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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Woman at park wished my son to fall off climbing frame...

150 replies

justanothermanicm0nday · 13/08/2023 20:05

At a popular theme park this week with my 12 year old son who albeit is prob too old but is appeasing his younger sister and friends.

They were playing in the play area between rides. We were sat watching actually inside the park, I was probably 4m from the actual frame. My son has climbed on top of the climbing frame and has just sat on top and is talking to his sister below. He was not doing anything silly albeit he prob shouldn't of been on top of the climbing frame roof bit but wasn't overly high or dangerous to him and he was quite capable.

There was a group of women sat next to us. One of the women was getting very agitated about my son being on top, I only caught mid convo but overheard her saying at first "I hope he falls off" which is what caught my attention. She then continued to say how stupid it was and she hoped he fell off and it taught him a lesson etc not just once but over and over.

I was a bit shocked tbh, I didn't say anything to her directly as didn't want to cause a scene, I'm not that kind of person but it's really been playing on my mind.

Yes the he's being silly bit but the wishing he would fall off, who says that?

I don't know why I'm posting this on here either, just to check aibu? Or hoping she may be on here to explain her side to help me see why she wished my son to fall off and hurt himself.

(If he was to fall of I doubt he'd of actually hurt himself tbh because it actually wasn't too high)

OP posts:
Original poster
justanothermanicm0nday · 13/08/2023 22:34

He wasn't arsing around, hadn't been running round the play park etc, just before that he was helping his sister climbing up to get to a slide. I am a strict parent not one of those parents that just let the child run riot so if he was doing anything I would of pulled him up on it, he knew it was a park for little ones. He had climbed to the top, there were lots of kids on the climbing frame so no one was scared of him and tbh that's a bit judgy not going on equipment just because a teenager is on there most I find are fine and courteous when I take my daughter out. The climbing frame had a roof so kids climbing inside etc wouldn't of even seen him only if you were standing back like we were or saw him climb up. He was literally sitting in the same place didn't move wasn't doing anything just talking to his sister

OP posts:
Iusedtoliveinsanfrancisco · 13/08/2023 22:36

I had a preventative antibiotic after a procedure last Monday but now I’m nauseous and fed up. Can I stop it ? - 3 days to go

Dighi · 13/08/2023 22:38

Testina · 13/08/2023 20:09

Do you actually think she was hoping that would happen?

I say about the idiot boy racer drivers, “hope they crash the damn thing” but I’m actually not wishing them dead!

It’s an odd thing to be commenting on (as climbing frames are for climbing!) and if your AIBU was “for telling her to shut her mouth!” I’d say you were very reasonable!

But you’re way OTT to be posting here actually thinking she wanted him to fall, and even looking for the “why”. You already know: to teach him a lesson.

This, surely!

howmuchmoreofthisisthere · 13/08/2023 22:39

Dontcareforthehaters · 13/08/2023 20:56

What is with the child hating happening at the moment in society. Has it always been there where people have literally zero tolerance around children and toddlers? I definitely think less of people who behave like this.

I don't think it's child hating I think it's specific individuals and I would say the U.K. is way more tolerant of children now then pretty much any other point in the country's history

SummerSun04 · 13/08/2023 22:45

smilesup · 13/08/2023 22:18

My autistic teen has no where else to go and feels safe there as does my non autistic teen. They are both nice kids and it's not the little kids park so I like them being there. They can't go to the pub anymore like I could 😁

Show quote history

It's unfair that older children can't play if they still want to. People are so judgemental and don't understand if they haven't been there. I think people are so used to 12+ year-olds being labeled as 'bad' that they can't possibly just want to climb and play anymore. It's really sad because some kids at that age would still enjoy physical play and activities that close to them the minute they finish primary school, and then adults moan that children and teens are always up to no good.

