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Original poster

Can a 19 year old and 32 year old be friends?

102 replies

Isisavisloren · 12/08/2023 20:36

It's somebody I've met through church. I get on well with her and she seems mature for her age, she wants to grab a coffee one day.
I don't know, I think at our current life stages the gap is too high. If she were 30 and me 43 there would be zero issue.
I just think it seems creepy. Maybe I'm overthinking it. What do others think?

OP posts:
blackheartsgirl · 12/08/2023 23:31

At 27 one of my closest friends had just turned 18.

we were at different life stages but we were linked as she was second cousins to my eldest dc but she was one of the most intelligent and interesting people I’ve ever known.

we did end up being pregnant at the same time and 16 years later we have drifted but i still miss her.

my other closest friend is 12 years younger than me, we’ve been friends for over 10 years, shes more with it and mature than me 😂

op unless you want to shag her then what’s the problem 🤷‍♀️

aSofaNearYou · 13/08/2023 08:37

Isisavisloren · 12/08/2023 20:55

I just know that if I were a 32 year old male looking to date a 19 year old girl I would be called all sorts of names. So that's why I was iffy about it. But maybe it's not so big a deal after all.

I don't think there's any issue with friendships the way there is with sexual/romantic relationships, unless said friend happens to be unusually controlling for a friendship.

FrenchandSaunders · 13/08/2023 08:40

I’m mid 50s and had lunch with my 80 year old friend last week. Met about 30 years ago at work.

Pandaflop · 13/08/2023 08:43

Hmmm I don't know, when i was that age I got on well with others of all ages at work, sports and wherever else, can't say I'd have wanted to go for a coffee with them though. Everyone is different, there's nothing inherently 'creepy' about it but if you feel uncomfortable with it or wonder what you'll talk about as you are at different life stages then just say no.

Longtalljosie · 13/08/2023 08:43

One of my favourite people is a friend who is 20 years older than me. We met when I was 21 and she was 41. We were colleagues at first. She has been a mentor, friend, all-round good thing in my life. Plenty of people know we’re close and mercifully no one has (as far as I know) thought it remotely weird. I am now far older than she was when we met, and we’re friends still.

jellybe · 13/08/2023 09:43

I have friends who were 19 when we met and I was 36. We met at uni on the same course. Though I was at a very different stage in life with kids etc. we still became great friends as we had a common shared interest of the course we were studying and then that developed into true friendships across everything going on in our lives.

If you get on as friends this age gap shouldn't matter she isn't a child.

Anotherchristianmama · 13/08/2023 09:47

It's really socialy and emotionaly healthy for younger women to spend time with older women.

NotAMug · 13/08/2023 09:55

Isisavisloren · 12/08/2023 20:55

I just know that if I were a 32 year old male looking to date a 19 year old girl I would be called all sorts of names. So that's why I was iffy about it. But maybe it's not so big a deal after all.

My son plays in a sports team and has loads of friends much older than him, he is 17 and some of his closest mates from the team are in their 40s. It's a complete non issue IMO.

Sweetlily99 · 13/08/2023 09:57

A mentor can be any age maybe approach it like that?

NotAMug · 13/08/2023 09:58

Isisavisloren · 12/08/2023 20:42

That's ok, I do understand!
It would be ok if she were early 20s but it does feel strange. I will have to politely decline.

There is really no reason to decline, she is an adult, why is it creepy?

People honestly baby young adults on MN. Once people are working and at hobbies outside of school/college then they will meet people of all ages. This is totally normal and not creepy in any way. I started FT work at 18, I became close with my colleagues, they ranged from 28 to 55, I went for lunch/coffee with them individually and socialised outside of work. Should I have just not made friends as I was younger?

NotAMug · 13/08/2023 09:59

Sweetlily99 · 13/08/2023 09:57

A mentor can be any age maybe approach it like that?

Why a mentor? Why not a friend?

FilthyBeast · 13/08/2023 10:03

Are you both straight women?

I think 19 is too much of a kid, I think 32 has more in common with someone 25 and over.

This whole 'mature for her age' is either a fake act or she was forced to grow up quickly due to trauma or family problems, it's not healthy or a positive to seem older than your age. It's not a compliment. Well adjusted emotionally healthy people live at their own life stage presently and fully.

