by pure coincidence the evil child haters happen to be everywhere the family is just waiting to hate on their children for no reason at all. The joyless miseries see a child smile and they're ready to erupt in a child hating outburst.

B: Their children don't behave themselves appropriately in a range of situations and as parents they really need to step up.

HarrietJet · 15/08/2023 11:34

Even at "family friendly" hotels it's not really on to let them run around the reception area letting off steam.
Come on, op!

Segway16 · 15/08/2023 11:57

AsianRose · 15/08/2023 10:14

Blimey. You may as well be talking about dogs. 😯
It's this attitude which underpins the whole thread

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Absolutely. It does sound as though OP’s children are noisier and more disruptive than she’s aware, but the rest of it is pure lunacy.

If hotels are for adults and they are the “target market” then I really look forward to the reduction in rates over the school holidays. Hotels won’t be wanting to make a major profit from the school holidays because children and families aren’t their target market. They won’t need adult only hotels cause we all know children shouldn’t stay in hotels.

Fidethb · 15/08/2023 12:05

YABU

Running around the hotel reception is not acceptable and if it bothered people enough that they felt they had to leave, it clearly wasn't the cute and unobtrusive act you are making it out to be. This was purely down to poor parenting

People heard your children, from ANOTHER ROOM, loudly and consistently enough to complain. Your children were beitloud and you are either in denial or are aoniaws to them being allowed to scream and shout so loudly that you're immune to what loud is. I'd be furious to woken at 7am, on a weekend, on holiday, in a nice hotel I'd paid for because another guest can't handle their children

It was like a couple of hours for an adult only time for proper swimming and relaxation. Also, why couldn't you have just taken the children for breakfast? Surely you all needed to eat at that time so why not have breakfast and go back to the pool at 9? Or take them outside for a walk/play until a more suitable hotel

Honestly, it seems to me that your parenting style means that your children aren't hotel-friendly, not the other way around. If your children can't behave appropriately in those situations, you need to work on that and, in the meantime, find other options like self catering apartments/cottages

Original poster

Ontheclifftop · 15/08/2023 12:08

LondonJax · 15/08/2023 11:04

We've stayed in lots of hotels, including when DS was little, and have only once had to complain to reception about noise from next door. We've never had anyone complain to us (or about us unless reception didn't let us know for some reason). So I doubt the 'squeal' was only once. DS would be awake at 7am (if not earlier) and our TV would be on very low with cartoons to keep him occupied. We've also heard the very faint murmur of neighbouring TVs at various times - none of which have bothered us. So the noise was either much louder and for longer or you were very unlucky with neighbours listening for the first sign of noise.

The only time we've complained (along with five neighbouring rooms) was about two young women on a wedding weekend. They decided to start their music at 10pm and at 11pm I went to ask them to turn it down - not off, down. They did then promptly turned it up at 11.30pm. Reception came up at nearly midnight after loads of complaints. They went out at 12.30am, back at about 6.30am when the music went on again. The hotel refunded the money for all five rooms and the women were asked to leave that morning - the morning of their friend's wedding. Bad luck as the hotel called neighbouring hotels to warn them about the women's behaviour so they probably had a stressful time finding somewhere. But brought on by themselves. You don't have five rooms complaining about lack of sleep if it's just some 'oldies' moaning.

And I'd have been very happy to move but the hotel was full (another wedding party but this time really lovely, 'normal' volume people).

As for the intolerance with disabled kids, I've got a kid with a heart condition. He needs a bit of peace at night. You have no idea who is next door or what their circumstances are so judginess works both ways. The man the other side of our noisy neighbours was running a training course for doctors the next day. He got less than 6 hours sleep and was completely stressed when we met in line at reception. Not everyone has the pleasure of having a lie in to catch up on sleep.

That was pretty disgraceful behaviour.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ontheclifftop · 15/08/2023 12:13

I meant to add, but nothing like my children's behaviour. They literally ran a bit around the lobby when we were checking in. They were not getting in anyone's way, they were over to the side by the wall.
The noise in the morning was just two kids playing with soft toys, putting on voices etc.
I accept I was wrong about the pool, but at that stage I was just trying to think of some way to distract them. If I'd brought them outside they'd have been running around under people's windows and no doubt there'd have been more complaints.

