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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can a 19 year old and 32 year old be friends?

102 replies

Isisavisloren · 12/08/2023 20:36

It's somebody I've met through church. I get on well with her and she seems mature for her age, she wants to grab a coffee one day.
I don't know, I think at our current life stages the gap is too high. If she were 30 and me 43 there would be zero issue.
I just think it seems creepy. Maybe I'm overthinking it. What do others think?

OP posts:
illiad · 12/08/2023 21:51

One of my closest male friends is 15 years older than me, we met and started hanging out when I was 19. I'm now mid 30s and have friends ranging from approx. age 22 to 62...

Thedogscollar · 12/08/2023 21:52

BounceyB · 12/08/2023 20:58

It's never just friendship between a man and woman.

That is the most ridiculous opinion I've heard in a long time and it says more about you than you might want us to know.

Ducklake · 12/08/2023 21:54

Omg this thread.

SocialLite · 12/08/2023 21:55

I've always had much older and much younger friends. Especially through church, it really doesn't seem to matter as much.

SemperIdem · 12/08/2023 21:55

I think it is fine. But I have worked in fields with very diverse age ranges and the persons age largely becomes irrelevant quite rapidly.

Having friends across a wide age demographic keeps your mind open to completely different perspectives in a way just reading about them doesn’t, too.

They won’t necessarily be your closest confidant due to differing life experiences but they are valuable friendships nevertheless.

StEtienne93 · 12/08/2023 22:15

I became friends with a 40 year old, who i worked with, when I was 20. We sat next to each other and just hit it off. We've been friends for 18 years now. Age is just a number.

XenoBitch · 12/08/2023 22:19

Most of my friends are older than me. One of my closest friends is older than my mum. I have a good male friend in his 70s. If you get on, then age does not matter.

Rockschooldropout · 12/08/2023 22:24

When I was 19 and a young mum my best friend was my 74 year old next door neighbour, she was a lovely sweet lady .

FarmGirl78 · 12/08/2023 22:29

What's tomorrow's question? "Is it ok for a 17 year old to be friends with a 43 year old?". The age gaps are getting bigger. By the end of next week it's going to be Toddlers being friends with Pensioners.

RatOnArt · 12/08/2023 22:31

My niece is 20 and I’m 50. We see each other a fair bit and even go drinking. She’s of an age where she could be my daughter. I also have friends in their late 20s early 30s.
Diversity seems all good until it is age

Oblomov23 · 12/08/2023 22:36

I wouldn't be comfortable with this. Ds1 is this age and it wouldn't sit well with me. Particularly young woman and older man doesn't feel quite right. Age gaps in later life is different. But when young, it's massive.

Mamai90 · 12/08/2023 22:45

It's fine, I've been friends with people of all ages. When I was 18 I met a dear friend who was 39, we were good friends right up to his death last year when he was 60.

At 19 I lived with my 27 year old friend. And when I was 25 I lived with my 18 year old colleague. In all honestly throughout all those friendships I never noticed a huge difference in maturity levels. You are both grown adults I don't see why you wouldn't go for coffee.

Mamai90 · 12/08/2023 22:48

BounceyB · 12/08/2023 20:58

It's never just friendship between a man and woman.

Bollocks.

My best friend is Male and there's never been anything more than friendship between us since childhood. I'm great friends with his wife and he's the same with my husband. We've been friends for over 35 years and he's like a brother to me.

afterdropshock · 12/08/2023 22:51

Not weird. I am in my early 40s. Lost one of my best friends recently she was late 70s. Closest friend now is 24.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 12/08/2023 22:57

I think there are different levels of friendship and different people come and go in your life at different times. I have and have had many friends of all ages and both male and female over the years, but very few of them have gone on to be life lasting or really deep and meaningful. You enjoy it whilst it lasts, a chat over a coffee is a pleasant way to spend an hour or two. A visit to the theatre with a work colleague who might want to see the same show is a pleasant way to spend an evening. Age is totally irrelevant in these cases.

PurpleFlower1983 · 12/08/2023 23:00

I met one of my best friends when I was 18 and she was 31, that was over 20 years ago and the friendship is still going strong.

colouringindoors · 12/08/2023 23:01

Same sex? Totally fine! I met a woman at an art class, 12 years ish older than me but we get on great. Age can be just a number. Friendships are precious.

midlifecrash · 12/08/2023 23:03

I don’t know how many possible permutations of this age gap friend question there cannot be but it must run into billions at least -?are we going to have them all?

JudgeAnderson · 12/08/2023 23:08

OP you're being silly. That is all.

catin8oots · 12/08/2023 23:10

I'm 43 and my two best friends are 26 and 24. My oldest son is 24. We met at work and we are a bonded little group. They make me feel young and I think I make them feel grown up 😁

TheFormidableMrsC · 12/08/2023 23:10

Most of my friends are younger than me and my two closest friends are 10 and 14 years younger. I'm almost 54 for reference. I'm a young at heart type though 🤷🏻‍♀️

Choccyoclocky · 12/08/2023 23:12

I am 30 but there was a 19yo on my college course and I could easily be friends with her outside of college. Our lives are so so so different but we still had plenty to talk about on our breaks.

JudgeAnderson · 12/08/2023 23:13

When I was 18 and moved for uni a few friends of my parents and older siblings, who lived in the city I moved to, became my friends as well. It was nice, a bit of guidance and security for a young woman living away from home for the first time.
These friendships are now 30 years old. I'm glad people didn't make everything creepy then.

AliMonkey · 12/08/2023 23:14

One thing I love about my church is that it means I socialise with people of all ages and many different backgrounds. And I socialise with work colleagues aged from early 20s to late 60s. So no I think that’s perfectly reasonable and not at all inappropriate.

IWantOutDoI · 12/08/2023 23:20

Are they both women? I had a few friends with that kind of difference in age when I was 19, they were friends and guides, they “mothered” me andI would say that they pretty much gave me the support, understanding, advice and guidance I was not getting (and had never gotten) from my very judgemental and abusive mother.