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Original poster

What is wrong with me? Am I a sociopath?

103 replies

Kimmyeatsworld · 12/08/2023 02:47

I can't stand my MIL. She's perfectly nice, in fact probably nicer than my own mum, never pressures DH to do anything, she minds her own business, respects our boundaries and for some crazy reason I can't stand her. Our DC1 is 9 months old now and so we're seeing more and more of her. Her voice is shrill and I feel like she neighs when she laughs and I just find her irritating and stupid (she forwards all the viral links to YouTube on WhatsApp).

I get really grumpy when we have to visit her or if I hear that she might come over soon..

How can I start liking her? I really want to because I feel like ultimately it would make life easier for me and DH.

Am I just a mean person.

OP posts:
HamishTheCamel · 12/08/2023 02:56

Of course you're not a sociopath for irrationally disliking one person! I also have in-laws in the "well meaning but mildly annoying" category. I'm afraid you just have to suck it up for your DH's and DC's sake.

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 12/08/2023 02:58

Sometimes you just don’t like someone. Maybe she reminds you of someone who was awful.

When I worked in a nursery sometimes there were children I didn’t click with. I wouldn’t say I didn’t like them, but didn’t overly like them if that makes sense. I would always make sure they got a big smile when they arrived and I would go out of my way to find something they liked doing so I could spend time with them. That usually gave us a connection and a friendship would grow from that.

I would honestly just try to pretend you like her, eventually she might grow on you.

Superhanz · 12/08/2023 03:24

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Catsmere · 12/08/2023 03:53

Just disliking someone has nothing to do with sociopathy, or, for that matter , being "mean". It would be very unusual to like everyone and it's often enough little cumulative things that mean we can't stand someone.

All I can suggest is being polite (which I presume you are anyway). I sympathise, I know a few people I can't abide, but have to be civil to. Luckily they're only neighbours, not inlaws.

Plus I don't think sociopaths think they are sociopaths ...

LimeDrizzled · 12/08/2023 03:56

She can't help her laugh but the YouTube thing is annoying.

IamfeelingConfused · 12/08/2023 05:59

I think you need to identify your feelings when you see her and trace back to the first time you felt that way - it might not be related to her but she could be triggering something in your past or she could be reminding you of someone in your past.

CurlewKate · 12/08/2023 06:03

You don't have to like her. All that's required is that you're cordial. Her relationship is with your dh and your children. They are they ones with the shared history.

AvengedQuince · 12/08/2023 06:05

LimeDrizzled · 12/08/2023 03:56

She can't help her laugh but the YouTube thing is annoying.

Isn't laughing out loud on purpose?

Jewelanemone · 12/08/2023 06:09

Years ago I worked in an office and there was a lady who used to deliver the internal post. She was perfectly nice, used to say hello when she dropped off the post. She never tried to make conversation or interrupt me, she just did her job in a perfectly pleasant and efficient way. However, I couldn't stand the sight of her. When I knew it was approaching the time for her to come round, my shoulders would tense. I always smiled and said hello back to her, as I was aware how ridiculous and unfounded my hatred was!

Ages after, I was chatting to a colleague and I happened to mention it, saying how strange it was, and it turned out that they felt exactly the same way about her. Which made it even odder! Poor woman. I wonder if she did something terrible to us both in a previous life! 😆

JMSA · 12/08/2023 06:14

Yup, you're mean.
That said, it's probably overexposure that's making you annoyed. A Saint could become annoying if you see them often enough!
Does she do any childcare for you, OP?

honeyandfizz · 12/08/2023 06:16

Wait until you are a MIL.

Totalwasteofpaper · 12/08/2023 06:22

Practically

try and set yourself up for sucess /positive interactions.
Leave the room (toilet or tea) if it gets a bit much and you are losing your cool.

Send your own funny tiktok IG YT links back and lean in
Talk about your DD - its something you both love

Thankgoodnessforabitofsun · 12/08/2023 06:57

You’ll make your own life easier if you can like her a bit. Maybe ask DH to tell you what he likes best about her or find some way of getting to know a few more positives about her. And just let it go and don’t think about it when something does bug you

Curseofthenation · 12/08/2023 07:33

You can't like everyone. I think the key to tolerating your MIL better could be reminding yourself that she loves your DH as much as you love your baby. Perhaps you could ask MIL about various childhood milestones with DH for small talk. My ILs love talking about the good old days and it makes me feel closer to them because we all love my DH and DC. I guess it allows me to see past their irritating traits. I see them weekly! It might work for you?

