Dating in different cities, being safe, where to meet?

[wefriendsagainyoupointthatgunsomewherelse]

I have met someone online, not dating app, and like this person. He actually seems too good to be true.

We chatted then met up. I'm in Liverpool, he's in Congleton.

We met in Crewe 7-10, then obviously I had to get the train home.

If he's genuine, not a murderer or worse, then he's the nicest person I've ever met. Home and business owner, kind, caring, good to the kids he has.

How would you proceed? I am attracted to him.

I need to stay safe, I have a child, though she is away sometimes at her dad's.

How do I ensure he's safe? I am extra cautious. I thought about asking if I could meet one of his friends or family. He was happy to know I shared my location with a friend during our meeting. Is that outrageous to ask?

Also any ideas on where we can meet?

How can you verify someone? I am really not wanting to be murdered.

When would you invite him to your home? Would you go to his?

And don;t drag your poor friend in to vet him. She isn't your body guard and it's unfair to put her in this position. If I were you I'd stay away from dating and focus on resolving the issues that made you choose badly before. Until you can trust yourself to see the red flags, which you currently don't, I just think you're too vulnerable and not ready for this.

@wefriendsagainyoupointthatgunsomewherelse

PLEASE use effective contraception. If he tells you he's had a vasectomy, don't believe him.

I would proceed by doing more of what you have already done. Meeting somewhere for a few hours. Do some stuff in the day as well.

I wouldn't think about anything more than that for a couple of months. There is no need to go at it like a bull at a gate.

Came to say that same thing. Not such a catch as you make him out to be. Probably not a murderer.

I think you are way too cautious.

meet in public places. After a couple, three dates you’ll probably become Facebook friends or follow each others insta.

im sure you already tell a friend where you are and who you’re with.

asking to meet a friend sounds weird and I would refuse that.

he is way more likely to be cheating or just want sex than he is to want to murder you.

The kids by different women thing, well, it's not ideal. But women have kids by different men too. If he's a good dad and supports them, then maybe it's ok.

I think this, from a pp, is pretty naive too. Men who have multiple kids by multiple partners tend to have left them. Women who have multiple kids by multiple partners tend to have been left.

Even if he "supports them", which I'd question tbh, at best the support can only be financial. You don't support the mother of young children by leaving her. And then doing the same with another women. And another. What he's telling the OP is that he's an inherently unreliable partner. Why she's so impressed with him is anyone's guess.

I'm only really worried about being harmed physically. I'd rather someone a bit detached to be honest. I take on board what you're all saying. It might be finding a man who isn't hideous after 40 has been few and far between. So it feels like striking gold.

if it's too good to be true ...

overpaying maintenance, giving the women whatever they need. This is the part that made him sound very lovely and I feel like it could be fake

My brother's like this! I'm sure he's not unique. He has his faults, natch, but men don't universally walk away from their obligations.

It probably isn't possible to insulate ourselves entirely from risk when getting into sexual relationships - letting people know where you are, ensuring the partner knows someone will be checking you're home safe, and not going to remote or secluded places are standard precautions.

Most importantly, remember you can say No and/or go home AT ANY POINT if you feel uncomfortable. You don't owe an explanation, just "sorry this isn't working for me right now".

Hope you have fun, OP!

Those three women are parenting without this man. Either he got them pregnant and left them, or they decided it was better to raise his child without him there.

Maybe he's good for sex, but I wouldn't be pinning my hopes on a decent relationship with this man.

@spideronthewindowsill I like being single, a decent relationship doesn't mean what it used to.

It means someone I get along with, like, can have nice sex with that doesn't feel cheap, and does not want to live with me.

I literally just don't want to be killed. I am not able to become emotionally involved with anyone outside of liking them. I don't have time for that.

What makes you think he's going to kill you? Or has worried you enough for it to be a major concern right now?

It's vanishingly unlikely he's going to kill you. It's a solid gold bet he's a scuzzy waster. That should be enough.

So on the first date which lasted 3 hours he voluntarily told you without prompting what a great dad he is which in his view means he pays child maintenance? Which is the bare minimum a father should be doing so the fact he needed to tell you this would be another red flag added to the 5 kids by 3 women.

Not sure how he’s too good to be true and you’ve struck gold here - he belongs in the bin imo

What his personality is like shouldn’t matter then. You bar seems to be set at ‘isn’t a murderer’.

I don't understand why you assume you would be killed. People get killed by partners they've been with for years... if he's a murderer you can't escape it, but probably won't know til it's too late...

To be brutally honest, you're far more likely to be murdered by a live in partner than you are by someone you date.
Personally even given the type of relationship you want, I would find the loads of kids by loads of women thing a massive turn off but if that doesn't bother you just take it slow and get to know him a bit and stop worrying

@spideronthewindowsill The fact that men kill women sometimes and I'm a woman and he's a man

@elenacampana Pretty much yeah as well as find him attractive and is easy to get along with

@wefriendsagainyoupointthatgunsomewherelse, you sound crazy.

Your posts are really, really odd, op
Do you really want so little from a human interaction that knowing you won't be murdered is your only criteria?
You'd probably benefit from counselling. You certainly need to work on your self esteem before you're safe to be around random men.

Sorry but this thread is batshit.

Be aware and take precautions over your personal safety but you can’t go through life wondering if you’re going to be murdered by every man you cross the path of.

It’s the proverbial ‘could get hit by a bus’ every time you leave the house. Life is risky - we all have to mitigate and decide what we feel comfortable with and what our gut tells us.

I work very closely with murderers, and so far none of them have tried to murder me. Admittedly, we're not having sex, but plenty of those men murdered people they weren't having sex with either. Despite what you see on telly, most men really aren't murderers.

I would stick to day dates for a bit, and get him to travel to you as much as possible. Get to know him a bit better before going on overnights with him. Do NOT get pregnant.

My daughter's boyfriend's dad has 7 children with 3 women. My dd dislikes him intensely and hates going to his house, his ex wife, boyfriend's mother, doesn't think much of him either and his current wife is boyfriend's former teen babysitter. I imagine he will tell wife number 4 that he is great with all his 7 children.

I get none of this matters to you OP but it does indicate to me a selfish man who takes what he wants and moves on when he's fed up and wants something different. Of course, he will seem charming (or as you oddly put it, too good to be true) as otherwise how did he win over the mothers of his children?

If you don't care and just want fun / sex, meet at a hotel and see where it goes. I very much doubt he is a murderer. Most murders are at the hands of someone the victim knows- maybe don't get to lnow him too well.

If he is so good why doesnt he come to your town?

Just because he says he dies stuff, doesnt mean he does.

Apparently he pays for his multiple kids but hasnt bought a train ticket yet.

A good dad talks about what him and Little Jimmy did last week or a funny story that happened to Little John yesterday. A good dad doesnt just say he sees his kids.