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Original poster

Starting a thread about how bloody hard parenting is..?

113 replies

groovychickY2K · 09/08/2023 21:43

Start off before anyone says - I love my children dearly. They are amazing human beings and I'm so lucky to have them. This isn't a thread about my children, it's about how fucking hard parenting and day to day being a mother is.

I have a 6 year old boy and a 2 year old girl, so they both need different things. If I take them out alone (which I have to as my mum doesn't help, and partner works full time) I try to enjoy a day with them but they run in different directions like wild animals, then one doesn't want to do what would entertain the other and vice versa.

I got judgemental comments from my mum about their bedtimes and their routines, and god forbid if I dare look at my mobile phone while I've got the kids while I'm in her company.

A simple thing like a hair or nail appointment requires a 2 week bloody notice period for childcare working around his schedule. Even nipping to the shops isn't easy as one of them is usually tired, and it's such a stressful experience.

Working out every single day x 3 what to feed them.. never having anything decent in the house.

If I want to work and not pay childcare I have to work weekends, to have a weekend then it's a bomb I have to pay in childcare.. or I don't work at all and then get all the time for the kids but no earnings of my own.

Housework, the mountain of it and laundry!!

Trying to have a chat with a friend is impossible without being interrupted.

Then at 10pm when I finally have peace - partner then thinks this is a good time to try to fondle me. As he does at any opportunity actually. GET THE FUCK OFF ME.

URGH! Is it this hard for everyone!?

OP posts:
Rufusroo · 11/08/2023 15:47

I was a Nanny before having my own children. I still found parenting hard though. Strangely, what worked for me was becoming a childminder. Looking after children then became my job and I got paid. It also meant that spending all day painting pasta or picnicking in the park was part of the job and a good excuse not to do housework

DangerousAlchemy · 11/08/2023 17:48

fullbloom87 · 09/08/2023 23:56

@ChangingMode I think your teens being easy are a rarity.

Show quote history

Mine are fairly easy too @fullbloom87 Mine are DD19 & DS15. On their own & together they are okay mostly. When my DS15 has all his mates round our house/garden room I'd merrily strangle the lot of them. There's a permanent miasma of sweat/Lynx body spray in our house. Mine don't surface til 11 am on average if its weekends or holidays. I go to bed before them both though obviously (especially now I'm perimenopausal 48 yr old). Still the hardest job I've ever had being a SAHP & I honestly don't really enjoy spending time with my 6 yr old nephew atm who is really hard work & I'm not at all bothered about the thought of grand kids or anything like that. I'm really intolerant of other peoples badly behaved kids too - sorry, not sorry. I'm done with little kids now 🤣🤣 they are exhausting, loud, talkative & a bit annoying mostly.

piesforever · 11/08/2023 18:03

Yes it's horrific. Your stage is horrendous but at least you get the occasional cuddle and hopefully evening to yourself after bedtime. Teen stage you get literally nothing back but monosyllabic answers and abuse plus constant stress and taxiing them about....love them dearly but this is my least favourite stage!!!!

donkra · 11/08/2023 18:12

Playdatehell · 11/08/2023 00:41

Are you me!?

It is unbearably hard and I am fortunate in so many ways.

It is fucking relentless and no one really understands or cares to understand.

I certainly get no support.

Just a small example of 1 day as a parent.

DD wakes me up at 6am by laying her 7 year old body on top of me. I beg her to go and watch TV until I’m more awake but she continues to Pester me until I get up.

I’m walking bleary eyed and groggy to find my dressing gown so I can go and make a strong coffee and she walks in front of me but very close and stands in front of my feet so I can’t get anywhere. I know it’s not nice or good or fair to tell her off but 4 minutes into my day I’m screaming inside.

Bursting for a wee, I go to the bathroom and DD announces she needs a wee and, ‘some privacy’ I stand outside the bathroom bursting for a wee.

Have her friend round for play date and spent all morning tidying house in case her friend’s mother wants to come in for a coffee. DD decides she wants to wear the dress I’ve got on and goes into a huff because I won’t just take it off there and then for her to wear.

I repeatedly say I’ve said no so that’s the end of the story but her huff continues, her friend feels bored and her friends mother is definitely judging me/dd.

Go out for tea with DH who has been away all week and DD is putting her feet up in the air, flailing round on the seat. We tell her it’s not how we behave in restaurants repeatedly. She stops but then creeps back into this kind of business.

dd asks me if the ice cube in her glass is small enough for her to eat (I’m paranoid about choking and ice cubes so she knows to check) I said yes but she decides to tip her head backwards and drink the ice cubes and duly starts choking in the restaurant.

I pat her on the back hard and it dislodges then she bursts into loud tears and gets angry with me saying, “you told me to eat it, it’s your fault mummy, you said it would be okay.”

We get home and I ask DH to do bedtime with her because he’s been away all week.
An hour later I hear her repeatedly shouting, ‘I want mummy bedtime’ so I go through and lay next to her for nearly an hour until she finally goes to sleep.

That ^ is just ONE day in the life with (I know it seems hard to believe) a very straight forward, lovely bright little girl who I love with all my heart.

