Starting a thread about how bloody hard parenting is..?

[groovychickY2K]

Start off before anyone says - I love my children dearly. They are amazing human beings and I'm so lucky to have them. This isn't a thread about my children, it's about how fucking hard parenting and day to day being a mother is.

I have a 6 year old boy and a 2 year old girl, so they both need different things. If I take them out alone (which I have to as my mum doesn't help, and partner works full time) I try to enjoy a day with them but they run in different directions like wild animals, then one doesn't want to do what would entertain the other and vice versa.

I got judgemental comments from my mum about their bedtimes and their routines, and god forbid if I dare look at my mobile phone while I've got the kids while I'm in her company.

A simple thing like a hair or nail appointment requires a 2 week bloody notice period for childcare working around his schedule. Even nipping to the shops isn't easy as one of them is usually tired, and it's such a stressful experience.

Working out every single day x 3 what to feed them.. never having anything decent in the house.

If I want to work and not pay childcare I have to work weekends, to have a weekend then it's a bomb I have to pay in childcare.. or I don't work at all and then get all the time for the kids but no earnings of my own.

Housework, the mountain of it and laundry!!

Trying to have a chat with a friend is impossible without being interrupted.

Then at 10pm when I finally have peace - partner then thinks this is a good time to try to fondle me. As he does at any opportunity actually. GET THE FUCK OFF ME.

URGH! Is it this hard for everyone!?

Mine are primary age now and it is a lot easier than it was when they were babies and toddlers. They toilet themselves, dress themselves, and get their own breakfasts. They play together for hours at a time. Last weekend I took them to a large soft play and I genuinely sat there reading for 4 hours peacefully; they came back occasionally for snacks and drinks but otherwise I didn't see them. It was fucking bliss.

Honestly hated 0-3, life started to get good again at 4, now they’re 6 it’s really lovely.

Me neither.
Early years are tough due to tiredness and broken sleep. But primary onwards it was lovely.

I have a toddler and a teen.

Toddler physically requires more and is tiring in that sense. Still likes me though.

Teen is moody, doesn't listen, storms out when annoyed, skips classes, used to be academic but doesn't really care atm. There has been very little I've enjoyed about the teen years.

Primary school age was fantastic.

I think it's true that things are or can be hard at every stage, but there's a physical relentlessness about the baby and toddler years that just makes that time particularly challenging. Emotionally etc, I can easily see how actually the teenage years might be harder, but when you're in the trenches of the relentless poor sleeping, needing to be "on" 24/7 etc, that is physically and emotionally draining.

And I agree with others - this becomes a lot easier if you have either a partner who actually steps up and acts as a partner OR you don't have to basically parent an adult man. And it sounds like don't have this and so your life is made harder by having your H in it.

We have a similar age gap. At that age, we took turns to give the other one a break - via lie ins, time out of the house, time in the house etc. It kept us both sane.

i think parenting used to be easier in the 70/80s. My parents did not entertain me, you learnt how to entertain yourself and overcome boredom. They did not drive me here there and everywhere. Also as you reached early adulthood it was made clear you had to start to think about supporting yourself. Obviously times have changed but I do think parents create a massive burden for themselves in trying to be everything , taxi driver, entertainments officer, a never ending money supply, etc etc. Add in the fact that you are still parenting adult children because they can’t afford to leave home and it becomes an all encompassing never ending job.

I'm always bemused by these statements "my parents did not entertain me". I mean, I think that's definitely true when older, but did they leave 2 year olds just to run wild? I don't think so.

Give over. Even when people tell you it is hard you don't realise quite how hard it is unless you experience the reality. OP is allowed to moan...and give her partner a kick up the arse.

kids aren't leaving home because they can't afford to!

I thought it was going to say something original but this thread is identical to every single one of the thousands of threads on here saying how hard parenting is...

It gets easier practically speaking as they get older. The worries are just different. I have four.
13, almost 12, 9 and 7. They bicker constantly some days and are best friends on other days.
I can go to the bathroom or hang out washing without worrying they will destroy the place but the oldest two want to go and meet their friends and do things on their own.
They are a great help around the house too, and luckily my husband pulls his weight. That makes a huge difference!!
So yes, one day you will have a hot cup of tea and they will be a help but then slowly you have to let them go and the worries change!
Toddlers / pre school are so full on but it won't last forever!

Exactly. My parents never took us to soft play or kid-centric entertainment, they didn’t entertain us in that sense: it was B&Q or the car wash or the supermarket, then letting us “help” make the vegetable garden/build the wall/cook the dinner. Which is far more gruelling a bit of parenting than standing at the edge of soft play with a coffee or doomscrolling on your phone while pushing a swing.

i think parenting used to be easier in the 70/80s. My parents did not entertain me, you learnt how to entertain yourself and overcome boredom. They did not drive me here there and everywhere.

As someone who parented in the 1980s/90s, I think that's a generalisation and not a helpful one. I drove my kids all over the place, took them to playgrounds, summer camps, riding stables, ice rinks, parks, swimming pools etc. as did other parents I knew. I remember complaining that my part time wages paid for childcare alone and that we shared holiday care between myself and DH as much as possible. We had no living grandparents or close family so it was always just us.

It was hard and sometimes boring for parent and child but that's life. Children are hard work and it's a shock coming around to that realisation. It does get easier later and it goes in patches, some parents are fine with 2 year olds, some hate that age and love teenagers and vice versa. Try to get some time to yourself even if only 15 minutes and learn some patience. The reward is later when you have lovely young adults around the place and the lovely bit often comes from having taken the time to nurture them when they were young.

