How the fucking FUCK do people do it?

[Tonightsthenight91]

Just how?! My DP has been in hospital for the last 2 weeks and my home life feels like it’s falling apart. I can’t believe how much I actually depend on him and how fucking excruciatingly hard it is to do everything on your own. HOW THE FUCK DO LONE PARENTS DO IT????

Silver lining is my appreciation for him has gone off the charts, I knew I always had a good one with him but it used to piss me off when people would say “oh isn’t he brilliant doing xyz chores and doing xyz with the kids” and my thoughts would be “well he’s an adult and a dad, so he should”. But christ.

Since he has been admitted our tv has broke (something he’d probably be able to fix in 10 minutes), hoover has broke (same again), parking sensors on my car have packed in, kids ipad has broke, laptop won’t charge. Genuinely can’t believe the bad luck, but all of those things he’d be able to fix.

Thats not to mention the chores that were “his job” that I can’t stand doing and I’m finding shockingly time consuming on top of everything else. Such as feeding pets, taking bins out, loading and unloading dishwasher, laundry loads, filling the cars up with petrol, vacuuming, making the beds, changing the bedding (worst of all!) and bathroom cleaning. All of those things are sort of “his jobs” and whilst I know they are day to day tasks, they just feel like so much effort in between running my businesses and looking after our kids!

As far as our kids are concerned I have complete and utter freedom if I want to go somewhere child free alls I have to do is let him know, be it the supermarket or a bloody last minute week long holiday with my friends it’s never an issue. And he somehow manages every chore, parents to perfection and has super fun days out, cooks and keeps the house spotless while I’m gone?!

I suppose I’m just venting really because I’m on my knees with worry about him, work stress, 2 considerable renovation projects, taking the financial hit of having to much time off work, plus all of this unfolding in the 6 weeks bloody holidays! Not to drip feed but I do have ADHD I’m wondering if that’s why I’m feeling overwhelmed. But my god I love him I need him and I want him home PRONTO 😂

And breathe.

Troubleshooting is my downfall! total technophobe.

Although I’m actually quite good at DIY (but more on the decorating side which I solely do as he’s useless with that sort of thing) than fixing and fitting. Though I did manage to put 3 shelves up yesterday! 😉

You’ve all elevated my mood anyway, thank you for being so kind and letting me vent!

The same happens to me!! My DH pulls his weight with no problem, when I’m hospitalised (happens a lot) he just keeps it all together, the kids, the house, the chores, makes it look effortless.

Yet when I’m alone for the week, don’t get me wrong I manage, but I’m also pulling my hair out, yet I know he would be able to handle all this no problem, I genuinely don’t know how he does it- he just does, but he makes it seem like it’s not a big deal to him!! Maybe it’s because his calmer than me and more chilled out?? No idea, but he does amaze me!

I'm sorry to hear your lovely DH is in hospital. Is there any way you can afford to get some help in temporarily - a cleaner? Just to keep on top of the house at least? Hope you start to have a better run of luck anyway.

Sorry to hear about your husband op. As a single parent it’s hard but in my case my ex just felt like another kid that needed management. Anything needed fixing it was easier and quicker to sort it myself (if it was the tv he’d have done it sharpish because he wouldn’t want to deal with children whinging). We have disaster days (or weeks as this summer has been at times). Amazon is your friend, as is google for instructions. If things let slip then they do. And sometimes the simple things keep kids distracted - I’ve just blown up several balloons and let the kids run around whilst I wait for Amazon to deliver more play dough, hopefully it will keep them occupied long enough to crack on with the washing and cleaning…

He sounds lovely, @Tonightsthenight91, and I like the way you describe working as a team. I do hope he recovers well and quickly and is back home with you all soon.
Also, massive condolences for the loss of your father.

I hope your partner gets better soon OP. Sorry to hear about your father too. As a widow my number of jobs to do actually decreased a bit as he did absolutely zero and now he is gone I no longer have to tidy up after him! It’s still a lot to do as a lone parent but I do it because I have to really. Sometimes it is overwhelming but I just tell myself how thankful I am he’s not around to make me miserable anymore.

I was in this position in 2021. My dad had just died then Dh went down with the same symptoms as what my dad had falling ill then passing away.

I look back wondering how I got through it as we were in another lockdown. Dh wasn't allowed visitors but I had to deliver clean clothes and toiletries, working in the school for keyworker children, trying to support my children who were still coping as best they could and look after my mum too.

Huge hugs. Wishing your other half a speedy recovery.

I'm a single parent - can't lie it's a heavy burden. DD is 15 now so obviously don't have to worry anymore thankfully about childcare etc.

