Page 5 | Taking your Dd to public toilets

Thatsongoverandover · 2023-08-12T11:53:04+00:00

How do you do it as a family? Dd is 5 and when with me, we go into the same cubicle together and both go to the loo if needed or just her. I never let her walk there on her own, even if I can see the toilets and so on. What do/should dads do? It’s generally always me taking Dd for the last few years.

EmmatheStageRat · 12/08/2023 20:13

Ducklake · 12/08/2023 20:06

If you are of the opinion that disabled people don't matter, which you must me to use said toilet, then you are almost certainly a bad person.

No you’ve set up a false equivalence there.

Nah! Try having a severely disabled child and then you will quickly work out who are the decent people and those who aren’t.

Amispringy · 12/08/2023 20:13

amylou8 · 12/08/2023 13:29

I'd took my boys into the female toilets until they were 8, although I appreciate it's easier as it's all cubicles. In your position I'd use the accessible toilet (you can buy radar keys on amazon) if there is one. Otherwise it's the mens unless she feels comfortable going in the women's on her own.

That's the trouble when they are freely available on the internet

Misuse and abuse

Kowaii · 12/08/2023 20:15

TellerTuesday · 12/08/2023 20:00

Where are these toilets that people are reporting 'a man waiting inside'? Somewhere deserted? I honestly can't imagine that happening in busy area such as a shopping centre, cinema etc with other women using them.

https://www.plymouthherald.co.uk/news/plymouth-news/girl-8-victim-sex-attack-2368715.amp

Girl, 8, was victim of sex attack in Plymouth restaurant toilets

The shocking incident happened at SizzAll on Thursday lunchtime

https://www.plymouthherald.co.uk/news/plymouth-news/girl-8-victim-sex-attack-2368715.amp

Clefable · 12/08/2023 20:18

I'm surprised that people are so against their husband taking their child into the gents with them. I've never really thought about with DD I have to admit! Her dad is with her so it's v unlikely anything untoward is going to happen, they go into a cubicle, so all she might see is the back of someone standing up to pee, which I don't think would interest her or strike her as odd in any way. Women's toilets can be smelly and filthy and gross too.

Amispringy · 12/08/2023 20:19

bingojuice · 12/08/2023 19:04

@ilovesooty well he's not taking them into the men's and he can't go into the ladies so yeah he'll use the disabled loos.

Why?

ilovesooty · 12/08/2023 20:23

coreas · 12/08/2023 19:58

@Ducklake

Yes and I hate to think of that nightmare happening to a disabled person. Or anyone actually. But there are all sorts of reasons why people might need them and I’m just saying it’s not illegal, it doesn’t make them a bad person and they are often empty a lot of the time.

I actually think using the disabled toilets when you are not disabled but have small children absolutely does make you a bad person.

If you are of the opinion that disabled people don't matter, which you must me to use said toilet, then you are almost certainly a bad person.

(Generic, not specific 'you')

Agreed.

CasperGutman · 12/08/2023 20:38

TregunaMekoides · 12/08/2023 13:44

DH took the girls into the cubicle in the gents if needed. It was never first choice if I was there as the cubicles in the gents are usually grim. But I'm sure they will have seen men standing up weeing at some point. They seem to have both survived the ordeal 🤔

Having had jobs which included cleaning toilets, I can assure you that the cubicles in the gents are no worse than those in the ladies.

Starseeking · 12/08/2023 22:14

My autistic 5 year old is wears nappies as they have no awareness of their bodily functions. A lot of places the baby change is still combined with disabled, so I have to take both my DC in there with me (the older one is 6).

9 times out of 10 I have to lay DC on the floor as they are too big for the baby pull down tray. The disabled is good for the space as there would never be enough to do this in the ladies or men's.

To anyone looking at DC, they would think there was no need for them to use the disabled toilets because DC doesn't "look" as if they need to. It's only if a person tries to interact with DC that they would realise they are neurodiverse.

Blossomtoes · 12/08/2023 22:24

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 12/08/2023 19:23

I have a disability and if I have to wait for the disabled toilet I will shit myself in public. This is not hyperbole, it has happened.

What happens if another disabled person beats you to it?

Takacupokindnessyet · 12/08/2023 22:31

With my eldest they would go with my husband to the men's although as they got older they would prefer to go with me if possible and then on their own. My youngest would mostly be taken to the disabled with whichever of us but that is because she does have a disability and benefits from the availability of bars for support.

EmmatheStageRat · 12/08/2023 22:35

Starseeking · 12/08/2023 22:14

My autistic 5 year old is wears nappies as they have no awareness of their bodily functions. A lot of places the baby change is still combined with disabled, so I have to take both my DC in there with me (the older one is 6).

9 times out of 10 I have to lay DC on the floor as they are too big for the baby pull down tray. The disabled is good for the space as there would never be enough to do this in the ladies or men's.

To anyone looking at DC, they would think there was no need for them to use the disabled toilets because DC doesn't "look" as if they need to. It's only if a person tries to interact with DC that they would realise they are neurodiverse.

You know that your child is disabled and that they have a genuine need of the accessible facilities. My teen DD is blind (and has autism and ADHD, among other disabilities). You would not necessarily know that my DD is severely disabled as she doesn’t always use her long cane; it depends on the busy-ness of her surroundings. She knows she is disabled and she has various pieces of local and government documentation to confirm so so I/she is comfortable for her to use the disabled/accessible facilities when they are available.

kitsuneghost · 12/08/2023 22:47

The thing with 'just quickly use the disabled' is that a parent taking their kid to the toilet is never quick.