If a 12-year-old is on a climbing frame chatting with his sisters then it's clear they aren't causing a problem. If the parent of a 4-year-old copying can't be bothered to get off their arse and tell said child that they aren't able to climb like that safely, that's the parents laziness, not the 12-year-old for being bigger and more able. The same way you encourage your 2-year-old to stay in the little part of soft play, or guiding your early teen that they can't XYZ yet. There will always be someone bigger or older doing more.

LateAF · 13/08/2023 22:48

Why are people acting like a 12 year old is an adult? A 12 year old child, particularly one that has to be dragged around with younger siblings, is allowed to use play equipment in any way they are physically capable of using it- so long as they are not being nasty or putting other children in danger.

My 5 year old climbs to the top of play equipment, swings, slides, towers, you name it- climbs from them into the nearby trees- flips down. I’m fine with it so long as they don’t put other kids in danger but I do get the judgey parents telling them to get down. That’s what robust play equipment is for, and different children want to use it in different ways and let their imagination take hold. Sitting on the roof of the play equipment doesn’t affect anyone else whatsoever, so I do think those other parents were being incredibly unkind. YANBU.

Takacupokindnessyet · 13/08/2023 22:48

She shouldn't have said it but also your child should not have been on top of the frame.

LateAF · 13/08/2023 22:50

Takacupokindnessyet · 13/08/2023 22:48

She shouldn't have said it but also your child should not have been on top of the frame.

Why shouldn’t he be on the top of the frame though? How does it affect anyone?

LolaSmiles · 13/08/2023 22:54

He had climbed to the top, there were lots of kids on the climbing frame so no one was scared of him and tbh that's a bit judgy not going on equipment just because a teenager is on there most I find are fine and courteous when I take my daughter out
It's not judgey at all. A 12 year old is bigger than a young child. If a parent doesn't want to take the risk of a secondary aged child falling onto their younger child, or jumping off without checking and accidentally injuring their child that is reasonable.

It would be judgey to decide a teenager is a thug simply for being a teen, but a parent being cautious about an unknown child older than the other children, climbing on the roof of a younger children's play area seems fine to me.

FancyFanny · 13/08/2023 22:59

Ha ha, it's exactly the sort of comment I would make! It means "that child/person is doing something they really shouldn't be and showing off and it would serve them right if they fell". It's not really wishing harm on someone, it's a way of expressing that you believe someone is pushing the boundaries of something and being cocky. Language is a subtle thing- I think we are losing the ability to read it correctly- far too many people seem to take a simple literal meaning from everything these days.

Ponoka7 · 13/08/2023 23:01

Iusedtoliveinsanfrancisco · 13/08/2023 22:36

I had a preventative antibiotic after a procedure last Monday but now I’m nauseous and fed up. Can I stop it ? - 3 days to go

No, you need to finish the course.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 13/08/2023 23:02

Topee · 13/08/2023 20:26

She wouldn’t have meant it literally I’m sure.

This.

People are allowed to let off steam and say things not meant for your ears.

Escapetofrance · 13/08/2023 23:02

It was a horrible thing to say repeatedly. Children don’t have a cut off age at 12 when they don’t want to climb things and have fun. As long as he was safe and careful of others, I see no harm.

Azurehawker · 13/08/2023 23:02

Wow kids playing on the play equipment at a park. How shocking! A 12 year old is very much still a child, they have every right to play at a park. Climbing equipment is meant to be climbed on, there are no rules about what kind of climbing is allowed.

my 13 year old dd is still very young for her age and will sometimes play at the park with her siblings, they have fun, other kids often join in and she is kind and considerate of them. Just because she is over a certain age swing mean she is automatically a troublemaker at the park.

Ponoka7 · 13/08/2023 23:04

LateAF · 13/08/2023 22:50

Why shouldn’t he be on the top of the frame though? How does it affect anyone?

Show quote history

He's bigger and heavier and if he falls on someone he could seriously injure them. I've heard of a few women who have been permanently disabled by men messing around on stairs etc and falling on them. We should teach our children about such things, especially boys.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 13/08/2023 23:05

She's just a silly woman making a daft comment. She has no power to make your son fall so saying anything at all would be pointless.

