A friend who steals your other friends

[Whenseptembercomes]

Anyone else got one of these?

One of my friends is super sociable (I’m less so in comparison, but have always had nice friends)

I’ve often introduced her to friends that I know and have known for a while, we then start seeing each other in a group, but then she’ll often arrange to see them on a one on one basis (obviously entitled to do this if she pleases) she almost love bombs new friends, then they start doing everything together.
I’ve noticed it a few times and have to admit it bugs me, not sure why
Anyone else with a friend like this?

Wendy!!!

Is she actually stealing them from you by alienating them from you or just making more effort than you do with them? I think there's a big difference.

Been there! It's difficult and leaves you in a position where you can't say anything otherwise you look jealous/deranged/pathetic.

I have no idea what the answer is , so, like you I'd be interested to hear.
Hold your head high xxx

I am that friend 😳 but really don’t mean to be and certainly don’t love bomb!! It’s happened a few times, I’ve been introduced to friends of a friend, they’ve asked for my number and have initiated meet ups where other friend hasn’t been invited. We’ve got closer and I still remain close with original friend but I always feel bad about it!

Yes i had one of these (my SIL for context). She would love bomb my mates, she was best thing since sliced bread to them i dont know how she kept up the facade of being nice, then things would go Pete Tong and essentially she would fall out with people. Couldn’t keep a friend, except me for a long time (only because we were SIL), always the other person’s fault. We stayed friends a long time until i disagreed with something and then i ghosted as i knew what a cow she had been about others so i felt just to remove and block was the better option. Its been bliss

Just to add, if I arrange anything with new friends I will always include original friend, however if new friends arrange something my original friend is often left out and I feel I can’t say anything as it’s not me who’s arranged the get together! This has happened to me a few times with different ‘original’ friends.

Assuming she isn't pushing you out of the friendship group I really don't get this way of thinking. I love it when my friends all get on well with each other.

Yep know one of those. They come along and take over nights out making it all about them, fawning over people and (what looks like) deliberately alienates you from the conversation. I would think I was paranoid but a “couple friends” have done this to me and my husband and it is weirdly reassuring when it is happening to two of you because then you don’t feel like you’re going mad and being paranoid.
My response is to simply avoid them where possible and when we are at group things to just pull on my big girl pants and not let them ostracise me. My husband finds it a lot harder to deal with and is often hurt after a night out.
I’m just waiting - they have a history of causing arguments so I make sure they can’t argue with us anymore and I’m just waiting for a big bust up. Then, when others see them for what they are I will tell other people what I really think of the pair.

She isn’t alienating me, however the closer they get, the more I do sort of notice a slight shift with the friend I knew first, hard to explain it

She has a lot of friends (the friend stealer)
but also has quite a few enemies and people she’s fallen out with. I think we haven’t fallen out because I see her sporadically and keep myself to myself a bit more

I just wonder what makes people do this 🤷🏻‍♀️Why?

What I don’t like is when people ‘guard’ their friends and don’t want them to mix. If one friend gets on with your other friends, what’s not to like? The only problem I’d have with this would be if they then started excluding me, or squeezing me out.

When this friend asks/arranges to meet the other friends, are you invited or excluded?

@Zippyzoppy Not invited a lot of the time now, it’s happened with a couple of friends.
Definitely don’t guard my friends at all

Women of my extended family tend to do this. We host big parties for friends and family and a couple of them seem to always try and befriend my friends on social media, if I do something with said friends and we post about it, they will comment on their posts things like "we should do this soon I love -insert activity my friend/I posted about)" 😂 another family member once invited 2 of my friends for coffee, my friends showed up and were confused because they thought I was going too 🤯, but I wasn't invited....

I actually love it when my friends make friends with my other friends. If I have a friend who has a lot in common with another friend then I'll always make an effort to introduce them.

I had a friend like this, declaring to my friends that she loved them after only meeting them a couple of times, so OTT and fake and it used to really irritate me. I gradually stopped seeing her and never looked back. (Not saying you should do this, it was just the right thing to do for me!)

You must all be new because this is known on here as being a ‘Wendy.’ It’s not about all your friends getting along, it’s when someone you introduce to a friend them pushes you out of the friendship group. It’s incredibly toxic and apparently very common.

Nothing wrong with not mixing your friends.

BINGO.
Wendy.

Just trying to work out why she does it

That doesn’t seem on.

I have a friend who was introduced to me by a third party. It was obvious early on that we got on really well, so wanted to meet up again. Initially, we always invited our mutual friend, but she had such limited availability that if we had waited for her we would only have met about once every 6 months. She seemed happy for us to go ahead without her, but we would still continue to ask.

At what point did they seem to stop asking you? Was it from the outset, or after a while once their relationship developed further?

I was once in a social group after newly moving to the area. I became kind of friendly with a woman there, well she just talked at me and I was more polite back then and just relieved to have met someone friendly.

But then any time I met anyone else I liked in the group she would also home in on them and become their enthusiastic new friend so there was no room for me, and they would all feel that any meeting up would have to involve her, plus she would just talk non-stop while out so nobody got a word in edgeways or a chance to get to know each other.

So after a while I just gave up and didn't make any friends for a few years. Happy days 🙄

Yes, I have a friend who is very confident and sociable and generous. She is good company and funny but I notice that if one of the women we both know seems to click better with me, she can't quite believe it. I have my failings, maybe I'm more emotional but sometimes it's the emotions that connect you to people. Lately I've had this weird feeling I'm somehow stepping on toes so I have fallen in to a bad habit of never contacting anybody in the group as perhaps she might be upset. I know that sounds half baked, but there is something I need to be careful around, and it's not serving me.

Why so possessive?

@Zippyzoppy As their friendship has developed further. I’m just not used to it as other friends haven’t really done it, whereas I’m noticing a pattern with her
I do also get the vibe that she wants to/has to be the one most liked