Woman at park wished my son to fall off climbing frame...

[justanothermanicm0nday]

At a popular theme park this week with my 12 year old son who albeit is prob too old but is appeasing his younger sister and friends.

They were playing in the play area between rides. We were sat watching actually inside the park, I was probably 4m from the actual frame. My son has climbed on top of the climbing frame and has just sat on top and is talking to his sister below. He was not doing anything silly albeit he prob shouldn't of been on top of the climbing frame roof bit but wasn't overly high or dangerous to him and he was quite capable.

There was a group of women sat next to us. One of the women was getting very agitated about my son being on top, I only caught mid convo but overheard her saying at first "I hope he falls off" which is what caught my attention. She then continued to say how stupid it was and she hoped he fell off and it taught him a lesson etc not just once but over and over.

I was a bit shocked tbh, I didn't say anything to her directly as didn't want to cause a scene, I'm not that kind of person but it's really been playing on my mind.

Yes the he's being silly bit but the wishing he would fall off, who says that?

I don't know why I'm posting this on here either, just to check aibu? Or hoping she may be on here to explain her side to help me see why she wished my son to fall off and hurt himself.

(If he was to fall of I doubt he'd of actually hurt himself tbh because it actually wasn't too high)

Her 'side' it's that it's really annoying when older kids (mis)use attractions meant for younger children. It can be intimidating for younger ones, the older child could hurt them, and the equipment isn't designed to be used by them in that way. In our park the toddler swings have been broken by young teens sitting in them. Its just very annoying!
That said she lost every bit of moral high ground by wishing your son would fall. Its a horrible thing to think and say.

Okay I understand that he was wrong, next time I will make sure he gets down.

Today we've been to the park and a range of children (not mine this time) age 5-9ish have been climbing on the roof of climbing frame and also a train that had toddlers playing in. No one has said a word, some were just sitting on there and some where climbing up and down. This is our local park. No one seemed bothered so what is the difference? Would you say it is my sons age?

Just asking as I am not so great at reading social situations.

Well the difference will mainly have been the people watching - she just happened to be the sort of person who would comment on it, but not everyone is, whether they think it or not.

And yes I do think age makes a difference, when you see a child that looks too big to be in a children's area it does get people's backs up. 12 is definitely that sort of age.

He's just a kid at 12 I wish people weren't so judgmental.

If he's Year 6 surely he's only 10/11 still? Does he look particularly old for a 12 year old? That might have caused concern in the bystanders as I know some people get a bit unhappy with older kids playing on kids' playgrounds.

Even still, YANBU, no one should be wishing harm on anyone, regardless of age.

I would have told her what she said was really horrible. Why would you say that about a child? He wasn’t being an arse.

You're right OP. You shouldn't come on here complaining if you weren't prepared to daysomething to the woman.
And you should have told him to come down

She was possibly anxious he would fall off, I wouldn’t take it too personally OP

Sounds a bit old for a play area. DD won't go into playgrounds when she sees older boys there as they're usually only there to mess around and she feels intimidated. DS was as tall as myself when he was 12 so definitely way too big for a playground.

I don’t have an issue with kids sitting on top of climbing frames so long as they’re safe. If parents don’t think their children have the ability to do these things safely then that is on them to monitor their children…not to force other children to stop.

Not really to do with this thread but children these days are massive and seem to hit puberty earlier. I'm 5'1 and used to live near a school... couldn't have told me apart from the kids size wise! I can even comfortably fit into 13-14 aged clothing, boobs and all.

It might not be obvious that he's only 12.... of course, you could argue that a developmentally ahead say, 10 year old should still be allowed on there but I think people are more concerned about size and presence rather than actual age.

Yes he's 11 but will turn 12 this year (I said 12 as he's big for his age so people would think he is 12) so going into year 7. He's still young and enjoys the park, family days out etc.

I posted on here really to get others opinions because I didn't feel there was anything wrong with it but she obv did and I wondered if I was being too relaxed about it. I for some reason always worry what people think of me and hate to think someone would think I was a crap parent tbh (think it's stems from being a youngish mum and always having to prove myself) so that's why I posted. I would never of gone upto her and confronted her that's not the sort of person I am but it had bothered me and I had thought about it longer than I should have hence me posting to see if i should of got him down or not.

You should not have allowed him on it. The woman should not have said such a vile thing.
Forget it and move on.

He isn’t wrong.

Its important that he is allowed to develop his own judgement on risk.

You are right to be upset that someone wanted to disable your child by preventing him from developing his own judgement about his own abilities.

I don't understand the comments about his age and being a teenager. He is 12, still a child. A public park is there for all members of the public, including the 12 year olds!