KajsaKavat · 12/08/2023 07:41

I felt like this about my MIL after we had children, but she did overstep straight after birth and after that I just disliked her a lot of the time, exactly like you describe.

I remained reasonably polite and she was close with my kids even after I divorced her son. Now fast forward 15 years, She died recently and I feel somewhat bad at times for not being nicer.

but, there were little things, she always wanted to tell me how to do things and she never respected my parenting choices, she wouldn’t accept when my second child had a milk allergy and thought I eas overreacting.

I bet you also have some little reasons behind your sudden dislike to her.

HerRoyalHeinzness · 12/08/2023 07:47

I used to work with someone I couldn't stand. He just rubbed me up the wrong way. I would be enraged on a daily basis. The rest of the team thought he was annoying too, but just shrugged it off. On the advice of a friend, I started to sit consciously and think of 3 qualities he had, so, he was kind to animals, he had adopted a child, he didn't hold a grudge. That kind of thing. I did this maybe twice a day, not dwelling on it, but trying to be sincere each time. In less than a week, the anger just left and we got on much better after that. I also did it to another woman I worked with who would pick on me and make snidey comments. I would particularly concentrate on this when we were due to see each other. It really did dampen the sharpness coming from her. Voodoo? Woo? Who knows, but it works for me. Try it before each visit and see if it works for you.

CurlewKate · 12/08/2023 07:49

"I bet you also have some little reasons behind your sudden dislike to her."

Yep. Absolutely bound to be her fault.

Neurotic90 · 12/08/2023 08:08

Did it start when you had your baby by any chance?
I always got on well with my MIL, then when I had my baby I really struggled with her. Totally irrational but from discussions with family and friends I'm not the only one, not sure if it's some kind of hormonal response.

Dahlia57 · 12/08/2023 08:10

I once worked with someone many years ago who was a similar age to myself. I was transferred to her office so she was there before I was although we had both worked for the organisation for a number of years. I was also a higher level than she was although I wasn't her supervisor. For absolutely no reason from the outset I could see she didn't like me and this made me feel very uncomfortable. A few years down the line I felt her dislike wasn't as apparent but I always felt a bit uncomfortable around her because I thought deep down she may still have disliked me. I haven't seen her since we both left the organisation a long time ago but if I were to come across her even now I would feel uncomfortable. I didn't do anything wrong and do not understand why she felt this way about me.

Jifmicroliquid · 12/08/2023 08:15

I’ve had this where I find a really nice person completely irritating. At first I thought it was me being completely irrational but then I realised they do a few things that I find so strange that it annoys me, and that’s where the feelings come from. For example they are very routine based and if you do something they see as outside your normal routine, they have to fuss and find out what’s wrong and they get quite worried and dramatic about it (“oh I was panicking then!” that kind of thing). It’s such a none issue but it’s enough for me to be irritated by.

MrsMarzetti · 12/08/2023 08:21

Maybe she is on Gransnet complaining about her DIL's sullen attitude every time she visits. Maybe she is saying she has tried so hard to be friendly, never interfere and respect your boundaries. Or maybe she is saying what do i do my son has marries such a "stupid" woman.
I am sure your MIL is not "stupid" at all. One day you might be a MIL !

Loulou599 · 12/08/2023 08:24

Do you think she is an authentic person?

Freeme31 · 12/08/2023 08:25

Not a sociopath you just sound like an unkind, mean person - she loves your husband, child & is trying with you - be careful "what goes around-comes around". Idk - have you considered your maybe jealous ?

maddening · 12/08/2023 08:26

Find something in common with her and start from there - it is possible to work through a dislike to become friends.

Or just remain cordial and swallow.your dislike for the rest of her life/your marriage.

Kweeky · 12/08/2023 08:30

Does she remind you of someone from your past?
Why can't you ignore the watsapp posts - I do with DH's family. (mostly)