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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD 14 year old going to cinema alone?

116 replies

MumblesParty · 10/08/2023 12:05

DS is 14. Quite independent. Wants to see a film on Saturday - starting around 6pm and finishing around 8pm. None of his friends are interested in it. I’ve offered to go but he knows it’s not something I’m interested in either, and he says it would spoil it for him me being there just to babysit. He wants to go on his own. He would need me to drop him off and pick him up, and I could either stay local or drive home (20 minutes).
It’s a cinema in an edge-of-town shopping centre. Quiet cinema, seems to be a safe area.
Would you let him go?
YABU - let him go, he’ll be fine
YANBU - he’s too young to go on his own

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 10/08/2023 12:50

@Alargeoneplease89 "No need to be rude and times have changed"

I agree there's no need to be rude, but in what way have times changed?

spiderlight · 10/08/2023 12:52

Your anxiety is totally understandable given your awful experience, but he'll be fine. Maybe encourage him to sit close to a family rather than in a row completely on his own, just for your own peace of mind.

watcherintherye · 10/08/2023 12:57

Tell him to sit on the end of a row and plonk a rucksack or something next to him. I still feel I have to warn my adult dc to stand against the back wall of a tube station till the train comes in (unless they’re newer ones with screens) if they’re going to ‘that London’’. They look pityingly at me, but I still do it!

Bellyblueboy · 10/08/2023 13:00

Let him go.

With the number of adults posting about feeling too self conscious about going to the cinema or a restaurant alone shows this is an important life skill. Being comfortable in your own company.

I travel a lot alone with work and will always remember the 22 year old who hear I was stopping over in Singapore and he advised me to stay in the hotel room and order room service!! I felt so sad for him.

your son sounds awesome.

ActDottie · 10/08/2023 13:00

Let him go especially if you can take him there and pick him up

WhatAPalaverer · 10/08/2023 13:02

Good grief, I was getting the train into London on my own at 13!

BlackberrySky · 10/08/2023 13:03

watcherintherye · 10/08/2023 12:57

Tell him to sit on the end of a row and plonk a rucksack or something next to him. I still feel I have to warn my adult dc to stand against the back wall of a tube station till the train comes in (unless they’re newer ones with screens) if they’re going to ‘that London’’. They look pityingly at me, but I still do it!

I have lived my whole life in London and never stood that far back from the platform edge. At some stations you'd never get on if you did that 😁

RedHelenB · 10/08/2023 13:11

Issuefroth · 10/08/2023 12:06

I went with sibling when we were both in primary school. He will be fine.

This. My 14 year went yo concerts alone.

WhatAPalaverer · 10/08/2023 13:20

And yes, times have changed. The IRA ceasefire has made it much less stressful!

InSpainTheRain · 10/08/2023 13:20

I actually think good for him for doing it alone! If he feels comfortable within himself to go and do something that just he wants to do I'd be 100% fine with it. I'd drop off and pick up but he'll be fine.

Nanny0gg · 10/08/2023 13:26

orangegato · 10/08/2023 12:09

14 not 4 ffs. I was going at 12.

On your own? No friend?

SE13Mummy · 10/08/2023 13:27

At 13 DD went to the cinema alone because she wanted to watch a film no one was interested in - I was pleased she wasn't letting other people's views of the film prevent her from watching it.

neverbeenskiing · 10/08/2023 13:34

I think it's great that you've raised a teenager who is happy in his own company, and secure enough that he doesn't feel the need to follow the crowd and stick to films that all his mates are interested in. You sound like a lovely Mum.

Given what happened to you it's totally understandable that you'd feel protective, but I think he'll be fine.

CakAndMoreCake · 10/08/2023 13:44

I’d pick my 13 yr old up at 8pm, but think nothing of letting him travel and watch alone.

CakAndMoreCake · 10/08/2023 13:45

watcherintherye · 10/08/2023 12:57

Tell him to sit on the end of a row and plonk a rucksack or something next to him. I still feel I have to warn my adult dc to stand against the back wall of a tube station till the train comes in (unless they’re newer ones with screens) if they’re going to ‘that London’’. They look pityingly at me, but I still do it!