I don't think your son should have been up there and you acknowledge that. When people (including kids) act outside the norms then other people will have an opinion/view and however stupid it is, it's powerless.

WhateverMate · 13/08/2023 23:07

Oh come on, she didn't put a hex on him, it sounds like she just thought he was being stupid sitting on top.

"I hope he falls off" is just a throwaway comment.

I'm struggling to believe she kept repeating over and over again.

That wouldn't make sense if your son was just sitting there doing nothing.

Bethanbee · 13/08/2023 23:08

12 year olds should be free to play in a children's playpark if they want. They are children. Some of the people on here with very young children complaining of a 12 year old still liking to climb will change their minds in a few years when they have a 12 year old.

heartfullofpineapple · 13/08/2023 23:26

@Bethanbee - no not having that - a 12 year old is TOTALLY different to a 3 to 9 year old and they should have some social skills (well their parents should). I have parented 5 kids who are now n their 20s-40s and not one of them would have behaved like this. Bemoan lack of play facilities for younger teens (say 10 to 15) but behaviour like that detailed by the OP is both intimidating and entitled I

LateAF · 13/08/2023 23:48

Ponoka7 · 13/08/2023 23:04

He's bigger and heavier and if he falls on someone he could seriously injure them. I've heard of a few women who have been permanently disabled by men messing around on stairs etc and falling on them. We should teach our children about such things, especially boys.

Show quote history

He could also fall on them from the top of the slide. My children are safer in the park when they play around older children as older kids tend to have more dexterity and control of their bodies. It’s the 3-8 year olds that tend to jump without looking, run in front of the swings, fall off things.

A child sitting on top of play equipment is a complete non issue. Some people just love to have a moan.

LateAF · 13/08/2023 23:51

WhateverMate · 13/08/2023 23:07

Oh come on, she didn't put a hex on him, it sounds like she just thought he was being stupid sitting on top.

"I hope he falls off" is just a throwaway comment.

I'm struggling to believe she kept repeating over and over again.

That wouldn't make sense if your son was just sitting there doing nothing.

How negative must someone be in general for wishing harm on a child to be a throwaway comment by their standards. By most people’s standards it’s a nasty thing to say let alone think.

neilyoungismyhero · 13/08/2023 23:58

ittakes2 · 13/08/2023 20:16

Terrible of her but I am guessing since you said yourself he should prob not have been up there she is prob concerned he is setting a bad example for her younger child. Ie they thinking it’s ok to climb that high

If it's a climbing frame I can't see the issue though- there must be more to it if the op thought he shouldn't have been up there and where does the roof bit come into it on a climbing frame?

AuntMarch · 14/08/2023 00:05

I assume it's more of a route to a slide than a climbing frame and OPs child has climbed over the outside of it - not a bit actually designed to be on. I wouldn't have an issue with that in an emptier play area, but I would be telling any older DC with me in a busy place to be mindful that it is for younger children who may try to copy them.

Agree with what pps said, just a throw away comment for behaviour they think is a bit reckless.
(You said yyourself OP, he was probably "too old" and "shouldn't have been on top of the climbing frame roof bit".. so why wouldn't anyone else think the same)

Valhalla17 · 14/08/2023 00:10

She's a bitch OP and you should definitely have said something. Awful thing to say about anyone, let alone a child. Some folks here seem to think a 12y year old boy is actually akin to a grown man who is not allowed to play and needs to be taught about the dangers he poses to everyone else around him.

elliejjtiny · 14/08/2023 00:16

Most parks that have age restrictions say that the park is for up to 12 year olds. 12 year olds are fine to play in the park. Where should 12-15ish year olds play if not in the park? Why should they only be allowed to play in trampoline parks/clip and climb at £12-£15 an hour?