To think hotels are very child unfriendly

[Ontheclifftop]

We've just come back from a weekend away in a hotel with dd aged 5 and ds aged 3. Three incidents really made me realise how unwelcoming hotels are to young families:

1. When we were checking in after a long drive the kids were letting off a bit of steam. I know how that sounds, but they were just running around a bit, not getting in anyone's way or anything. Two people who were sitting on couches reading newspapers got up and left, one sighing heavily and one giving us a dirty look.
2. At about 7ish the following morning we got a call from reception to say the people in the next room were complaining about the noise. Again I know how that sounds, but dd and ds were playing quietly with some teddies. DS let out one squeal of excited laughing but other than that they were perfectly fine.
3. Following that call I said I'd take them down to the swimming pool as I knew it opened early. When I got down the attendant said it was adult only between 7.30 and 9.00. I explained about the phone call and pointed out there were only 2 people in the pool and I'd do my best to ensure we'd stay down at the shallow end and not get in their way. But he refused to let us in.

The whole thing really pissed me off. What are you supposed to do with young children in a hotel? If they play quietly in the room someone complains. If you try to use the facilities to keep them occupied, you're told you can't.

AIBU to feel hotels are just totally unwelcoming to young families nowadays?

Yes you are being unreasonable. It’s very telling that you think it is acceptable for your kids to run around a hotel lobby and that everyone should be fine with it. Nobody cares you have had a long journey. Do you care if they have come away to have a break to relax? I have 3 children and in that situation my partner or myself would entertain the kids while the other checked in. It really shouldn’t be that hard to control your kids.

Now I've slept on what I've said,you have changed my mind there are worse words than bratty.

I always get apartments these days........usually works our cheaper as well.

Howling at reform school!

I don’t agree with you, because I don’t think the way I feel is specific to adult-geared spaces. I think even when queing for soft play at the weekend I felt the pressure to keep my children in line, quiet, respectful. It isn’t so much about where we are, it’s about societies inappropriate expections of what age-appropriate behaviour actually is.

I also think that spaces like supermarkets are places that need to be family friendly. Sure, that might be because I’m in my ‘selfish’ family bubble… but I don’t think I’d feel any differently if it was any other large percentage of the population that felt unable to use such spaces without large societal pressure to keep their children under wraps.

I honestly thought this thread would be about something reasonable like a hotel reneging on a promise for adjoining-connected rooms or forgetting the travel cot (these things have both happened to me)

but, no….

😂 “Several people complained about my badly behaved children. Failing to acknowledge what the constant is in this situation, I blame the hotel”

Whilst I agree with you somewhat, I also think that sometimes a car is needed for whatever reason and its societies view that needs to change and not the method of transport people use. We did drive to the shopping centre and you’re right, it absolutely is part of the reason my children were more difficult to contain than usual. For context, I’m owner of a forest school provision which is in my back garden. We as a family only own one car, which is used about twice a week. We live in a village with its own high street less than a 10 minute walk from our house. We walk everywhere, and my children are extremely fit.

I still needed to use my car that day to get to a specific shop, I needed to take my children and I don’t think that the pressure that is placed on mothers (yep, the woman specifically, no one would have batted an eyelid at dad) to have their children behave like mini adults is appropriate.

Supermarkets is a tricky one - you'd have to explain in more detail what you mean by 'family friendly' and then see if that was at the expense of being equally friendly to other groups in society, for example those with mobility or sight issues who would absolutely struggle if kids were encouraged to run free even more than they already are.

I also think that spaces like supermarkets are places that need to be family friendly.

Went to an amazing supermarket in Greece once. On several levels linked by moving ramps for trolleys, and on the top level was an amazing (by supermarket standards) restaurant with a sumptuous choice of hot dishes and salads - and a supervised children’s play area.

With radio silence from OP I feel sure her version of events was very much toned down. Still can’t believe the level of entitlement here on 3 counts. OP doesn’t seem to take into consideration that if circumstances were reversed and she/her DH were disturbed (staying without children) they’d have call to complain too.

Bet staff were secretly pleased when they left.