They take much longer than a fit adult.
So maybe its OK for fit adults to use them cause they will just be 30sec.

No child young enough to be taken to the gents would be disturbed by men peeing. If their dad is with them then they are not going to get raped by the phantom busy toilet bogeyman. Get a grip peoples.

Starseeking · 12/08/2023 22:48

@EmmatheStageRat my point was that there are many people who would think I was some entitled person too grand to use the women's or men's, and people should be mindful of "not immediately obvious disabilities".

Although no-one's said anything before, I expect at some point someone will come up to us following us leaving the disabled toilets, and I'm certainly not about to start carrying around proof of DC's status (Autism diagnosis?!? EHCP?!? DLA?!?) to some random unhappy about our use of the disabled toilets because they can't physically see a wheelchair.

EmmatheStageRat · 12/08/2023 22:59

kitsuneghost · 12/08/2023 22:47

The thing with 'just quickly use the disabled' is that a parent taking their kid to the toilet is never quick.

They take much longer than a fit adult.
So maybe its OK for fit adults to use them cause they will just be 30sec.

No child young enough to be taken to the gents would be disturbed by men peeing. If their dad is with them then they are not going to get raped by the phantom busy toilet bogeyman. Get a grip peoples.

@kitsuneghost no, it’s never okay for non-disabled adults to use the disabled toilets on the premise that they think they will be quick. We meet you and your ilk daily when we are trying to park in Blue Badge spaces and are told repeatedly that you/they will only be a minute or two. I would gladly swap a lifetime of being the parent of a severely disabled child with a only-be-a-minute merchant who would seem to envy my child’s ‘free pass’ to park in a more convenient location or have a wee a bit quicker. Please, have more humanity.

Takacupokindnessyet · 12/08/2023 23:02

Starseeking · 12/08/2023 22:48

@EmmatheStageRat my point was that there are many people who would think I was some entitled person too grand to use the women's or men's, and people should be mindful of "not immediately obvious disabilities".

Although no-one's said anything before, I expect at some point someone will come up to us following us leaving the disabled toilets, and I'm certainly not about to start carrying around proof of DC's status (Autism diagnosis?!? EHCP?!? DLA?!?) to some random unhappy about our use of the disabled toilets because they can't physically see a wheelchair.

I sympathize. I always feel apprehensive when using the disabled toilet or parking space with my daughter unless I take her wheelchair too.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/08/2023 23:18

Don’t send her into the disabled as they are in short supply for those who need them as it is.

Your DH should take her into the men’s and usher her into a cubicle.

carpool · 12/08/2023 23:22

DGD is nearly 6. If we are out and about and need loos I take her into the ladies but she no longer wants me to go into the cubicle with her so I just wait outside the door/ by the sinks (or if I am going too I go in the next cubicle and talk to her through the wall). Her little brother is only 3 so obviously still comes into the cubicle in the ladies with me currently. I think it is harder with boys though when they get older and you have to let them go in the gents alone.

RosieRainbow1986 · 12/08/2023 23:34

I know this is slightly different but the majority of baby change facilities are now in the disabled toilet. So I'm not sure whether these toilets are becoming more of an 'accessible' toilet as a few pp's have mentioned, rather than being specifically designated for those with a disability?

Just having a discussion with my husband about this and it is a tricky one (I know lots will say it's not!) but for those of us who really do worry about the 'what ifs' and our children's safety...then if the disabled/accessible toilet is free, then we might use it (our child is a baby so haven't had to make this decision yet) But that doesn't mean we don't have any regard for those who may need it more than we will.

Maybe the answer is a bigger range of toilets where possible! Disabled, family, baby etc. As I also know of a few places where the disabled toilet is also the only men's toilet!

coreas · 12/08/2023 23:38

I know this is slightly different but the majority of baby change facilities are now in the disabled toilet.

Which is even more of a reason people with small non nappy wearing non disabled children should stay out of them.

But yes we do need better facilities. Disabled people campaigned and fought for the toilets provided, perhaps fathers of small girls could do the same?

ExtraOnions · 12/08/2023 23:53

Find a gender neutral one… where it’s a proper enclosed cubicles, with toilet & sink. If you go somewhere with 1 toilet (like a Costa) that should do the trick

kitsuneghost · 13/08/2023 00:00

EmmatheStageRat · 12/08/2023 22:59

@kitsuneghost no, it’s never okay for non-disabled adults to use the disabled toilets on the premise that they think they will be quick. We meet you and your ilk daily when we are trying to park in Blue Badge spaces and are told repeatedly that you/they will only be a minute or two. I would gladly swap a lifetime of being the parent of a severely disabled child with a only-be-a-minute merchant who would seem to envy my child’s ‘free pass’ to park in a more convenient location or have a wee a bit quicker. Please, have more humanity.

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Think you missed the irony a bit there.

bythere · 13/08/2023 00:32

A small child goes into the restroom of the adult's sex as it's much more important that adults of the opposite sex are separated from each other than from very small children of the opposite sex.

Kowaii · 13/08/2023 08:29

I like the family toilets at ikea. Our local one has 2 adult toilets and 2 little tiny toilets in one big cubicle along with baby changing area etc. we need more things like that!