Husband stormed off

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Husband just stormed off as I told him I’m upset we’re not intimate anymore. He said it’s my fault as I fight everyday with him. For context I don’t fight everyday, I just get upset sometimes as he’s so cold and unloving with me. He’s not a sexual person at all. We only had sex to have children.

Once youngest was conceived 5 years ago we stopped. I just feel so rejected by him. I can tell you last time we had sex as it was the day I got a positive pregnancy test so since then he’s never tried. I’ve tried but he laughs and just walks away. I just feel my only role was to give him children and now my job is done.

I get upset every morning as I imagined cuddling up with my husband watching tv and holding hands etc. but none of this has happened. I’m just saying this for context and not a boast but I am attractive and slim. I don’t want to leave him for religious reasons. I will never divorce him and I cannot imagine being with another man. I feel so lost and lonely. I would like to have sex again. I’m in my late 30’s

How do I get out of this? A year ago I phoned a helpline for women don’t know if I can say the name on here. They were so unhelpful. Firstly they didn’t answer my call or email. I kept ringing and finally get though a few days later. I discussed where I could go in regards to women shelter etc. I was ready to leave with my 2 kids but they said they can’t promise there will be a place and I think she mentioned it won’t all be free and I can’t stay indefinitely. They made it sound really difficult and I was scared. I didn’t go ahead with it. I have no family support and even though I have a few friends I wouldn’t want to impose on asking to live with them. It’s not easy.

I got advice from a free legal helpline and they said I wouldn’t be able to get money straight away and if he’s difficult and hides money it could take years to get any money from him. He pays mortgage and the bills so he could just stop paying that if I insisted he move out and I stay with the kids. We have no joint bank account. He also told me himself years ago that he could easily hide his money and I wouldnt see a penny in any divorce. The house we live in is in his name only and do is the mortgage

Your first step should be to see a Solicitor specialising in divorce and family law.

They will advise you of what you can expect regarding maintenance, what to do about the house, how to handle your soon to be ex husband.

You are married so you are entitled to half of his assets.

So if you knew he was not a sexual person, why did you a) marry him and b) have children with him?

What did you think would happen?

He replied to an add for someone looking for work that he will give her designer bags if she lets him lick her out

You don’t want to leave the piece of shit that did that? ^

I can’t help you.

@DaisyAndDonaldDuck how did I know this prior to the wedding? Sex before marriage is not allowed in my religion.

Why oh why do women continue to let men BE like this. Let me guess. You do 100% of the child raising and home making too.
It's not the dark ages.

OP. You need to leave him. He is full of shit. He can't hide a house. If you are married. You are entitled to half. Fuck whatever else he might have in a bank account.

I'd rather sleep in a shop doorway with my children than be with this pile of shit.

Please reach out to your friends. If they knew this, they'd take you in even if it's only temporary.

Right, but surely you must have talked about sex?

Agree on gay or asexual. In which case if he didn't tell you before marriage you might be able to get an annulment after you divorce.

Do you work? I wouldnt stay with a closet gay man. He is lying about not being gay or he is asexual. Either ay, you need to leave hm and stop making excuses

No. He is trying to make it your fault. My H did exactly this when I confronted him about similar texts.

I am biding my time for various reasons but you really should leave if you can. You only have one life. Do you really want to spend it like this?

No.

If you feel he is abusive towards you or your kids, emotionally or otherwise, then call women's aid or shelter.

You can and will be moved to a women's refuge, although it may be out of the area you are currently in. When I had to go to one it was about a 30 min drive away from "home".

It's not free, but you'll be entitled to housing benefit to cover the cost. They will help you with this at the refuge.

Sorry that you feel so stuck. Sadly no matter how hard you try you can't fix this situation for him by yourself he needs to want to try and be open to change.

You mention religious reasons- which religion? Most big ones including the 'book' religions place importance on sex within a marriage and it being the duty of both spouses. So by failing to try he is failing you in this respect. If is his fault the marriage has problems not yours. I'm wondering if your marriage could be annulled on these grounds (different from a divorce, if he is not fulfilling his marital duties on purpose as far as we know it's not like it's an illness causing erectile dysfunction).

