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Original poster

Husband stormed off

77 replies

Eeett1 · 11/08/2023 17:16

Husband just stormed off as I told him I’m upset we’re not intimate anymore. He said it’s my fault as I fight everyday with him. For context I don’t fight everyday, I just get upset sometimes as he’s so cold and unloving with me. He’s not a sexual person at all. We only had sex to have children.

Once youngest was conceived 5 years ago we stopped. I just feel so rejected by him. I can tell you last time we had sex as it was the day I got a positive pregnancy test so since then he’s never tried. I’ve tried but he laughs and just walks away. I just feel my only role was to give him children and now my job is done.

I get upset every morning as I imagined cuddling up with my husband watching tv and holding hands etc. but none of this has happened. I’m just saying this for context and not a boast but I am attractive and slim. I don’t want to leave him for religious reasons. I will never divorce him and I cannot imagine being with another man. I feel so lost and lonely. I would like to have sex again. I’m in my late 30’s

OP posts:
10HailMarys · 11/08/2023 17:26

You mention you don’t want to leave your husband for religious reasons. Is your religion, by any chance, one that might make it difficult for your husband to be openly gay? Because the fact that you were only intimate to have children makes me wonder if perhaps he just isn’t sexually attracted to women at all.

Thelonelygiraffe · 11/08/2023 17:27

Well, something has to give.

You either put up with no sex forever, and your cold h, or you get divorced and enjoy life again, which might include finding a man you're better suited to. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I know what I'd rather do!!

Original poster
Eeett1 · 11/08/2023 17:30

I thought he might be gay too but I found emails over the years that’s he’s sent to women. These were random women and not women he knew as he was trying to meet them for sec but from the looks of it they ignored him. He replied to an add for someone looking for work that he will give her designer bags if she lets him lick her out, I feel disgusted that he will happily have sec with strangers but not his own wife. He works in a demanding long hours work so this is his only way it seems to meet women.

OP posts:
Redwinestillfine · 11/08/2023 17:32

If he's not intending to have sex with you again I would argue he's not upholding his side of the marriage.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 11/08/2023 17:34

You need to leave him.

nonmerci99 · 11/08/2023 17:42

In the bin with him.

Gnomegnomegnome · 11/08/2023 17:44

Eeett1 · 11/08/2023 17:30

I thought he might be gay too but I found emails over the years that’s he’s sent to women. These were random women and not women he knew as he was trying to meet them for sec but from the looks of it they ignored him. He replied to an add for someone looking for work that he will give her designer bags if she lets him lick her out, I feel disgusted that he will happily have sec with strangers but not his own wife. He works in a demanding long hours work so this is his only way it seems to meet women.

Maybe he’s in denial and trying to prove it to himself.

Elieenmorrigan · 11/08/2023 17:48

He’s not a sexual person at all. We only had sex to have children.

When did you discover this OP?

What religion do you belong to that expects you to stay in a situation that is a 'marriage' in name only?

10HailMarys · 11/08/2023 17:49

Eeett1 · 11/08/2023 17:30

I thought he might be gay too but I found emails over the years that’s he’s sent to women. These were random women and not women he knew as he was trying to meet them for sec but from the looks of it they ignored him. He replied to an add for someone looking for work that he will give her designer bags if she lets him lick her out, I feel disgusted that he will happily have sec with strangers but not his own wife. He works in a demanding long hours work so this is his only way it seems to meet women.

OP, I don’t think your marriage is salvageable. He doesn’t love you, he isn’t kind to you and he’s cheating on you with other women. He isn’t respecting you, your marriage or your religious commitment and I think you need to end your marriage now.

Fraaahnces · 11/08/2023 17:51

Your husband is a perve. You’ve put in the time. Get out while you can.

Cantrushart · 11/08/2023 17:56

If you won't divorce him for religious reasons, then it's likely that he married you for religious reasons. Neither of you are going to be happy with this arrangement and something has to give, either your dream of a loving relationship or religious sensibilities.

Eyesopenwideawake · 11/08/2023 17:58

I doubt your god would want you to live a life of misery.

