Grandparent has fell out with DC

[PirateCity]

DC is 2.5 and is under investigation for SEN. Recently they wont speak to one of their grandparents (nothing has happened between them). Grandparent has now cancelled upcoming visit as says no point coming if DC is going to cry when they see them. We were all due to go to Spain next year and that is also being cancelled. They are done with DC and dont wont to know them anymore as they say DC is being rude. AIBU if I go no contact with grandparent because of how they are treating DC? Family say I am because they are saying DC caused it. I am honestly baffled as they are adults in their late 60s and DC is 2.5!

Protect your child and keep this person out of your child’s life forever.

They are mentally disturbed and there is nothing you can do to help them.

Sounds like your DC is an excellent judge of character OP! YANBU obviously.

If it’s the latter then d need to factor in the potential for neurovascular degeneration.

I knew that's what you were leading to say @RudsyFarmer. Some people are just dickheads. We don't always need a diagnosis.

Ignoring and crying are two different things. If 2.5 year old wailed everytime I saw them realistically I probably wouldn't want to go on holiday with them as ita going to be super awkward

I think the GP's attitude is of course unreasonable, but it must be either they dont understand how small children can be and/or they are feeling very emotionally fragile for some reason?
I think i would be dong everything i could to try and build a bridge and grow a relationship between your DC and them? What are you doing to facilitate this?

I'm personally very very anti no contact unless abuse etc. So Imho YABU to cut all contact. But 100% YANBU to tell them to grow up and act their age. Also your DC at 3.5 next year will be totally different person to 2.5 now.

Your family is deluded if they think the blame lies with a 2.5yr old!!!!

I wouldn't be wasting time and effort on someone who could have that response to a young child.

I have spent time visiting my friends who have a SEN child and have done several times a year for the last 12 years. In that time he has either wanted to do everything with me or wants me leave and tells me to go away. I don't react if negative, I keep it light and dont force anything as interactions need to be on his terms which I know because I am the adult! Sounds like the GP needs reminding of this fact!

They sound like a bunch of cocks. Make a run for it while you can.

A holiday in 12 months time, though? 12 months is a lot of development time for a young child.

I would keep your distance, incredible really that they are taking offence at a toddler with SEN. My wonderful late FIL bought autistic son a new matchbox car every week knowing full well he wouldn't thank him and if it didn't meet his approval it would be thrown at him but every week he bought one and was over the moon the weeks ds held onto the car signalling it met his approval.

For a good 6 months around that age my oldest howled every time she saw my BIL or any other man with a beard. He laughed it off because he's a reasonable human being and she grew out of it, she laughs now about how she always used to cry at Uncle S.

Saying they are 'done with' a toddler and cancelling a holiday that's a year away is absurd. The child would likely have completely forgotten this whole thing by then it's the adults blowing it out of all reasonable proportion.

The more the grandparents give out the vibe of " I will disapprove of you unless you behave in such a way, don't cry etc" the more the child will sense the atmosphere and not want to relate to them. It's a self fulfilling prophecy.

He sounds like he was a fantastic man and grandfather. This is lovely 🥰

Wow sounds like your child has a 6th sense for toxic people. I can't get my head around a grandparent having such an extreme reaction to a child, especially a Sen child just being a child. My Ds (not sen) wouldn't go to my mum when he was around 1 or 2, not crying or scared but refused to be lifted etc, only my dad could. But my mum had the right response where she gave him his space and played with him from afar and he came around again quickly. But if the gp has reacted strongly to your child it'll just reinforce his feelings to them. I can't believe your family are saying your child is to blame, are they all super toxic too?

YADNBU

Is the grandparent 2?
Wtaf. This is absolutely ridiculous. What a cock
Sounds like your DC has got a good measure of them!

Totally.

This is very bizarre and I bet not the only unreasonable behaviour.

It's incredibly self centered for a start.

Sorry OP.

One of my friends DC is disabled and cannot use his legs. Every week the grandfather carefully picks up DC and carries them to the grass and they roll around on their tummies together, tickling, reading and chatting. It's so loving and. DC love his visits

Sounds like you've dodged a bullet . Who needs people like that in their lives?
People blaming a 2.5 year old child for behaving like a 2.5 year old child?
They sound batshit tbh

The grandparent is being ridiculous. The child is just behaving like a normal 2 tear old.

I wouldn't bother pandering to the grandparent.

Absolutely not!!! They need to be more understanding of what he's going through, if he has special needs then they need to figure out what triggers him and help him out!!!!
Do what's best for him!

But I must say that all grandparents are so old fashion.. there was none of this back in their days so they probably don't even have a good understanding of what's going on properly..

I.e this is a different situation but my brother came out as gay a couple of years ago, he had a boyfriend for 11 months then broke up.. my grandad asked does this mean he's straight now 🤣🤣 but they wasn't raised back in their days of the understanding of all the unique children/adults and for everything we know and understand now.
Maybe give contact a break and then gradually build up the relationship again

Fuck me which one is the toddler? Exactly. Unbelievable. Is this your parent(s).

Are you sure your child is not just going through a very normal "shy" stage? Yes grandparents are being petty, but are you sure they're not just baffled by the level of authority you are giving to a two year old! Surely a parent's normal reaction to "noooooo I don't like granny today" is to laugh and give granny a packet of chocolate buttons to tempt them over? Interpreting this as a 2 year old intelligently deciding to go no contact with extended family and actually backing this up sounds batshit. What if tomorrow it's "nooooo, I don't like mummy". You're just going to wave them off til they are 18? It's nuts.

And yes I know suspected SEN, but at two it is not confirmed, and surely you have to attempt reasonable solutions to problems rather than just going nuclear. This will help your child through their life.

I don't think it's childish of the OP to cut off contact with the grandparents at all, because it seems fairly clearly to me that the grandparents are completely fucking nuts.

The grandparents are grown adults who are calling a 2-year-old 'rude' and 'falling out' with them, to the point of cancelling a holiday that wasn't de to happen until next year. Over a 2-year-old crying. A TWO YEAR OLD. No normal adult cuts off a 2-year-old for just being a 2-year-old.

Just tell the grandparent that you will be seeing them / speaking to them again when they can act their age .