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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Starting a thread about how bloody hard parenting is..?

113 replies

groovychickY2K · 09/08/2023 21:43

Start off before anyone says - I love my children dearly. They are amazing human beings and I'm so lucky to have them. This isn't a thread about my children, it's about how fucking hard parenting and day to day being a mother is.

I have a 6 year old boy and a 2 year old girl, so they both need different things. If I take them out alone (which I have to as my mum doesn't help, and partner works full time) I try to enjoy a day with them but they run in different directions like wild animals, then one doesn't want to do what would entertain the other and vice versa.

I got judgemental comments from my mum about their bedtimes and their routines, and god forbid if I dare look at my mobile phone while I've got the kids while I'm in her company.

A simple thing like a hair or nail appointment requires a 2 week bloody notice period for childcare working around his schedule. Even nipping to the shops isn't easy as one of them is usually tired, and it's such a stressful experience.

Working out every single day x 3 what to feed them.. never having anything decent in the house.

If I want to work and not pay childcare I have to work weekends, to have a weekend then it's a bomb I have to pay in childcare.. or I don't work at all and then get all the time for the kids but no earnings of my own.

Housework, the mountain of it and laundry!!

Trying to have a chat with a friend is impossible without being interrupted.

Then at 10pm when I finally have peace - partner then thinks this is a good time to try to fondle me. As he does at any opportunity actually. GET THE FUCK OFF ME.

URGH! Is it this hard for everyone!?

OP posts:
Thedogscollar · 09/08/2023 21:48

It is literally the hardest job in the world and gets harder as they get older. I can say this with hand on heart as a 61 Yr old with a 23 Yr old son and 2 Yr old grandson.
I'm really sorry to say it doesn't get much easier the problems just become more complicated.😫

Muminthewest · 09/08/2023 22:59

Yes to all this. Sending a hand hold.

Summermeadowflowers · 09/08/2023 23:02

It’s exhausting especially with two year olds.

in RL, everyone says it gets easier. It is just on MN it gets worse and you’re apparently doomed for a life of 6am wakeups and CBeebies forevermore.

Your partner doesn’t sound very supportive though @groovychickY2K ?

Comedycook · 09/08/2023 23:02

It's very hard and once you're past one difficult stage, you enter another. It's like a relentless obstacle course of problems!

MentholLoad · 09/08/2023 23:05

Thedogscollar · 09/08/2023 21:48

It is literally the hardest job in the world and gets harder as they get older. I can say this with hand on heart as a 61 Yr old with a 23 Yr old son and 2 Yr old grandson.
I'm really sorry to say it doesn't get much easier the problems just become more complicated.😫

I was going to say this. it doesn't get easier does it, it changes. but as they say, 'a change is as good as a rest' 😬😒

ChangingMode · 09/08/2023 23:08

Does your partner do anything apart from be a sex pest?

fullbloom87 · 09/08/2023 23:10

YANBU mine are 10,13 ,17 and it hasn't got any easier.

YukoandHiro · 09/08/2023 23:10

6yo and 2yo (closer to 3) here too.

I recently started a whole thread about how difficult I'm finding having been on holidays with them this week.

It's bloody hard. I think the combo of ages is a tough one

MentholLoad · 09/08/2023 23:11

ChangingMode · 09/08/2023 23:08

Does your partner do anything apart from be a sex pest?

oh yes, I got a divorce, that helped. highly recommend

Howmuchfurther · 09/08/2023 23:16

Nope.

DC have been delightfully easy ever since they stopped breast feeding.

I wasn’t bothered if their food wasn’t exciting. They ate it or they didn’t.

So right about work and childcare tho. That’s a tough one.

Original poster
groovychickY2K · 09/08/2023 23:22

@ChangingMode not really.. work, watch football and hassle me for sex and complain I don't want it is about as much as he does!