Can I ask what particular part of your religious beliefs mean you can't leave him, given the above? Do you think we shouldn't be lusty? Do you think that god will be angry that you didn't put up with neglect and abuse from him and stay with him just because you're married? Do you think you're harming your children if you leave him? Many very religious and spiritual people do separate under circumstances such as yours and go on to find happier marriages or lives- do you believe they are condemned? If not, do you think you or your god could show you the same compassion?

I think he may have a Madonna - whore complex (google it) which explains why he can be sexual towards random women but not his wife. It's not that youre ugly. And it's not that you nag too much either - he's beeen this way for years.

Please also look up narcissists and how they can often withhold affection and sex.

Agree

I think the fighting and the lack of intimacy are both symptoms of this marriage not being a good match, rather than either of them causing the other

OP, it would have been better if you said you belong to a conservative culture rather than you're religious. That you're scared of being shunned by family & friends for becoming divorced because it's shameful to get divorced in your culture, and you don't have other support.

Friend is Sikh heritage. She ran away from an arranged marriage. It took her family 10 years to talk to her again (but they do). Then she had 2 failed marriages with white guys. I don't think she'd change anything because she made the best decisions she could at the time, she got 4 great kids, and staying with the bad husbands or marrying the stranger she couldn't love was never a better choice.

1st thing you need to plan is to find some other support, people who won't think less of you for getting divorced. Those that would do are wrong. When you have that support, it will get easier for you make good decisions.

OP, I‘m not sure what religion you are but I’m Muslim And divorced my H. It was very difficult to make that decision but it was the right one and I wish I’d done it years ago.

He’s not a good husband, so it’s actually your duty to leave him.

https://youtube.com/shorts/Ef1iBFaSYc4?feature=share

Thank you everyone

This stood out to me: I’ve tried but he laughs.
He is clearly not only a pervert but really cruel.
You say he is not religious, but even if you are, surely you can't be expected to stay with someone who disrespects you and accosts potential members of staff .That is so disgusting.
Tell your family and his what he has done, and ask for their support in leaving. They might not give it, but you may be surprised. Certainly there is no need for you to keep his nasty secrets.
As his wife you will be entitled to 50% or more of the family assets. Of course he will try to tell you that you won't get anything, that he will try and hide assets ( to deprive his own children, not a good look). Try to have these discussions with him by text so that you've got some record.
You may need a long term plan, this might not happen overnight but start to organise things, get evidence of his earnings/pension/assets if any. Start squirrelling away anything you can, and start improving your earning potential. Get legal advice and take charge of your own future.

How old are you OP? I can totally understand you feel scared about leaving its not easy for you to leave. You need to make a plan and leave, you are not on the mortgage, he has just floated along with an arrangement likely because of family pressure and your backgrounds.

These same people who would shun and judge you can't really be your people if you can't even speak with them about what's going on. There is no use anybody speaking to your husband no family member nor councilor. I'm sorry but this doesn't shock me about the handbag and the other woman

I would leave. There’s no reason to stay in a marriage like this.

My experience is of getting together with a 28 year old man when I was a very naive 19 year old (family issues meant no support for me so I started living with him then too).

He was a very conflicted Catholic with a history of mental illness. Not that I understood that at the time!

I feel so desperately sorry for the young girl I was, he refused sex or intimacy on many an occasion, even saying that I disgusted him.

What a waste of my youth - 10 years I wasted, he was definitely hanging onto the hate after I repeatedly tried to leave, after a couple of years of thinking naively that I could solve his problems.

I subsequently had self esteem at rock bottom and then had an awful relationship with someone subsequently who just used me for sex, it seemed like a relief I wasn't being found disgusting! Of course, it was out of the frying pan and into the fire.

In short, this treatment can really affect you for life. You have my sympathies OP, and I agree with others that you should make plans to leave. You only have one life and all that.

You’re attractive and slim but willing to put up with a horrible cold scumbag trying to get with other women and ignore his wife.

find your self worth and then a man who loves you for you