Fuck me it’s draining. #2moreweekstogo

Show quote history

Without wishing to be unhelpful... does your 7yo have any SEN? Because I would consider that unusual behaviour for a 7yo, and more on the developmental level of a younger child.

Kwasi · 11/08/2023 18:30

I hear you on the fondling. I am pestered nonstop. He doesn’t get that picking up crap from around the house all day, catering for fussy eaters and working part-time just don’t make me horny. He’s been away for work this week and it’s literally been years since I’ve felt so relaxed!

Screamingabdabz · 11/08/2023 18:33

I wonder what conversations were had that made your partner think that it was acceptable to just go to work, watch football and expect sex? What did you agree about parenting and the domestic load? Does he care or seem interested in spending time with his offspring?

You seem to be living out Victorian ideas about a woman’s role in the home but you want the 21st century lifestyle. Your life, and therefore ‘parenting’, is always going to be hard for you because for whatever reason you’ve let your dick of a partner off the hook and given yourself all of the burden. You’re doing it alone but worse, you’re being held to account for your daily performance by your mother and the sex pest.

I do agree parenting is hard, but not for the same reasons as you. I wanted well behaved, independent, mature-minded children who could function and contribute in the world. That takes energy, modelling high standards and consistency. I couldn’t have done that with some half-witted, selfish twat as a partner.

Playdatehell · 11/08/2023 18:41

donkra · 11/08/2023 18:12

Without wishing to be unhelpful... does your 7yo have any SEN? Because I would consider that unusual behaviour for a 7yo, and more on the developmental level of a younger child.

Show quote history

No. I teach in an SEN school and with my dd it’s just irritating behaviour.
No dx pending!

Bluebellsparklypant · 11/08/2023 19:29

Then at 10pm when I finally have peace - partner then thinks this is a good time to try to fondle me. As he does at any opportunity actually. GET THE FUCK OFF ME

op that made me laugh and could of written that myself

Purpleturtle45 · 11/08/2023 22:22

Cloudflare · 10/08/2023 03:19

I've long thought that if someone wrote a completely truthful book on the experiences of being a life long parent, if it could be explained in it entirety, that anyone reading it wouldn't become one.

I love all my kids and grandkids dearly. But if somehow I could go back in time and know what I know now, without ever knowing my children...well... my life would have been lived child free.

It's not the hard work of parenting that is the problem (although some have it harder than others), it's the emotional side that is relentless, for the rest of your life. It's a life long intense emotional vulnerability. That bit never seems to be in the parenting books (although i haven't read one in years - perhaps they write about that bit, these days).

Essentially, having a child is like ripping open your chest and having your heart walking around outside you, for the rest of your life. (I read that somewhere - I agreed).

If we really could understand that truth of parenting before we do it, would it change our choices?

The instinctual drive to reproduce, the survival of the species, is very strong.

This is exactly it!

UnfunnyJester · 12/08/2023 03:35

Kwasi · 11/08/2023 18:30

I hear you on the fondling. I am pestered nonstop. He doesn’t get that picking up crap from around the house all day, catering for fussy eaters and working part-time just don’t make me horny. He’s been away for work this week and it’s literally been years since I’ve felt so relaxed!

Yeah tell him foreplay starts in the mornings with coffee, a cleaning cloth and a hoover and preparing meals has real sensual undertones.

JennyWren87 · 12/08/2023 04:42

It's bloody hard work! (but so rewarding etc etc) I've got a one and a two year old. 14 month ago gap. It's been a roller coaster ride sofar but OP one thing I really appreciate after reading your post is that when I go out with them (public transport, double buggy) it's easy to pick a place or activity because of the close age gap. Their interests align.

1967buglet · 12/08/2023 05:16

Cloudflare · 10/08/2023 03:19

I've long thought that if someone wrote a completely truthful book on the experiences of being a life long parent, if it could be explained in it entirety, that anyone reading it wouldn't become one.

I love all my kids and grandkids dearly. But if somehow I could go back in time and know what I know now, without ever knowing my children...well... my life would have been lived child free.

It's not the hard work of parenting that is the problem (although some have it harder than others), it's the emotional side that is relentless, for the rest of your life. It's a life long intense emotional vulnerability. That bit never seems to be in the parenting books (although i haven't read one in years - perhaps they write about that bit, these days).

Essentially, having a child is like ripping open your chest and having your heart walking around outside you, for the rest of your life. (I read that somewhere - I agreed).

If we really could understand that truth of parenting before we do it, would it change our choices?

The instinctual drive to reproduce, the survival of the species, is very strong.

This is why I chose not to parent. It sounded very hard, relentless work and very expensive. I witnessed my friends going through it, and it looked like zero fun.

malificent7 · 12/08/2023 08:54

The reason why I love the teen years is that they fuck of with their friends a lot leaving me with more free time. Also I don't have to put up with baby groups/ peppa pig etc. I like our adult conversations.
Sure...dd drinks and vapes but I was a teen once and did these things behind mum's back. We are more honest. She is also a gym bunny.
I don't think i'm the best mum and have let dd down with my parenting. I had her alone and it is 1000% harder than I thought. I love babies if I can give them back but it's kind of sad I havn't enjoyed it more so I'm stopping at 1.

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