Grandparent has fell out with DC

[PirateCity]

DC is 2.5 and is under investigation for SEN. Recently they wont speak to one of their grandparents (nothing has happened between them). Grandparent has now cancelled upcoming visit as says no point coming if DC is going to cry when they see them. We were all due to go to Spain next year and that is also being cancelled. They are done with DC and dont wont to know them anymore as they say DC is being rude. AIBU if I go no contact with grandparent because of how they are treating DC? Family say I am because they are saying DC caused it. I am honestly baffled as they are adults in their late 60s and DC is 2.5!

I can hardly believe what I'm reading here OP. A Grandparent has fallen out with a child of 2 1/2 years of age? Personally I'd tell them to grow up and act their age! What a ridiculous situation, how can a child of that age possibly be 'being rude', they simply don't know what they're saying or doing at that age. I think in your shoes, I'd be telling the grandparent, to come back when they decide to act their age, but for the time being, they are being cruel and ridiculous, and you don't want your poor baby to have any further contact with them!!

Sounds like there's already a toxic dynamic if the GP is acting so bizarrely plus other family members are ganging up on you at their behest.

Honestly just enjoy the distance from them. Don't even get into it with anyone, it's absurd.

DC is 2.5, a 2.5 year old who isn't under investigation for SEN will 'fall out' with adults for no reason, they will cry unexpectedly, refuse to interact, 'be shy' because they are 2!

A child who may have SEN may or may not do this more so because of their difficulties.

I would tell the Grandparent to think about their reaction and whether it is worth losing their grandchild/child over.

They are being pathetic in all honesty, and I would consider going NC just because they dont seem to understand, and I'd be concerned that if your child has SEN they wouldn't take the time to understand.

A 2 year old?! They don't deserve to be in your DCs life. Cut contact and don't subject them to such a vile person.

And I say vile instead of the real word I want to use.

Before I can vote I need to know a bit more, why does DC cry and won’t speak when GP visits. To be fair cancelling something booked for next year is a bit over the top and if my parents or in laws said they wouldn’t visit, I would tell them where to stick their visits.

Fuck me which one is the toddler?
Yanbu.
Whoever said the child "caused it" is a massive bellend as well.

Oh my god… You’re not missing out at all. In fact, the one who is behaving like a toddler is the grandparent. The toddler is behaving like a bloody toddler. TBH, maybe your kid is picking up on things you think are normal that are actually very toxic. Do the kid a favour and follow suit.

I wouldn't have anything to do with a grandparent treating a 2yr old like that, I thought this was going to be about an adult grandchild who had been rude.

YANBU. I wouldn’t want them around my child, they’re clearly toxic.

There must be more to this story. Why did they 'fall out' and why does that mean a holiday next year is cancelled? Why are the adults (including the OP now wanting to go NC) all behaving like 2 year olds as well? Someone needs to start adulting in this family.

No rational adult "falls out" with a 2.5 year old.

Sounds perfect.. No reason to bother with them and a lot less stress for you and dc..

Really?

Well then look at the positives that they are not inflicting you and your child with their negativity and lack of understanding. Which is hard work to deal with.
One of my children has various SEND and their grandparents were in denial at first "oh it will be OK, I can't see an issue" etc. And they did have struggle at first in accepting a 'not perfect baby'. And I couldn't handle their issues - I had my own stuff to deal with.

Let them be - their loss. Things will probably change but you need to focus on your child and not others acting badly.

Grandparent is pathetic. Are they going to uninvite the toddler from their birthday party as well? That's my 5yo reaction when he feels slighted and they don't sound any more mature than him! Although he actually understands that his 2 year old cousin is only little and doesn't take her behaviour personally.

How old is the grandparent?

I have no words.

Cut them off

Old enough to behave like an adult.

This is insane. I need to repeat that. This is insane. A grandparent has actually chosen to not speak to their DGC and is aware that you are getting their grandchild tested for SEN and who is also only 2.5 years old???!!!!

What?!!

They need to give their head a wobble. Even if your DC was not presenting with SEN they are a toddler, this is literally what toddlers do!!! They cannot control their emotions at this age and also don't know yet what social boundaries etc are. I actually can't believe how pig headed and stupid this grandparent is being. Madness!

I'd say tell them your DC is 2.5 years old and this is a collosal over reaction on their part. Dear me... Glad this isn't my MIL, FIL or even either of my parents!!! They don't sound like they have a grip on reality tbh...

YANBU

We’ll hang on. There’s going to be a vast potential difference between a 60 year old and an eighty year old. If it’s the latter then d need to factor in the potential for neurovascular degeneration.

OP says they’re late 60s

My DD is 2 1/2. No SEN issues, but within the last 24 hours she's told me that I'm naughty, that she doesn't want to cuddle me only her dolls and has thrown shoes and food at me. BECAUSE SHE'S TWO AND A HALF!!!!

I agree you should tell GP to act their age. Totally perplexed by why others might take their side, and why on earth GP would behave like that.

Is there something more to this?

Is this a wind up?

I wouldn't go to the bother of officially going non contact but I wouldn't bother meeting up with them either.

Utterly pathetic. At first I thought maybe 25 but you reiterated 2.5. Even if DC was 25 I would think very poorly of a grandparent falling out with their grandchild. Bizarre and very offputting.

Recently they wont speak to one of their grandparents (nothing has happened between them)

My DC would sometime do this - we don't live near DGP and sometimes when that young they would forget them or with GFs could be unintentionally intimidating due to size they di what normal people do gave space but kept trying on child terms.

Not sure I'd go NC - but I would limit interactions - form of LC- possible to only phone and not let them bad mouth my children during the calls - mainly as NC tends to have big fall out -that way it limits the bullshit you have to deal without causing huge drama.