12 year old playing on the children's park and climbing on top, he shouldn't be on there should he. 10 is usually the maximum age for those kids parks, he's high school age. She was disapproving of him being too big clearly. It bugs me when kids too big try to play on the kids park, they act stupid climbing up the wrong way etc, then you have to stop your little ones copying.

You should have told him to get down he's too big.

She probably didn't actually want him to fall but didn't have the confidence to say "I hope his parent recognises that he shouldn't be up there and asks him to get down" 🤷‍♀️ so she went for passive aggressive. Once upon a time I would have spoken kindly and explained to the young person why it was bothering me (you might get hurt, you might encourage others to follow you up and they might get hurt, using the play things inappropriately is what leads to places making them simpler and simpler or shutting them entirely, you are worrying the other children and they aren't comfortable to play, I'm worried when you get down you might hurt my child who simply won't understand to look up at the roof to see if you are climbing down before running underneath) but tbh usually the children who are doing that aren't going to respond positively to it and the parents allowing it aren't going to either so really what's the point. She was likely just airing her own frustration knowing you weren't going to challenge your child but at least she said her piece and hopefully got you to reflect on it...which you did so it kind of worked really ❤️

I'm pretty sure she didn't hope your kid would fall off. It's a bit like saying something along the lines of 'l hope she chokes on it". Its just a careless remark made to her friend because she was irritated.
She was irritated because whilst he might be perfectly safe climbing on the 'roof', she probably now has to tell her much younger child that it's dangerous and they're not allowed.
I have a 'rule' at junctions where there are multiple pelican crossings. Locally I know the pattern and can gauge when to shoot out and cross safety even when the lights are red as long as I'm quick. I don't do that though if there are children about. I wait patiently for the green man. I don't want a child to copy me. Thats why she was annoyed.

I am a bit biased as I’m currently dealing with my own AIBU post where someone was mean to my child, but:

1. They didn’t mean it literally, they were just trying to act cool and be funny in front of each other
2. People are generally quite intolerant of kids, they expect them to be quiet and barely noticeable and not really express much of a normal child behavior (which climbing a frame used for climbing certainly would be, it’s not like he was mean to anyone or pushing other kids off it). It’s sort of expected (to be intolerant) in public places (restaurants, trains..) even though I would argue they could just go to adult-only places or quiet carriage or whatever…it’s certainly weird to complain about kids being kids at a playground, but oh well, what can you do. Don’t take it personally.

Majority seem to be posters on mumsnet too, it's depressing

I've spent a number of years working with Yr6s ... they will almost certainly be straddled across the top of a children's' playground structure, 'ironically.'

It's like they want to feel superior for the first time in their lives.
I totally get it. It matches their behaviour in school with KS1 /early KS2 children.
A hierarchical thing.

It's still intimidating to little children.

I’m sorry OP you heard it and she said something so mean.

Seriously he is 12 - ie a child why should he not climb on the frame.

And I’m confused it is a climbing frame - why are people angry he climbed to the top!! Surely that’s the purpose - climb on it as high as you want or can. I’ve never heard people say a kid shouldn’t climb as high as they are comfortable yo climb - the whole frame is designed to be used.

There is no bad example to younger kids - they too can climb to their limits - if it’s too high at the top makes me think it’s perfect for the 12 year old.

Lets not be mean we are talking about a child here - being criticized for climbing to the top of a piece of play equipment harming no one at all.
OP the lady was super mean (and stupid the equipment is there to play on not with a do not climb beyond this level) Let your child be a child and have fun with his siblings in park.

I’m sorry the women said that about your son, there was no need for her to be so unpleasant.
Your son sounds really lovely, kind and caring. You should be proud of him and yourself for bringing him up so well.
Be kind to yourself. Sending hugs

You don't think 10 year olds can play in the park???

I don't understand the comments about his age and being a teenager. He is 12, still a child. A public park is there for all members of the public, including the 12 year olds
I think it's because the OP said herself he was probably too big.

When I think about my local parks there are:
Some that are regularly used by older children and the equipment is designed for older children.
Some where I'd say the equipment is primarily aimed at upper KS1-LKS2.
Some where the equipment is really aimed at under 7s.

A large 11/12 year old sitting on top of the climbing frame roof in the first park is only going to get comments from people who want to moan at children.
A large 11/12 year old sitting on the roof of the latter 2 play areas is probably going to have a few parents thinking it's not really on, especially if the other children playing are younger.

If I was supervising a 11/12 year old in a park that I knew was aimed at children younger than them, I'd tell them to get off the roof.