Dating in different cities, being safe, where to meet?

[wefriendsagainyoupointthatgunsomewherelse]

I have met someone online, not dating app, and like this person. He actually seems too good to be true.

We chatted then met up. I'm in Liverpool, he's in Congleton.

We met in Crewe 7-10, then obviously I had to get the train home.

If he's genuine, not a murderer or worse, then he's the nicest person I've ever met. Home and business owner, kind, caring, good to the kids he has.

How would you proceed? I am attracted to him.

I need to stay safe, I have a child, though she is away sometimes at her dad's.

How do I ensure he's safe? I am extra cautious. I thought about asking if I could meet one of his friends or family. He was happy to know I shared my location with a friend during our meeting. Is that outrageous to ask?

Also any ideas on where we can meet?

How can you verify someone? I am really not wanting to be murdered.

When would you invite him to your home? Would you go to his?

@HarrietJet He did not say
'I'm a great dad'
we just spoke about it and he mentioned he always gave money and saw all his children.

I only met him for a few hours as I had to get a train back.

I want to get to know him. I may have to go a bit earlier next time.

Ha
before it got all weird about you not being worried by him having had 5 kids by 3 different women, I was going to say do your social media due diligence. You can sometimes find out an awful lot about a person, their family, and who they associate with

This guy is in his 40s and has five kids by three women, he said he always supports them. He is not short for cash.

I mean, there's your red flag right there 🙈

Regardless of the kids thing, yes you should always tell a friend where you are going and when, and when you get home.

Absolute shambles, having kids by 3 women and not settling with any of them. Why are you downplaying this? It’s very different from your best friends situation if he has 3 kids from one woman that he was married to.

And you’d have to hear it from the mothers whether what he said is true. If it is true he supports them adequately that’s the best case scenario but he still has been very irresponsible.

Also I assume he’s a high earner if he’s managing to support all those kids living in multiple households to the extent he claims he is? If he isn’t a high earner, the maths isn’t mathing as the kids say…

Incidentally, seeing your children and paying for them is not being "a great dad." It's meeting the bare minimum.

There was a woman in a local town to me that dated a man she met online, she tried to end it, he didn't want her to so he came round and killed her, true story, he's more likely to murder you at the end of the relationship than at the beginning

@MissSmiley This is my worry.

I work from home and my social circle is very gay :(

You would probably be safer progressing the relationship at his place, at least then he won't know where you live. I agree with PP though, I wouldn't get involved with a man with kids by three different women, you only have his word for what happened, very different if this was someone you met in your local community.

If you don't want a full on relationship, try online dating but keep it local, there's loads of guys who just want a fwb

When I did something similar I sent the guy's LinkedIn profile and the hotel reservation to a couple of friends. And updated them frequently.
But I wouldn't have done that if he had children from 3 different women.

He told me how great he is at being a dad to them, overpaying maintenance, giving the women whatever they need. This is the part that made him sound very lovely and I feel like it could be fake because it's not how men would usually behave.

I feel it's fake too. This guy told you everything you wanted to hear

@MissSmiley I hate online dating, the men on there make me feel sick.

You lost me at "seems too good to be true" and now you've moved on to "five kids by three women" and "told me how great he is at being a dad" I would kinda say you've answered your own question.

I would sack off the whole idea of meeting randoms you've met online tbh, particularly long-distance randoms. It doesn't bring out the best in men and you seem too naive to come out of it well. Sorry.

Surprising, since your bar is so low they'd have to limbo dance under it.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

😂😂😂

He told me how great he is at being a dad to them, overpaying maintenance, giving the women whatever they need. This is the part that made him sound very lovely and I feel like it could be fake because it's not how men would usually behave.
Stbxh is fond of telling people how great a Dad he is, he isn't, not even close. You have no idea what kind of Dad he is. The fact he's had 5 kids with 3 different women really isn't a great sign.

I was wondering this initially as I couldn’t believe anyone could say this but i think they’d have put this detail about 3 women and 5 kids in their OP if it was all a joke , so unfortunately I think it’s a serious post.

You can't ask to meet a friend or family member, as that's just weird. If you're that concerned, you could look into Clare's Law (a check done by the police, to see if he has any past convictions).
I hope it works out. The kids by different women thing, well, it's not ideal. But women have kids by different men too. If he's a good dad and supports them, then maybe it's ok. That said, from a logistical dating POV, how can he possibly ever have free time?! And I'd be worried about entanglements with all his exes.
I hope it works out for you.

@JMSA "The kids by different women thing, well, it's not ideal. But women have kids by different men too."

I would be saying exactly the same thing if the OP was talking about a woman with 5 kids by 3 different men too.

I don't bother these days but I used to Google their name and find them on facebook/LinkedIn etc If they cannot be traced then it is usually a fake name.

I mean I don't bother dating.

OP, you have admitted you have made bad choices in the past, everyone is telling you this is another bad choice, but you don't want to hear it.

So proceed as you like. There's nothing you can do to make this man a decent prospect, and there's no red flag he could wave that you would pay attention to. You might as well go to this stranger's house and have sex with him, because whoever you ask, you will hear what you want to hear, or ignore them. And whatever he says, you will put a spin on it.

There's a Natalie Lue book called 'The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship' that you need to read. Because whether you admit it or not, in your mind you have committed to him already, based on nothing at all, and so you can't see what everyone else can see. You are blinded by dreams and wishes.

You're so naive. This man obviously makes a good first impression to have impregnated 3 different women but not great in making it long term with any of them or taking family life seriously.
Of course he will paint himself in the best picture possible.

I find it distasteful and gross he brags about overpaying maintenance which is peanuts anyway, to impress a date. Any would you form a relationship with someone who lives further away?

You say the men on dating apps sicken you, well your bloke is or has been on them I guarantee you. This guy is good at talking the talk but not walking the walk.

You say you don't want to live together or have kids, well if you just want a casual shag then do as they said. Day time dates, sharing location with friends and booking your own separate room in a hotel if it ever came to it. He just sounds so yucky to me, I don't care how well off he is. 5 kids by 3 women, Jeehzuz!