However, EVERYTHING is my responsibility. I look at my brother and his wife and what a supportive relationship they have and TBH I'm a bit jealous. Any problems are shared, two heads to cope with things etc,

Something breaks - down to me to sort. Problems in the house - I have to sort workmen. Worrying about DD - all down to me. I never come home after a hard days work to find someone else has done the washing or changed the bins or cooked dinner. It's quite wearing.

On the plus side I've surprised myself with the things I can do and got through - makes me realise I'm capable of more than I thought. I never have to consult on stuff - I can make swift decisions that suit me.

It's lonely though. Would love a partner in crime sometimes!

All those things you've mentioned I would be able to or would try to fix myself. I fixed my hand break on my car the other day - go me! My hoover stopped working so I thouhht through all the things it could be - not tricky really.

This isn't 1950 and we have YouTube which shows you how to do most stuff.

I appreciate some people have traditional roles but it exposes you, as you have found a out.

You've got a good one there op. My DH had his own cleaner bin

Sorry OP should have said that I hope your DH gets well soon.

Google the TV issue there will almost certainly be a reset option. Look for any controls on the side/back of the tv. Leave unplugged for a few minutes not in/off.

Router - turn off all routers/boosters and leave for a few minutes, then turn in order waiting for the main router to completely 'load'.

Has he got any brothers? Looking for a decent man for my daughter.

You're just used to working as a team. You can't work in the same way when he is not there and expect the same results.

My DH is away a lot with work or with his cadets, sometimes for months and when he isn't here, I do things very differently indeed. Lots more planning, prioritising and careful management of things. So the house is as tidy and clean as it would be with him here, but it took me a while to learn the skill of it. And I also had to learn a heap of new skills to boot.

Hope he's recovered and home soon.

I’ve done it on my own for 14 years and tbh I look back and just feel proud of myself. Yeah it’s super hard but it’s also the making of you

I’m a lone parent to five, aged four to twenty, I have no family as they have all sadly passed away. My ex has the younger ones one night a fortnight, the older don’t want to know him.
In answer to your question - I’ve learnt how to do practical stuff myself (recently took out the entire kitchen and fitted a new one, on my own.) I garden, I cut wood for the stove, I carry bloody heavy things because I have to…it just needs doing and there is no alternative.
My eldest is strong for a female too, and can help, but I’d rather I get hurt than her so it’s generally me. I also work full time, live so remote you cannot get any takeaways so cook constantly. I’m weak with exhaustion often but hey ho. Nowadays, I have a lovely DP but I won’t ever live with someone again and if it’s anything to do with my house I’ve now too much pride/stubbornness to ask for help. Oh, I’m also the only provider of cuddles and a listening ear so do that an awful lot too.
I hope your partner recovers quickly, you sound a loving couple.

😂 was wondering that too

How many kids do you have?

Hope he’s feeling better soon!

I’m also wondering this! What chores do you do, OP?

I have many female friends like this, who rely on the DH for so many things. It worries me, as if anything happened they’d be buggered. Some of them don’t even deal with the bills or insurance etc.

I think it’s important that you’re able to operate on your own as woman as you never know what might happen. I am self-sufficient and I teach my daughters to be so too.

I’m a single parent and I do everything (and I mean everything). Beds, bins, washing, cooking, cleaning, fixing things that break, DIY, mowing the lawn, trimming hedges, feeding pets, all house and children admin, bills, car maintenance - EVERYTHING. I work 4 days a week. Obviously my DC have chores so they do help out.

If I don’t know how to do something I get myself on YouTube and work it out.

I hope your DH gets well soon, but perhaps you could use this experience to learn some new skills so that you don’t rely on him so much?

Yea YouTube and Google are often great for figuring out fixes for things like your TV issue.

It’s just necessity really. When you don’t have another person around to rely on you get used to figuring stuff out - even if you’re technophobe etc.

It’s nice you appreciate what your husband does and hope he is feeling better.

How do you propose she fixes a stolen item from her car, or an ipad that's literally been driven over? Some things just aren't fixable / need am expert to fix.

He sounds very unique.
My husband has always worked 6 days a week long hours so isn't home much to help out. So I've always done everything myself including fixing my car etc.
I hope he makes a quick recovery. You are very very lucky!

I totally get it, also ADHD and my partner absolutely carries the household! I earn the bulk of the money and he is mostly a SAHD but he does all the cooking, washing, most of the dog walks and general tidying up, all the shit I struggle to deal with on top of work.

I hope your OH is on the mend and home soon 😊

He sounds great, but you also have a lot going on emotionally and practically. The renovation, partner in hospital, recent loss of your dad... give yourself a break.

Maybe concentrate on getting the real basics done - feeding everyone, bins, dishwasher, visiting your husband - and let go of putting shelves up for a month or so.

Your Oh sounds amazing. I've been on my own now with my two DCs ( now age 14 and 12) for 5 years. My ex H was nothing like yours, and my life is easier without him.