EvilElsa · 11/08/2023 18:00

If you won't leave him there's not much you can do really. He's not going to change. You either accept this as your lot or leave. Sorry to sound harsh, but that's the truth of the matter. He's a pervert who treats you like shit. I'm really sorry OP, it must be a really hard position to be in.

DinoRoar14 · 11/08/2023 18:00

Well he clearly Is a sexual person then isn't he.

If you found them there will be more so I'd bet on his shooting his shot routinely.

If you're not going to do anything about it because of angering some deiety then I'd pop onto Love Honey or make a trip to Ann Summers.
He is never ever going to respect or love you.

ThreeLittleDots · 11/08/2023 18:01

I don’t want to leave him for religious reasons. I will never divorce him

More fool you. I'm sorry OP, you need to divorce.

Original poster
Eeett1 · 11/08/2023 18:07

Does anyone think what he’s saying could have some truth - in that he doesn’t want to be intimate as I fight with him?

OP posts:
thedevilinablackdress · 11/08/2023 18:09

Separate and get a legal financial agreement. You don't have to divorce.

Twillow · 11/08/2023 18:10

10HailMarys · 11/08/2023 17:26

You mention you don’t want to leave your husband for religious reasons. Is your religion, by any chance, one that might make it difficult for your husband to be openly gay? Because the fact that you were only intimate to have children makes me wonder if perhaps he just isn’t sexually attracted to women at all.

Exactly my thoughts. Sorry OP.

Twillow · 11/08/2023 18:13

Eeett1 · 11/08/2023 17:30

I thought he might be gay too but I found emails over the years that’s he’s sent to women. These were random women and not women he knew as he was trying to meet them for sec but from the looks of it they ignored him. He replied to an add for someone looking for work that he will give her designer bags if she lets him lick her out, I feel disgusted that he will happily have sec with strangers but not his own wife. He works in a demanding long hours work so this is his only way it seems to meet women.

That's actually worse than just not having sex with you.
Bin sorry, that's no relationship.

SpicedPumpkinLatte · 11/08/2023 18:13

Eeett1 · 11/08/2023 18:07

Does anyone think what he’s saying could have some truth - in that he doesn’t want to be intimate as I fight with him?

Nope. He is gay. You'll have to choose between your religion and your happiness. He's treated you like shit. Choose your own happiness now

BristolLily · 11/08/2023 18:13

Eeett1 · 11/08/2023 18:07

Does anyone think what he’s saying could have some truth - in that he doesn’t want to be intimate as I fight with him?

Only if sex and relationship has been great until you have got to a stage where you argue a lot each day. And you say you don’t. He doesn’t even want to hold hands so it’s not even just sexual things, he wants no intimacy at all? So I don’t really see how, especially with the other context, that it could possibly be this. Sorry OP. As others have said, if you have decided you never want to divorce then the decision you’ll be making is staying in this situation forever as he clearly has no desire to change anything and you can’t force him to.

ASoapImpressionOfHisWifeWhichHeAte · 11/08/2023 18:13

Another one who suspects that he may be gay, especially with the religious angle. Is he especially devout or are you both equally devoted to your faith?

Original poster
Eeett1 · 11/08/2023 18:16

No he’s not religious at all. He’s said if we divorce we’ll have to sell the house and we won’t see a penny. We only just bought our house and paid well over the amount it’s actually worth. If we sell we won’t get any money back. I have zero savings as I work in an entry level job and that’s only part time too for childcare reasons. He has no saving either as all savings went into the house.

OP posts:
Leftphalange100 · 11/08/2023 18:16

I don't mean to be rude but you need to stop making excuses for his behaviour.

You say he is not a sexual person, but he clearly is based on those messages. He is also a cheat.

You need to leave, you are worth more than this

Mirabai · 11/08/2023 18:20

Eeett1 · 11/08/2023 18:16

No he’s not religious at all. He’s said if we divorce we’ll have to sell the house and we won’t see a penny. We only just bought our house and paid well over the amount it’s actually worth. If we sell we won’t get any money back. I have zero savings as I work in an entry level job and that’s only part time too for childcare reasons. He has no saving either as all savings went into the house.

Presumably you’ve got a mind of your own OP that can Google divorce laws to discover that he can’t take the value of the house. It would be split between you.