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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘Solo Parent’

99 replies

babynme · 12/08/2023 01:49

So I am a ‘solo parent’. Baby’s dad is not involved, I’m doing it all on my own. Solo. I don’t hate it (I did at the start) but it’s my reality, I’ve found what works for me so I just get on with it now.

It’s really starting to grind my gears now that I see a lot of tik tokers / influencers calling themselves ‘solo parents’ or that they are ‘solo parenting for a few days’ because their partner is at work. Is it just me? I’m not trying to gatekeep the phrase per-say, but most of the time their attitude is ‘feel sorry for me my husband is off to his 9-5 I’m solo parenting’ when this is our reality 24/7, I just feel it’s being used wrongly.

please tell me if I’m overreacting by being peeved by this 🤣

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 12/08/2023 01:51

Agreed, not really solo when still benefiting from a 2nd salary and input apart from a few flipping hours

OrangeySnicket · 12/08/2023 02:00

You're a single parent, they're doing solo parenting for a bit.

Merrow · 12/08/2023 02:02

OrangeySnicket · 12/08/2023 02:00

You're a single parent, they're doing solo parenting for a bit.

This.

fullbloom87 · 12/08/2023 02:02

I hate the phrase solo parenting.
I'm not a 'solo' parent but my husband is absolutely useless and is a workaholic so it's always been me that's raised them and did everything. Besides coming in and watching the tele he's really done nothing that's hands on or helpful, if anything he's got in the way.
I think the types who use this phrase are the 2 ft working parents who aren't used to full on days with just them and their kids, because the weekends it's usually equally shared parental duties.

Original poster
babynme · 12/08/2023 02:04

@OrangeySnicket @Merrow single parents can co-parent though. I’m my child’s only parent which is what I believe a solo parent to be. You’re not necessarily a solo parent just cos your partner is out the house for a couple hours/days

OP posts:
Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 12/08/2023 02:11

I’m not a single parent so I can’t really comment, but I can’t imagine being a single parent compares to having my husband go away for a couple of days. I can’t imagine the difficulties in juggling life and a child on your own all the time.

I had to stop looking at anything parenting related on tictok because of all the idiots who had been parents for a year trying to give advice.

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 12/08/2023 02:15

I agree with you OP. Being the only parent at home at any given time isn't solo parenting. It's just normal parenting.

But maybe if you started using the term 'lone parent' about yourself it might help. It might not, but I know a few parents who prefer that term.

Merrow · 12/08/2023 02:18

babynme · 12/08/2023 02:04

@OrangeySnicket @Merrow single parents can co-parent though. I’m my child’s only parent which is what I believe a solo parent to be. You’re not necessarily a solo parent just cos your partner is out the house for a couple hours/days

I've only ever heard it used by parents in two parent families - for example, a friend said they were solo parenting as their DH was away with work for a week. They're not claiming to be single parent, which I would understand would be annoying.

LordSalem · 12/08/2023 02:21

Lone parent. That's what it is when it's literally just you and a completely absent other parent.

Original poster
babynme · 12/08/2023 02:21

@Merrow yeah I totally get that! But I just don’t see the point in labelling it lol you could just say your partner is away for a week rather than saying you’re a solo parent, idk maybe I am overthinking it 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
babynme · 12/08/2023 02:22

@MillicentTrilbyHiggins @LordSalem yeah that’s quite fitting

OP posts:
LimeDrizzled · 12/08/2023 02:22

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 12/08/2023 02:11

I’m not a single parent so I can’t really comment, but I can’t imagine being a single parent compares to having my husband go away for a couple of days. I can’t imagine the difficulties in juggling life and a child on your own all the time.

I had to stop looking at anything parenting related on tictok because of all the idiots who had been parents for a year trying to give advice.

YANBU to avoid Tiktok. I feel as though it's overrun with stupid people. A waste of time. I only have an account because of cute guinea pig videos on there.