OP posts:
Original poster
groovychickY2K · 09/08/2023 23:23

@YukoandHiro it's so difficult isn't it! My youngest isn't actually 2 until next month I just put she 2 as it sounds less daft than almost 23 months haha.. you're not giving me much hope it's going to be any easier this time next year 😂

OP posts:
youngerself · 09/08/2023 23:25

YANBU
I was saying just this to a friend last night. It's the hardest thing I've done. Mine are adults now. I don't think I could go through it again.
Good luck OP 😊

Original poster
groovychickY2K · 09/08/2023 23:26

@Muminthewest thank you 🩷

OP posts:
Slouching · 09/08/2023 23:28

I think it definitely gets easier when both at school age, then gets harder again once the teens hit.

I also believe one of the biggest indicators for how hard a woman is going to find motherhood is the quality of the children's father. If you have two parents working as a team it's EXPONENTIALLY easier to enjoy life with young DC. The men are typically the real problem IME.

Original poster
groovychickY2K · 09/08/2023 23:28

@Summermeadowflowers my youngest isn't 2 until September but she's at that phase where I can't even go and hang washing out without coming back to chaos.. even if I think I've left the room toddler proof she finds something she shouldn't! I suppose I had just got to the easier stage with my eldest when I had my daughter.. he was only 2 weeks into starting reception when I gave birth to her, so I was just starting to have a break from one when I started again with another!

OP posts:
ChangingMode · 09/08/2023 23:33

not really.. work, watch football and hassle me for sex and complain I don't want it is about as much as he does!

He sounds awful. 😔

My friends ex husband was like this and one day she just had enough and booted him out. Her children were 3 and 5. She said her life was pretty much instantly easier because she only had work and children to consider.

You deserve better and don’t have to put up with it. 💐

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 09/08/2023 23:37

Thedogscollar · 09/08/2023 21:48

It is literally the hardest job in the world and gets harder as they get older. I can say this with hand on heart as a 61 Yr old with a 23 Yr old son and 2 Yr old grandson.
I'm really sorry to say it doesn't get much easier the problems just become more complicated.😫

Although I agree the challenges are different, mine are 7 and 8 now and it's infinitely easier than when they were toddlers.

I'm under no illusions that teenage years will be tough but the sheer tiredness and relentlessness of the younger years are not comparable with now, for me at least.

ChangingMode · 09/08/2023 23:41

I think people enjoy scaring people with their tales of how it gets worse. For what it’s worth, I found the toddler years the hardest. My kids are teen/adult now and a total breeze.

I still think him the partner though.

MentholLoad · 09/08/2023 23:43

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 09/08/2023 23:37

Although I agree the challenges are different, mine are 7 and 8 now and it's infinitely easier than when they were toddlers.

I'm under no illusions that teenage years will be tough but the sheer tiredness and relentlessness of the younger years are not comparable with now, for me at least.

Show quote history

yeah, I think primary school is typically a bit of respite time. unless your kids have SEN, then it's not at all

fullbloom87 · 09/08/2023 23:56

ChangingMode · 09/08/2023 23:41

I think people enjoy scaring people with their tales of how it gets worse. For what it’s worth, I found the toddler years the hardest. My kids are teen/adult now and a total breeze.

I still think him the partner though.

@ChangingMode I think your teens being easy are a rarity.

ChangingMode · 10/08/2023 01:42

@fullbloom87 My friends all found the teen years fairly easy too, we can’t all be that unusual. 😬

The last sentence of my last post should have said “I still think GET RID OF the partner though.”

Hivaluegirl · 10/08/2023 02:06

This reply has been deleted

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lostinmaze · 10/08/2023 02:15

My manager just announced she's pregnant, all the other staff (all women, 1 mostly child free) are wishing her congratulations, I want to actually say commiserations, but it wouldn't be the done thing would it 😂. I have 3, all older than yours now thankfully. Still hard as sin, never gets easier. Why do we actually do this to ourselves.

FishNetz · 10/08/2023 02:19

parenting is hard! mine have all had a tricky stage, one was tricky as a baby, another aged 2, another as s teen. Three of my four teens are easy right now because they feel happy with their life choices. The fourth is very unhappy and stressed with her school set up and this trickles out affecting how she feels generally. My heart goes out to her, life will be so much more enjoyable when she has more agency.