We all need to be tolerant of each other at times, and there are places where I expect children to be, well, being children, and places where parents really need to set guidelines. In this case other guests may have been more understanding if the op had less of a 'you have to put up with my kids' attitude and was actually trying to calm them down a bit/work within the hotel guidelines!
Agree with this.
There's a minority of people who will be judgey and rude at the sight of a child, but most are understanding especially in situations where a parent is doing their best.
The issue is that some parents seem to confuse developmentally appropriate behaviour and family friendly with the expectation that they can allow their children to be loud/boisterous and disruptive. Then when child-free adults or other parents object to the behaviour, they sulk and claim everyone hates children.

Yeah, and what about all those toddler groups and soft play places that don't let my teens go and hang out at?

What is the world coming to with its completely vile discrimination

My local Tescos has all that (not the ramps or play area!).

I’m sure in the olden days some supermarkets had play areas.

I love kids (mine are grown up), I work with kids, but no way do I want them running wild, anywhere. I would recommend you save this post and read it in 20 years time and see how you feel then!!

Several people complained about my badly behaved children. Failing to acknowledge what the constant is in this situation, I blame the hotel

Very well summed up @JustEatTheOneInTheBallPit

Agreed. I’ve been in places like hotels where adults actually do things like parent their kids (eg check in) rather than leaving them to do x y z. On some occasions I say and mean it “are you looking forward to staying?” to the child as kids like engagement.

I often wonder why some people here can't just reply to the original poster in a way that gets the point across but without rude comments? Or heaping on extra judgement/accusations. Fair enough if you think the OP wrong but go easy.

I have just returned from but a very expensive shared rental in a resort where I stayed with my children and having had the place to ourselves on the last night an older couple arrived to stay above us and believe me, adults can be completely inconsiderate at times. Loud from the moment they arrived, banging doors, bashing around upstairs like elephants (they did not take their hiking boots off even when they had to know it made a lot of noise on wood floors!), they were noisier than all my kids combined, in fact I'd say they'd no idea there were four kids below them and my kids aren't majorly quiet. They were up at 7am, loud conversation on the balcony, more clattering of furniture, banging doors again while we all slept (except me, it woke me, the rest of them sleep through everything).

Obvs acoustics weren't great but I was just glad we'd only one night of them and that I brought earplugs. We take risks where ever we go when staying next to other humans adult or child. I'd have taken a few squeals or a couple of kids doing laps in a lobby any day above our last night. I've never found hotels quiet myself.

If that's your reasoning, why should they care about people who wish to read in peace.
Lobby's are public, busy places, if they wanted to read in peace maybe they should have stayed in their rooms.

Of course hotels aren't really family friendly. The vast majority have bedrooms only, not suites, meaning parents are stuck sat in a dark family room once children go to sleep because they can't be left unattended.

Clearly apartments/self catered cottages etc are more suitable style of accommodation with young children.

Family friendly hotels do exist, it doesn't sound like you chose one.

@Ontheclifftop

can’t believe you thought your kids should be able to use the pool during the adult only time!

and as for running around the lobby 🤯

Honestly, OP. I wouldn't bother asking on here.
I'd ask on Babycentre, where the audience is younger, I spend most of my time posting there as they are more relatable due to my age (30s).

This website is full of older people that look back at how they parented with rose tinted glasses and think they did better than anyone ever did or does nowadays.
I was brought up by someone of that generation, so I find that laughable, but that's another story.

To answer your post. No, I don't think you're being unreasonable. Some people are just miserable arseholes that object to children taking up any space or making any sounds in general, not even fighting or squealing, just any sounds at all.
I would have encouraged mine to be louder out of spite, but that's because I've reached the point where I'm done being polite and trying to please these people.

Poke someone enough and they'll bite.

I hope you are okay and enjoying your break. Don't let these miseries spoil your time.

Sorry OP but you sound like one of 'those' parents. So adults get 90 minutes of the pool child free and you try to negotiate your way in ? YABVU

If that's your reasoning, why should they care about people who wish to read in peace.
Lobby's are public, busy places, if they wanted to read in peace maybe they should have stayed in their rooms

Perhaps they were waiting for someone. Perhaps they were killing 10 minutes before their taxi turned up. Perhaps they fancied being somewhere other than their room.

Have a read of this thread and see how many people agree with you and OP vs everyone else on it, and that should give you an idea of what the general consensus is of who is right