Nurturing for us always came with the expectation that they earn themselves some money of their own as soon as they were old enough and that working and leaving home are what adults do!

I think I have it easier than my mum did. She worked a part time job, took us out for shopping (shoes and clothes), to the library, to parks, for picnics and with my dad, we had days out.
She didn't drive so we walked or used public transport.
She didn't have time for much else because housework took much longer.
She cooked meals from scratch.
She had limited time for us kids but I remember she was busy all the time.

I don't spend half the time she did on housework and errands and can have time to focus on my dc. Taking them out is fun.
I have plenty of time to sit and watch Netflix or stare at my phone.

Parenting is the biggest oxymoron! It’s simultaneously the best and worst thing I’ve ever done, I love it and hate it, it keeps me going but also absolutely exhausts me.

It’s is genuinely the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life but also the most rewarding. I would question becoming a parent again if I could go back in time and realise how vulnerable it made me. If anything happened to either of my children I would struggle to go on. I’ve never felt like that about anything else

this is a perfect description of parenting ❤️
It changed me fundamentally as a person, for the better mostly,and taught me so much. you can't ever wish you had never become a parent because you love your kids so much. but I wonder what my life would have been if I never had them

Parenting is 50% easier if you have a partner who pulls their weight.

It does get easier. I was you 5 years ago and it was HARD! Hang in there mamma!

You're absolutely right, it can be hell - it isn't always, because everyone's kids and everyone's experiences of being a parent are different, but it can be unbelievably demanding.

Personally I found the early years like being steamrollered. I'm now a single parent with a 13 and a 9 year old and it's an absolute breeze by comparison (though I'm fully aware this may change). No one wakes me up eleven times a night, shits on me at 1am, or screams relentlessly for no apparent reason (or at least if they do, we can have an actual conversation about it afterwards).

I love being a parent now - it's immensely loving, rewarding and warm. It wasn't always!

I was about to say something similar. There's hardly a good word for any child in any group, only moaning and whining. OK we all like to vent sometimes but there should be s sense of proportion and a load of humour. And never complain about having a child-you never know what might happen.

Are you me!?

It is unbearably hard and I am fortunate in so many ways.

It is fucking relentless and no one really understands or cares to understand.

I certainly get no support.

Just a small example of 1 day as a parent.

DD wakes me up at 6am by laying her 7 year old body on top of me. I beg her to go and watch TV until I’m more awake but she continues to Pester me until I get up.

I’m walking bleary eyed and groggy to find my dressing gown so I can go and make a strong coffee and she walks in front of me but very close and stands in front of my feet so I can’t get anywhere. I know it’s not nice or good or fair to tell her off but 4 minutes into my day I’m screaming inside.

Bursting for a wee, I go to the bathroom and DD announces she needs a wee and, ‘some privacy’ I stand outside the bathroom bursting for a wee.

Have her friend round for play date and spent all morning tidying house in case her friend’s mother wants to come in for a coffee. DD decides she wants to wear the dress I’ve got on and goes into a huff because I won’t just take it off there and then for her to wear.

I repeatedly say I’ve said no so that’s the end of the story but her huff continues, her friend feels bored and her friends mother is definitely judging me/dd.

Go out for tea with DH who has been away all week and DD is putting her feet up in the air, flailing round on the seat. We tell her it’s not how we behave in restaurants repeatedly. She stops but then creeps back into this kind of business.

dd asks me if the ice cube in her glass is small enough for her to eat (I’m paranoid about choking and ice cubes so she knows to check) I said yes but she decides to tip her head backwards and drink the ice cubes and duly starts choking in the restaurant.

I pat her on the back hard and it dislodges then she bursts into loud tears and gets angry with me saying, “you told me to eat it, it’s your fault mummy, you said it would be okay.”

We get home and I ask DH to do bedtime with her because he’s been away all week.
An hour later I hear her repeatedly shouting, ‘I want mummy bedtime’ so I go through and lay next to her for nearly an hour until she finally goes to sleep.

That ^ is just ONE day in the life with (I know it seems hard to believe) a very straight forward, lovely bright little girl who I love with all my heart.

Fuck me it’s draining. #2moreweekstogo

Never found it hard at all. I was a SAHM.. eight years between my two daughters. Became a single parent when youngest was 3.. Best years of my life enjoying every moment with them.. loved the school holidays...it can be as hard or as easy as you want it to be or make it.
This was before we all had phones etc. We went on days out.. picnics.. zoo.. museums.. holidays.. did crafts and loads of make believe playing. I did all my own DIY.. decorating.. laying tiles etc.. l didn't have a dishwasher or tumbler dryer. Or any new kitchen gadgets. I've progressed obviously with the Grandkids. Looked after them.. taken them out etc. All the same things.. l found going to work much harder.. and all are ASD

Can you work and your husband stays at home?

I'd agree on active teenagers My eldest was a lazy mare - and a PITA teenager with cheek stopping unsuitable boyfriend etc . Although never into drugs violence or alcohol. My other 2 were completely different. Dd2 was heavily involved in air cadets which took up at least 2 evens and many weekends and DS mix of football travelling etc. He's currently working in a summer camp in Austria while it's uni holidays. Neither of the second two gave me any issues - too busy living their own lives

It’s so hard, I have two children 7 & 4 and I feel I’m pulled in all directions trying to entertain them but it comes with arguing, or spending a fortune, I feel stressed most of the time. I work part time, suffer with mental health problems, battling my ex in family court who was domestically abusive to me, while trying to lose weight, eat healthy and be happy. It’s soooo hard. I’m tried ALL time.