A friend who steals your other friends

[Whenseptembercomes]

Anyone else got one of these?

One of my friends is super sociable (I’m less so in comparison, but have always had nice friends)

I’ve often introduced her to friends that I know and have known for a while, we then start seeing each other in a group, but then she’ll often arrange to see them on a one on one basis (obviously entitled to do this if she pleases) she almost love bombs new friends, then they start doing everything together.
I’ve noticed it a few times and have to admit it bugs me, not sure why
Anyone else with a friend like this?

It really isn't. It's really insulting, along with being a' Karen" etc.

Don’t be daft @WouldYouLikeYourMuffinButtered

Yep, I've had this very recently. I have a friend group (that I established) and introduced a new friend. All seemed fine. If I arrange anything socially I always invite everyone, and feel bad if I don't. Well that's all changed after Friday night. I arranged a meal out with 5 friends, including new friend. During the meal it became apparent that new friend and another friend had been socialising together. I was a bit nonplussed, as I always include others and would have liked the courtesy returned, but whatever. Then one of the others said to new friend "Sorry I didn't reply to your email, I'm really behind with admin stuff, but yes I'll get back to you and we'll arrange something". I've been a mug, but no longer. If new friend isn't including me then I won't be including her from now on. Sadly, ultimately, she's the loser. She's been schmoozing me about a business venture, but I can't do business with a snake.

OP, it could be as PP have said, she’s someone people gravitate towards, sociable and puts effort in. Some people are like that. Is it her fault if your friends like her and want to hang out with her? Absolutely not, unless you have evidence she is trying to exclude you or bad mouth you, which I think you don’t?
If you do see her as a friend, maybe trust her a bit more. If you can’t, then you actually aren’t her friend.

I just find it sad that here we are insulting women according to their name. It's not daft...its simply unnecessarily nasty.

@WouldYouLikeYourMuffinButtered that’s not at all the case though. Nobody is slating the name Wendy. It was a fictional name given to the ‘friend’ by the OP who started the original thread and it stuck. It could’ve been any name.

@LaDeeDa123 I didnt use a fictional name 🙈I’ve never heard of it being called a Wendy before, other posters said it was

It's not. The name Wendy is like Karen and used as an insult to women, by predominantly women. I just find it sad that we cannot rise above this.

It’s not the same thing at all @WouldYouLikeYourMuffinButtered

@Whenseptembercomes i said on the original thread ie the thread which talked about this situation first. It was years ago.

Oh I see 👍sorry, assumed you meant this thread

I'm not sure why it bugs you either!
There's something i see on MN but have never experience or even heard of elsewhere and its the phenomenon of people being peeved because they weren't invited somewhere. I don't mean to a party where everyone else was there, I mean say if Beckie and Tasha arranged to go to a gig without you. It's like everyone has to meet up in a minimum of 3s, more if you all know each other.

Are your friends turning you down because they're with her? Are you losing out in any way or are your friends just having a bit of extra fun/interest in there lives?
I was just thinking I can't recall experiencing this but then I wonder if I'm that friend. I'm a bit of a social butterfly. I don't have many close friends, I go with the flow and dip in and out. I seem to get invites without being pushing so assuming it's going OK.

I hate mixing friends cos expectations are that everyone gets invited to everything plus if they fall out you are piggy in the middle.

Yes. I ask more questions, praise people more, ask for opinions on things, offer discount codes etc I have. All the ‘small talk’ I never really got before. When I figured out people only make friends for their benefit it all clicked into place.

I don’t mind if I introduce people to each other and they develop a relationship separately, after all that is often the reason I do it. I think ‘ooh you’ve got a lot in common with x’. Most times their relationship doesn’t affect my friendship with either person. But what bugs me is people who use me for connecting and never reciprocate. I’ve had that happen loads of times, and then they just drop me completely. It’s like, oh I see, now that I’m no longer useful for you, we aren’t friends anymore. It really is quite low. I like meeting new people too, I feel true friends should expand and complement your life, not make it smaller.

This thread has been an eye opener. Some very mixed responses. OK just hypothesising but let's say I move to a new city where i know no one. I then get invited to a works do and Katie is kind and befriends me. We often eat our lunch together in the office. At the works do I meet Jenny. She's really interesting and we get on great. Katie and Jenny are going to cinema and I get invited. Katie was meh about the film but me and Jenny loved it. We exchange numbers and Jenny messages me and we agree to go and watch Openheimer together. Katie is annoyed because she wasn't invited but last time we went pictures she was saying the film we loved was boring. She also said she wanted to see Barbie and me and Jenny didn't. I become good friends with Jenny and over time see less of Katie.
What's wrong with that?

I've been lucky as I've never had one, but they sound a right pain in the bum. I think they are known as Wendys on mumsnet, I'm not sure why. Is there a meme about Wendys in the same way there are memes about Karens? Is it a "thing?"

The idea of someone stealing people is something I think of as what children say adults are friends with people they get along with so this is a good thing

The original Wendy thread was more about a group of friends rather than individuals- the original Wendy thread was where the op met a lady who was new to the area and introduced her to her solid group of friends - for ease the new lady was called Wendy as a fictional name - "Wendy" then proceeded to turn the friendship group against the op and purposefully ostracised the op - so not quite the same unless this friend of this OP is actively turning her friends against her? And as the op feels something is off it is a possibility.

It is not the same as PPs example of just getting on with some more than others.

Like many, I have been on both sides of this scenario. I have been flattered that my friends think I have amazing friends and so it reflects well on me. Then I have had some amazing connections when one friend introduces me to one of their friends.
The upside is that your all friends will have fun at your wedding .

You can't actually do anything about being wendied though, so just rise above it morally and let it go.

I had a close friend of many years, we ended up having daughters within six months of each other. When the kids were at preschool I met another mum with a daughter the same age and we would all catch up and the kids would play. My daughter was very close to my original friends daughter and were inseparable. They started school and despite not living in the area the new friend sent her daughter to the same school as my original friend and I. The new friend quickly started inviting my original friend over without me and the kids became very close. After a while I was essentially wendied. But unfortunately so was my daughter. It was hard on dd to start again friend wise so after the first year she changed schools. The new friend was very possessive of my original friend and chased off all the potential new friends she could have made at the school. I was at a kids party with both of them and watched the new friend talking over the top of anyone who tried to speak to my original friend. They fell out and my original friend changed schools to the same one my dd now goes to. I don’t say more than a hello to the original friend as we pass each other, and I always request our dds are in different classes.

I think the reason in this case is the new friend was very insecure. I think it was similar that the new friend loved bombed my original friend. There are possibly some mental health issues. The aggression over who stood where when we were walking (she jokingly pushed me out the way so she could walk next to original friend) the woman was not stable. I also heard she had said a few unkind things about my dd to other parents in the class. I think she wanted us to leave the school.

I handled this by walking away. If my original friend was happy to end our friendship there is no coming back from that. I wouldn’t lose sleep over your friend wanting to spend more time with this other person. You need to leave the high school crap back at high school.

I'd continue to see your friends without her.

The fact you think she's stealing your friends is probably why they like her more it's not high school you don't own this girl

Is she an only child?
Is she a lesbian - maybe the attraction is not platonic?
If all friends seem happy, until it is not happy, I guess you have no option but to go with the flow.
Do you feel a pang when now introducing a new friend?
You must be nice, to continue to be making new friends and introducing them. You are sweet. The stealer is different.

Watch Bridesmaids and have a laugh and buy a Labrador puppy.