Dating in different cities, being safe, where to meet?

[wefriendsagainyoupointthatgunsomewherelse]

I have met someone online, not dating app, and like this person. He actually seems too good to be true.

We chatted then met up. I'm in Liverpool, he's in Congleton.

We met in Crewe 7-10, then obviously I had to get the train home.

If he's genuine, not a murderer or worse, then he's the nicest person I've ever met. Home and business owner, kind, caring, good to the kids he has.

How would you proceed? I am attracted to him.

I need to stay safe, I have a child, though she is away sometimes at her dad's.

How do I ensure he's safe? I am extra cautious. I thought about asking if I could meet one of his friends or family. He was happy to know I shared my location with a friend during our meeting. Is that outrageous to ask?

Also any ideas on where we can meet?

How can you verify someone? I am really not wanting to be murdered.

When would you invite him to your home? Would you go to his?

Eek! I'm not sure. I do think asking to need a friend, or a brother or something's an excellent idea, but I don't know if that's a "thing"...

I would do a few more day dates, meeting halfway and meeting in each others cities. Then one of you could book a hotel or an Airbnb in the other ones city for a few days. That way you can spend an extended period of time together without the pressure of having to do nights if you don't want to. And then go from there!

Good luck, I hope it works out 🍀

@CurlewKate Thank you.

So when I met him he told me about his life, has some kids by a few women, I mean we are in our 40s.

He told me he's always paid for them, and his eldest may want to live with him soon. All good. Nothing wrong with having kids and spending time with them, all for it. I do NOT want a cohabitee nor anything like that, it's all different now I'm older and a mum and settled in my home.

I don't think it's a "thing", but I think after say the third date I may ask to. I just really, really don't want to be killed or worse, and I know that men will go to great lengths to get a woman in that position.

I'm also not sure I can trust my judgement given my past choices.

I may ask him to meet one of my friends who I think is a better judge of character.

Meeting someone in your 40s who seems nice is like striking gold.

@TregunaMekoides Thank you, that's a great suggestion.

'Some kids by a few women'? No, thank you.

has some kids by a few women

Red flag waving in the wind at you OP

Agree! His halo slipped significantly with one sentence.

Was he more specific about the number of kids with how many different women? Or are you being vague because it’s mumsnet and have privacy concerns?

Some kids by a few women.

🚩🚩🚩

Did he phrase it like that?

Yeah I'm with everyone else. "Some kids by a few women" is a Jeremy Kyle territory.

What are you thinking of asking after the third date? I didn’t get what you mean there.

I would still be wary of staying the night together if you are not on home territory. I’m not sure it makes much difference to your actual safety but I would feel safer if I knew my way around/how to get back home etc.

Yes also, how many kids and how many women?

I'm really sorry@wefriendsagainyoupointthatgunsomewherelse, but "some kids by a few women" would be a red flag as big as China. PLEASE make sure you have rock solid contraception controlled by you before you meet him again. You may not intend to have sex, but it happens.

I don't see the issue with him being involved in reproduction. My best friend's husband is pretty perfect and he has three kids by a previous marriage.

This guy is in his 40s and has five kids by three women, he said he always supports them. He is not short for cash.

But that made him sound too nice, and I wonder if it's true.

That's not 'involved in reproduction ', that's single handedly trying to repopulate the earth.

has five kids by three women
I don't see the issue with him being involved in reproduction

Is this a joke? This can't be a serious post and it is school holidays after all...

To me a man with 5 kids by 3 women sounds like trouble or a the very least irresponsible and/or risk taking. 5 kids with one woman seems different. All sound a bit messy in the future if it goes anywhere.

Assuming this is real .. you must be desperate if you want to meet someone who has five DC by three different women ... what exactly do you see in this man? And yes, I would say the same about a women who seemingly has DC so casually.

@wefriendsagainyoupointthatgunsomewherelse
I say again. Contraception. And more contraception.

I love the description in your opening post 'he seems too good to be true' ...
based on what exactly?

Well there's two reasons it doesn't bother me.

1. I am not seeking marriage or a partner in the sense you merge lives. I'm well past that. I have my own home, a child, and I like alone time. I'm not sure how relationships work during this era but it's not the same as a life partner you sought when you were younger. Obviously that did not work out for me.
2. He told me how great he is at being a dad to them, overpaying maintenance, giving the women whatever they need. This is the part that made him sound very lovely and I feel like it could be fake because it's not how men would usually behave.

So I want to date this person, have sex with this person, I still want that! Perhaps it is making a bit desperate but I do need a man to fulfill my needs, and it has to be someone I like.

All the best to you OP @wefriendsagainyoupointthatgunsomewherelse, but just because he said he’s a great dad, that doesn’t mean he is.

Sorry this is the best thing ive heard all day 🤣🤣

@elenacampana I know, that's why I'm trying to get to know him properly

Nothing wrong with having kids and spending time with them, all for it
Nothing at all. But this yoke has several kids with several women. If he is telling you he's a great Dad, you know the reverse is likely true.