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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can a 19 year old and 32 year old be friends?

102 replies

Isisavisloren · 12/08/2023 20:36

It's somebody I've met through church. I get on well with her and she seems mature for her age, she wants to grab a coffee one day.
I don't know, I think at our current life stages the gap is too high. If she were 30 and me 43 there would be zero issue.
I just think it seems creepy. Maybe I'm overthinking it. What do others think?

OP posts:
L3ThirtySeven · 12/08/2023 20:40

Friends can be any age.

Whereorwheredidmypatchgo · 12/08/2023 20:40

Hi, I have a 19yr dd and have to admit I would think it strange even through a church group. 5 year gap, maybe but 13 year is a lot and I cannot imagine any 32yr old being at the same stage of thinking as my 19yr old who is quite mature as well. Sorry, probably not the answer you want.

Original poster
Isisavisloren · 12/08/2023 20:42

That's ok, I do understand!
It would be ok if she were early 20s but it does feel strange. I will have to politely decline.

OP posts:
10HailMarys · 12/08/2023 20:42

How many more threads are we going to have about friendships between people of different ages? This is about the fourth one in two days.

Anyway - no, it’s not creepy. She’s a grown woman. But if you don’t want to have a coffee with her, don’t have a coffee with her; it’s not compulsory.

If this is only about being ‘friends’ then why is it a problem that you’re at ‘different life stages’? Why can’t you be friends with someone who isn’t at the same life stage as you?

If what you actually mean is “Would it be weird if I fucked her?” just say that.

overprepper · 12/08/2023 20:42

Got to be people just playing games now? Surely. There are so many of this threads

vodkaredbullgirl · 12/08/2023 20:43

Another age thread 🙄

Original poster
Isisavisloren · 12/08/2023 20:43

Oh goodness no!!
I'm definitely not interested in women.
Just even on a friendship basis it feels strange hanging out with essentially a teen.
I don't know, it's only of those things everyone will have differing opinions on.
I haven't seen the other threads! My bad

OP posts:
Newusernameaug · 12/08/2023 20:44

I’d tread very carefully here….. my son is 19 and over the years lots of his friends male and female have wanted to be friends with me….. but I’ll always take a step back and whilst I’m happy to listen to them, be a support or guidance I certainly wouldn’t allow them the closeness of being a friend as I’d feel it’s wrong - even though they’re not aware of that.

benfoldsfivefan · 12/08/2023 20:44

If it feels right it feels right, don’t overthink this - life’s too short.

Danielle9891 · 12/08/2023 20:45

Yes definitely.
I moved to a small village in another part of the UK and was really grateful that some older woman (40/50) I'm 30, invited me out for a few drinks. I was so lonely and all the other woman my age seemed to be clicky and have known each other since they were born.
It was so nice to be out of the house.

L3ThirtySeven · 12/08/2023 20:46

Yeah friends don’t need to be at same life stage or stage of thinking to be friends. One of my best friends was 50 when I was 23 when we met…she’s passed on now but we had a lovely friendship and it was as two grown adults.

Original poster
Isisavisloren · 12/08/2023 20:46

I don't see an issue with gaps once you're over say early 20s. My partner has friends in their 60s.

OP posts:
Original poster
Isisavisloren · 12/08/2023 20:47
I Love You 14Th February GIF by Anke Weckmann

I'm sorry for your loss xx
Maybe I've been overthinking it, I can just imagine some people thinking it's really weird.

OP posts:
Original poster
Isisavisloren · 12/08/2023 20:47

I did not mean to post this gif!!

OP posts:
L3ThirtySeven · 12/08/2023 20:47

We need more inter-generational friendships, not less imho.

PinkBuffalo · 12/08/2023 20:47

I am late 30s and friends with peoples of pretty much all ages. Why is it weird?

missmollygreen · 12/08/2023 20:48

You are really overthinking this!
Go for the coffee, you will soon know if the age gap makes conversation difficult.

I work with people of all ages (as im sure most people do) and it shows me that age is really just a number

L3ThirtySeven · 12/08/2023 20:48

Sorry but a 32yr old is as much a youngster as a 19yr old when you get to my age! lol!

Polik · 12/08/2023 20:48

Another thread on the age difference between friends? What's with this trend?

My 18 (nearly 19) DD plays for an adult ladies football team. They all socialise together. Through that, she has friends all through their 20s, possibly into 30s.

They arr just friends, team players, drinking buddies etc.

prawncrackers30plus · 12/08/2023 20:54

This reply has been deleted

This user is a troll so we have deleted their posts and threads.

Backtothe90splease · 12/08/2023 20:55

I haven't seen any of the other threads but I can't understand why this would be an issue particularly? Friends can be any age. You click with someone or you don't.

flosset · 12/08/2023 20:55

I'm 34 female and one of my best friends is a 65 year old man and another a 69 year old female I met through work. I have other friends my own age and younger friends. I love it. Love the wisdom and good advice from my oldest friends and I treasure them so much they are like grandparents and friends rolled into one. It's good to bounce of different people. Variety is the spice of life

If you get along with someone go for it

Original poster
Isisavisloren · 12/08/2023 20:55

I just know that if I were a 32 year old male looking to date a 19 year old girl I would be called all sorts of names. So that's why I was iffy about it. But maybe it's not so big a deal after all.

OP posts:
BounceyB · 12/08/2023 20:58

It's never just friendship between a man and woman.

Moneynewpence · 12/08/2023 20:59

BounceyB · 12/08/2023 20:58

It's never just friendship between a man and woman.

For you, maybe.