DoesItHaveKosovo · 12/08/2023 02:28

YABU for caring about what people say on TikTok!

suburbophobe · 12/08/2023 02:30

I'm a solo parent. His dad left when he was 6 months old and has never done anything for him or paid maintenance.

At least I know where I stand when reading some of the posts about dads not keeping appointments, chasing after maintenance or whatever.

DS has grown up with positive male role models around him so that's been great.

sicknote26 · 12/08/2023 02:32

I'm a widow so definitely a solo parent, to be honest it's not the same, coping for a few weeks whist partner is working away versus doing it on your own 24/7 with no end in sight😫

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 12/08/2023 02:42

I think your situation is usually termed "lone parent". Solo parenting is when there's only one parent parenting! So you are both a solo and a lone parent. I am married and not a lone parent, but I have at times been the only parent doing any/all of the work, so I have been a solo parent.

Savemyusernamenow · 12/08/2023 02:50

Lone parent - completely alone. No co parenting

Single parent - other parent involvement variable. Could be co parenting, could be completely alone.

Solo parent - in a relationship / marriage with other parent. Caring for DC alone for a short period of time.

Savemyusernamenow · 12/08/2023 02:51

Savemyusernamenow · 12/08/2023 02:50

Lone parent - completely alone. No co parenting

Single parent - other parent involvement variable. Could be co parenting, could be completely alone.

Solo parent - in a relationship / marriage with other parent. Caring for DC alone for a short period of time.

IMO

MumGMT · 12/08/2023 03:14

I'd call someone who had a baby with a sperm donor a 'solo' parent.....and I don't mean dads who simply fucked off and never bothered parenting.

For those who are doing it alone or mostly alone because the dads are shit I'd say 'single' parent.

I know some men who see their kids EOW if that and they have the cheek to call themselves 'single parents' just because they're single and have a child/children 🙄they don't really parent

Gothambutnotahamster · 12/08/2023 05:05

Savemyusernamenow · 12/08/2023 02:50

Lone parent - completely alone. No co parenting

Single parent - other parent involvement variable. Could be co parenting, could be completely alone.

Solo parent - in a relationship / marriage with other parent. Caring for DC alone for a short period of time.

This!

Solo parenting is absolutely the correct English for someone looking after their kids alone for a period of time.

PuttingDownRoots · 12/08/2023 05:18

I've ended describing our situation as "part time single adult household". DH is still involved in parenting when he's away (weekly commuting plus regular longer trips) but its the logistical issues like when the children have clashing activities or one or both are ill, or I'm ill, or I have a late work thing....

Families are a complete mish mash these days, with the relationship status not always describing the situation.

spidermonkeys · 12/08/2023 05:26

I think it you that's using the wrong phrase.

Commonly you would be referred to as a lone parent.

Besides, does it really matter that other people call them selves whatever they want? It doesn't change your parenting situation.

There is also a spectrum of lone parent imo. I was a lone parent for a few years. However my sister lived next door and my mum and dad a 2 min walk. They sort of patented with me. I had tonnes of help and felt a bit of a fraud when people would comment how well I did 'on my own' I wasn't on my own, just had help from elsewhere, not their dad.

HappyValleyFan1 · 12/08/2023 05:29

Savemyusernamenow · 12/08/2023 02:50

Lone parent - completely alone. No co parenting

Single parent - other parent involvement variable. Could be co parenting, could be completely alone.

Solo parent - in a relationship / marriage with other parent. Caring for DC alone for a short period of time.

Agree!

SlippySarah · 12/08/2023 05:31

I don't know if you always need to put a label on it or reject the labels others choose to use.

spitefulandbadgrammar · 12/08/2023 05:45

Savemyusernamenow · 12/08/2023 02:50

Lone parent - completely alone. No co parenting

Single parent - other parent involvement variable. Could be co parenting, could be completely alone.

Solo parent - in a relationship / marriage with other parent. Caring for DC alone for a short period of time.

Yes! OP, I’ve never heard a lone parent call themselves a solo parent – only ever people with a partner away saying they’re solo parenting.