Lol, I take it you don’t get the tube in rush hour…?

snowdropinwinter · 10/08/2023 13:46

This reply has been deleted

This user is a troll so we have deleted their posts and threads.

WhereHasTheSunGoneThisSummer · 10/08/2023 13:48

It’s now even a thing, don’t maje him going alone into one. Good on him for wanting to go on his own, I know so many 50 year old women that won’t do anything without someone else.

NewNovember · 10/08/2023 13:49

Of course it's fine, my 9 and 12 year old went to the cinema last month on their own, the age the cinemas allow unaccompanied children is 8.

TenoringBehind · 10/08/2023 13:52

Of course it’s fine. Good on him!

piefacedClique · 10/08/2023 13:56

I would say kudos for him for wanting to go alone and not feeling the pressure to have to do it with others. I love a solo cinema trip….. no seething resentment with the person next to me and they’re eating noises 🤣🤣🤣🤣. Unsure if your username links to your location but if it does there are plenty of lovely places within a 5/10 minute walk where you could sit and have a coffee or do your weekly shop etc if that would make you more confident?

VinEtFromage · 10/08/2023 14:27

@MumblesParty I'm sorry you went through that as a teen. It's obviously going to impact your life, risk assessment etc.

Your DS1 (in this respect anyway!!) has given you an easy ride!!

Having the confidence to do things by yourself is a brilliant life skill. Some people are naturally more confident & enjoy their own company more than others.

Having to defend yourself to other people is draining.

I do things by myself due to a huge variety of things. ONE of them is because I won't miss out on things I want to do because no one else wants to do it. Another large part of it is that I want to do what I want to do, the way I want to do it 😂I prefer the flexibility of stopping when I want, entirely changing my plans of something more interesting happens, Eating drinking when I'm ready at a cafe or on the run as I wish.

No stress about making sure someone else is ok to change plans, to eat/not eat.

It's bloody annoying when people say

'why would you want to do that' (something alone)

why don't you ask xyz if they want to go?

i could go with you... (to something they wouldn't choose to go to & thus spoil it)

wont you feel stupid on your own? I Freddy no friends?

etc etc

I generally don't tell people my plans! I'll happily tell them about it after.

Facilitate DS doing things alone, don't question him & once you've established the basics (like it's fine to speak up LOUDLY if someone is being inappropriate,) then just facilitate him & don't even hint at it being 'odd' or like he should go with someone.

willWillSmithsmith · 10/08/2023 15:03

spiderlight · 10/08/2023 12:52

Your anxiety is totally understandable given your awful experience, but he'll be fine. Maybe encourage him to sit close to a family rather than in a row completely on his own, just for your own peace of mind.

I was going to add this suggestion too.

Alargeoneplease89 · 10/08/2023 15:29

CurlewKate · 10/08/2023 12:50

@Alargeoneplease89 "No need to be rude and times have changed"

I agree there's no need to be rude, but in what way have times changed?

More teens hanging around and singling out teens by themselves to attack for social media laughs, more knife crime etc.

watcherintherye · 10/08/2023 15:59

CakAndMoreCake · 10/08/2023 13:45

Lol, I take it you don’t get the tube in rush hour…?

Show quote history

Not if I can help it. I’d rather get the bus. It’s always at the back of my mind that some malevolent person might give me or anyone else a shove! Some while back there were two cases on video where people had been shoved randomly by a stranger (maybe the same person?) One managed to keep his balance, one elderly gent landed on the track (but thankfully survived).

redskytwonight · 11/08/2023 09:20

Alargeoneplease89 · 10/08/2023 15:29

More teens hanging around and singling out teens by themselves to attack for social media laughs, more knife crime etc.

Show quote history

I don't think times have changed to the point that there is yet anywhere in the UK where this would be likely to happen in a public building like a cinema though? And OP is planning to drop off and pick up her DS.