JudgeAnderson · 13/08/2023 10:12

I think 19 is too much of a kid, I think 32 has more in common with someone 25 and over.

Too much of a kid for what - drinking a coffee with someone over 21? What dreadful thing might befall them?

PrincessHoneysuckle · 13/08/2023 10:22

I'm 43 and have 27 yr old friends right up to 60 odd.
If you're friends it doesn't matter.

FilthyBeast · 13/08/2023 10:43

JudgeAnderson · 13/08/2023 10:12

I think 19 is too much of a kid, I think 32 has more in common with someone 25 and over.

Too much of a kid for what - drinking a coffee with someone over 21? What dreadful thing might befall them?

But it's not drinking coffee in silence is it? Can you really not understand? Are you around 19?
I'm 35 and I see under 25s as kids. 19 year olds perspective on life is closer to someone doing their GCSE's than an over 30 who with an over a decade life experience over them. No amount of 'coming across as mature' would make up for that lack of lived life experience of 13 years! What would I have to talk to them for an hour or more about? We can have a nice superficial chat but to me they are kids, barely into adulthood and still a teenager.

JudgeAnderson · 13/08/2023 10:46

@FilthyBeast don't project your own inability to relate beyond a very narrow sphere onto the rest of the world.

lickofpaint · 13/08/2023 10:48

I have a friend who has just turned 60 and I've just turned 30. I love her dearly!

She has children older than me. We are soul mates in a friend version if this is a thing!

ApolloandDaphne · 13/08/2023 10:49

When my DD started uni at age 18 she became friendly with a 30 yo mature male student. She is now age 30 and the two are still very very close. She is going to his wedding next year. He is gay so there was never anything remotely sexual in their relationship. They just had a lot in common and enjoyed each others company. Age doesn't matter when it comes to friendship.

fullbloom87 · 13/08/2023 10:50

It depends. Does this girl have a close relationship with her mother?
She might feel like she needs an older friend for the advice, support etc.
I'm 36 with an adult daughter and we go for coffee and laugh and chat for hours.
I think 2 females of different ages can be friends. I just think that the friendship will be slightly different then with someone older. Having said that she may have gone through more in life then you have, and essentially have more life experiences.
When I was 19 I had a toddler, and had been through an awful lot in my life, to the point I knew women who were 10 years older who I couldn't relate to as they'd had easy lives and no life experience.

Tessisme · 13/08/2023 10:57

When I was 19 and into my twenties, I always clicked with older people much more easily than with my peers. I think age gap romantic relationships are a different thing altogether and some people are comfortable with them, while others would avoid. But friendships can and do work between people of all ages. I had my children late in life. I'm 56 and my youngest DS is 11. I am most definitely the most ancient parent when I pick him up from school, but I get along really well with the younger mums and have become very friendly with one, who is about 15 years younger than me. If you have things in common, it really doesn't matter.

tineymouseinswimmingpool · 13/08/2023 11:00

This happens naturally as soon as you enter the world of work. My first job out of uni was in the local authority around age 21 and I made best friends with this guy of around 45, we hung out, we even went on holiday together and I would stay at his house.
I stayed with him when I needed a place to stay at one time.

I don't think church is different as in it puts all ages together and you have a common interest.

Nothing wrong with being friends, being friends is brilliant. Age doesn't matter in friendships, unless we're talking about a child.

Crimblecrumblerules · 13/08/2023 11:08

I'm 57. When I started working at an office when I was 20 I made friends with a couple of ladies there, one around 13 years older and the other around 15 years older. Both already had families of their own, I didnt. Still friends 37 years later even though we haven't worked together for a good 15 to 20 years.

Wouldyouguess · 13/08/2023 11:49

I am in my late 30's.
I do a hobby where most people are much younger (not all, but many). I do feel very self conscious about my age when I meet people in real life.
I want to discuss the hobby and I am not interested in anything else, it's a shame age seems to be such a limiting factor. If I was 50 meeting a 45 yo would not be an issue.

SirVixofVixHall · 13/08/2023 12:03

I have had friends of all ages, I don’t think there is an issue at all. My daughter is at university and has fellow student friends with the same age gap.

Mummyboy1 · 13/08/2023 12:05

Well I'm friends with my neighbour who is 22 and I'm 35. It seems to work well. I've also got another friend who is 24. We just "clicked" . I also really like my sons babysitter and she's also only 22 😂