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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD 14 year old going to cinema alone?

116 replies

MumblesParty · 10/08/2023 12:05

DS is 14. Quite independent. Wants to see a film on Saturday - starting around 6pm and finishing around 8pm. None of his friends are interested in it. I’ve offered to go but he knows it’s not something I’m interested in either, and he says it would spoil it for him me being there just to babysit. He wants to go on his own. He would need me to drop him off and pick him up, and I could either stay local or drive home (20 minutes).
It’s a cinema in an edge-of-town shopping centre. Quiet cinema, seems to be a safe area.
Would you let him go?
YABU - let him go, he’ll be fine
YANBU - he’s too young to go on his own

OP posts:
Baba197 · 13/08/2023 16:59

He will be fine, you are dropping /collecting, he’s been before so knows his way around and is clearly confident in himself. At 14 I was babysitting!

Kindling1970 · 13/08/2023 17:17

It is so healthy to encourage your kids to start doing things independently from this age or even younger. I work in a university supporting students with their mental health and in the past 20 years mental health issues in young people have got MUCH worse. One of the main reasons is because parents do everything for their kids now, even applying to uni for them, phoning their tutors for them, doing their washing, cooking, driving them everywhere, not letting them do anything alone. They then come to uni and experience horrific mental health issues because the world is just too much for them and they can't cope without parents. If you give your kids the message of 'you can't look after youreself, the world is a dangerous place' then they develop very bad anxiety as they think they can't keep themselves safe. I would very much encourage this and think it's great the responses here.

KangaRooMoo · 13/08/2023 17:56

MumblesParty · 13/08/2023 16:43

@Handbagger99 why do you feel the need to be so nasty?

Show quote history

Because like many on MN the commenter is nasty, excessively opinionated and doesn't realise that belittling someone online doesn't actually give them the control they're seeking in real life.

Glad your son had a great time OP. I wish I'd just gone and watched things as a teen for myself instead of only doing what my friends wanted to do or not doing it at all.

Handbagger99 · 13/08/2023 17:56

MumblesParty · 13/08/2023 16:43

@Handbagger99 why do you feel the need to be so nasty?

Show quote history

I'm sorry you are upset by what I said. That was not my intention and I appreciate your own experiences have made you over protective. I just find it astounding how little agency teenagers are given on MumsNet. I don't think this is helpful long term. I see the results of over protective parenting in my step son who is at university. He finds it very hard to cope.

Mummytotheboy · 13/08/2023 18:10

I would feel proud that he feels confident enough to do that on his own. Not many teenagers would. I certainly wasn't at that age. It took me well into my 20s before I'd be confident enough to do anything by myself

Mutinyonthecrunchie · 13/08/2023 19:41

I love the cinema, what's he going to watch OP? Hope he enjoys it.

Jem123456789 · 13/08/2023 19:51

He’s 14 not 4.

Doone21 · 14/08/2023 08:53

It's normal from a younger age than that. If solitude doesn't bother him he's ready to deal with the world

DinnaeFashYersel · 14/08/2023 09:01

YABU let him go

My eldest (14) has been going to the cinema by himself for a few years.

I've never given it a second thought.

We are near the cinema so he walks(15 mins) unless it's raining.

JazbayGrapes · 14/08/2023 09:23

Why wouldn't you let him? So strange to even ask. He's 14, not 4.

FeistyPanther1611 · 15/08/2023 22:29

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t let him go. I let my 10yo go with friends and I’d let him go alone if he was so inclined. I think it’s nice for children to start to build independence bit by bit.

Titchyfeep · 16/08/2023 18:16

Why is this even a question, he is 14 not 4!

Yellowlegobrick · 16/08/2023 18:18

Its fine.

if you are really SO worried about a perv or something, suggest he sits by a woman with children if possible or if the auditorium is very empty to sit on the aisle near the door.

wingsandstrings · 16/08/2023 23:15

I would let mine do it. I'm quite impressed that he is has the confidence to go to the cinema alone as even some adults don't want to. Saying that, I really hate the attitude of some of the other posters along the lines of 'he's not a baby FFS' . . . . no need for that. It's a dark space in which a child could be sitting next to absolutely anyone - you're not silly for giving it thought. My friend let her 12 year old DS pop into the loo at John Lewis while she waited outside and a man started wanking at the urinal next to her DS and asked the boy to touch him. There are pervs everywhere, and I imagine particularly so in a showing of a film popular with young teens.

BerylWiddicombe · 16/08/2023 23:32

Appreciate times have changed but I'm pretty sure my parents were letting me do this from
about age 8 on a Saturday morning.

It's great he's got the confidence to do what he wants to do by himself if his friends don't fancy it. I know plenty adults who don't!

GreenHillsBlueSky · 16/08/2023 23:36

I think it’s fine. I’ve never known anyone get hassle in the cinema, so I think that’s very unlikely to happen. He might also be meeting a date there and doesn’t want to say. But even if he is going completely alone, that’s a safe thing to do.

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