OP posts:

HarrietJet · 15/08/2023 12:17

Ontheclifftop · 15/08/2023 12:13

I meant to add, but nothing like my children's behaviour. They literally ran a bit around the lobby when we were checking in. They were not getting in anyone's way, they were over to the side by the wall.
The noise in the morning was just two kids playing with soft toys, putting on voices etc.
I accept I was wrong about the pool, but at that stage I was just trying to think of some way to distract them. If I'd brought them outside they'd have been running around under people's windows and no doubt there'd have been more complaints.

They were annoying and loud enough for people to: 1) Leave the area they were running about in, and 2) Ring reception to complain about the noise from your room.
You are intent on minimising it, but these people didn't complain about nothing.

HolidaysShouldNotEnd · 15/08/2023 12:19

Ontheclifftop · 15/08/2023 12:13

I meant to add, but nothing like my children's behaviour. They literally ran a bit around the lobby when we were checking in. They were not getting in anyone's way, they were over to the side by the wall.
The noise in the morning was just two kids playing with soft toys, putting on voices etc.
I accept I was wrong about the pool, but at that stage I was just trying to think of some way to distract them. If I'd brought them outside they'd have been running around under people's windows and no doubt there'd have been more complaints.

All these replies and you still don’t ‘get it’. I think you will one day when your kids have grown up.

Grimbelina · 15/08/2023 12:19

...OP can you still not see that other people just wouldn't let their children run around in a reception area? It just isn't acceptable. Why couldn't you have found a local park and taken them there first thing in the morning? This is exactly what we did in your situation. Is that because it would have inconvenienced you?

EbiRaisukaree · 15/08/2023 12:20

Childfroendly · 15/08/2023 09:44

If that's your reasoning, why should they care about people who wish to read in peace.
Lobby's are public, busy places, if they wanted to read in peace maybe they should have stayed in their rooms.

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If the hotel has a proper lobby, as opposed to a small Premier Inn style reception area, then it very much is intended to be a space that guests can use for recreation, such as sitting reading, taking tea, or chatting. Part of the facilities available. It might also contain a reception desk, but it’s not just a reception area. What it certainly isn’t, in either case, is somewhere that children should be running around. The presence of comfy chairs and sofas is usually a giveaway.

Original poster

Ontheclifftop · 15/08/2023 12:24

Grimbelina · 15/08/2023 12:19

...OP can you still not see that other people just wouldn't let their children run around in a reception area? It just isn't acceptable. Why couldn't you have found a local park and taken them there first thing in the morning? This is exactly what we did in your situation. Is that because it would have inconvenienced you?

They weren't running around the people reading in the reception area. They were running up and down over by the wall, and it was only for about 5 to 10 minutes while we waited to check in. If we'd tried to stop them my 3 year old would have kicked off, creating more noise.

OP posts:

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 15/08/2023 12:25

Hard not to suppose that for some, "child friendly" means tolerating even the worst behaviour, enabled by the kind of parents who can't be bothered to do their jobs

This x1000.

Accommodating well-behaved children is fine. Those who need to wildly run around, scream or screech are not ready to join civilized society.

Allsweep · 15/08/2023 12:31

Ontheclifftop · 15/08/2023 12:24

They weren't running around the people reading in the reception area. They were running up and down over by the wall, and it was only for about 5 to 10 minutes while we waited to check in. If we'd tried to stop them my 3 year old would have kicked off, creating more noise.

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Fwiw I think this sounds absolutely fine. I am a bit surprised by how hardcore people have been about running inside.

I don't let my children get in anyone's way but if there is space, why not?

E.g. at baggage reclaim recently - one end of the hall was totally empty so I let my kids run around that bit. I wouldn't let them do it in the area people were standing or moving luggage obviously but I don't agree with blanket no running ever inside either.