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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to stop breastfeeding

229 replies

MsCoco · 09/08/2023 21:21

Recently we went on holiday to a caravan park down by the south coast. The caravan park is really aimed at families - a petting farm, soft play, kids shows etc. We were in the swimming pool area - there’s a kiddy splash pool and a toddler swimming pool, the whole place is filled with young families. We’re playing in the toddler pool and my youngest DD needs a feed, she’s 6 weeks old, so I exit the pool and sit on the side to feed her whilst watching DH and our other children play.

I’m breastfeeding and a lifeguard comes over to me and tells me I have to stop, I’m not allowed to feed and I have to go to the changing rooms to do that. I was a bit taken aback and just said ok and stopped feeding, and he then went over to another lifeguard and said ‘I’ve told her’.

I’m genuinely interested to hear thoughts - was I wrong to breastfeed in this scenario? I was very discreet, and felt quite embarrassed to be told off. Why would they have this policy?

OP posts:
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Jamtartforme · 09/08/2023 22:05

If it would be OK to whip out a bottle of formula then it's OK to whip out a breast.

Has anyone ever seen a baby being bottle fed in a pool? Just curious… does that happen?

DappledThings · 09/08/2023 22:07

He was breaking the law. You need to make a complaint and ask the management to ensure all staff understand the law.

TreasurePlanet · 09/08/2023 22:09

jackstini · 09/08/2023 21:30

He was wrong
Discreetly feeding by a family pool is fine

He wouldn't go and eat his dinner in the changing room!

Is it a chain place? I would call head office and ask them what their breastfeeding policy is, and to send it you in writing!

Sorry, I don't want to seem argumentative or anything, just genuinely curious about what you mean by discreet and whether you'd still be supportive of breastfeeding by the pool if it wasn't "discreet". In my mind there is only one way you can breastfeed in a bikini or swimming costume and that involves whipping the whole thing out unless you suggest covering the baby on what I presume is a hot sunny day?

ithinkhesawus · 09/08/2023 22:12

DaisyThistle · 09/08/2023 22:05

This is something that really sets me off. You were not being unreasonable. There is nothing unreasonable in a woman feeding a baby. Anywhere. Under any circumstances. If it would be OK to whip out a bottle of formula then it's OK to whip out a breast. Anyone who thinks it's wrong has sexualised and fetishised the female breast. It is designed to feed babies. That is its purpose.

I don't like this phrase but in this instance, those lifeguards really need to educate themselves!

I would suggest perhaps not in an environment where you have to wear a hazmat suit.

Tandora · 09/08/2023 22:12

As long as you weren’t in , or half in , the pool that is outrageous and discrimination on the part of the lifeguard. Did they provide any kind of explanation? I’d be making a formal complaint

littlepeaches · 09/08/2023 22:12

You can feed in the swimming pool if you really wanted to. I have before. I don't really care what people have to say. It leaks anyway. And a pool is full of other bodily fluids and I know I'd rather choose breastmilk over others!

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 09/08/2023 22:14

Jamtartforme · 09/08/2023 21:54

I’m a big fan of breastfeeding and am currently breastfeeding my second who is only 4 months at the moment. But no, I don’t think people should be breastfeeding in swimming pools. I think we all know a baby is most likely to puke in the couple of minutes after a feed, and I don’t want to swim in a pool with another woman’s breastmilk regurgitated into it.

Show quote history

This is fucking hilarious. If you're in a pool with kids, there WILL be piss in it. Come to that if you're in a pool with adults, ten to one there will be piss in it. And you're worried about the POSSIBILITY a bit of milk/posset?

Seriously, swimming pools are gross. As are human beings in general. I mean every time you smell a fart, that's microscopic molecules of poop wafting up your nose. And you know what, you're gross too. The idea we can somehow hermetically protect ourselves from other people's juices is (a) very weird for mammals and (b) total fantasy. I mean think of the average door handle, never mind the average public pool. Grab yourself a massive grip.

ShirleyPhallus · 09/08/2023 22:14

Thedogscollar · 09/08/2023 22:01

OP was not in the pool. Please read what's been written.

Show quote history

I was responding to the point that the PP had made. Not the OP.

StarDolphins · 09/08/2023 22:15

gamerchick · 09/08/2023 22:05

Nobody is allowed to eat in a swimming pool or edge of. You wouldn't bottle feed a baby either on the edge of a pool. Babies posset.

You wouldn't sit and eat your dinner at the edge of a pool. I breastfed for years but a bit of common sense sometimes comes in handy.

I agree. Just because it’s legal, doesn’t mean you should. I breastfed but always moved to my lounger to do it. Certainly wouldn’t have done it near the side of a pool. It’s like a trying to prove a point of it being legal anywhere now so no common sense or manners are used.

Jamtartforme · 09/08/2023 22:15

littlepeaches · 09/08/2023 22:12

You can feed in the swimming pool if you really wanted to. I have before. I don't really care what people have to say. It leaks anyway. And a pool is full of other bodily fluids and I know I'd rather choose breastmilk over others!

It’s just common courtesy to others. There are plenty of things I could do because they’re legal, like queue jumping, but I wouldn’t because I’m mindful of others. I wouldn’t breastfeed in a swimming pool as if the baby vomited it’s unpleasant for others, I would get out to feed them and hold them upright for a few minutes before getting back in.

Jamtartforme · 09/08/2023 22:16

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 09/08/2023 22:14

This is fucking hilarious. If you're in a pool with kids, there WILL be piss in it. Come to that if you're in a pool with adults, ten to one there will be piss in it. And you're worried about the POSSIBILITY a bit of milk/posset?

Seriously, swimming pools are gross. As are human beings in general. I mean every time you smell a fart, that's microscopic molecules of poop wafting up your nose. And you know what, you're gross too. The idea we can somehow hermetically protect ourselves from other people's juices is (a) very weird for mammals and (b) total fantasy. I mean think of the average door handle, never mind the average public pool. Grab yourself a massive grip.

Show quote history

So because it might have wee in, may as well throw in some regurgitated breastmilk for good measure? Remind me not to use your bathroom…

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 09/08/2023 22:18

Jamtartforme · 09/08/2023 22:05

If it would be OK to whip out a bottle of formula then it's OK to whip out a breast.

Has anyone ever seen a baby being bottle fed in a pool? Just curious… does that happen?

I doubt it simply because you'd be unlikely to have the ready made bottle on you in the pool, and once you've got out to grab the bottle you might as well stay out to feed. Just another example of the convenience of bf, you can settle your fussy baby without having to drag your complaining older kids from the water!

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 09/08/2023 22:23

Jamtartforme · 09/08/2023 22:16

So because it might have wee in, may as well throw in some regurgitated breastmilk for good measure? Remind me not to use your bathroom…

Show quote history

What I'm saying is, it's pretty ridiculous to get your knickers in a twist (to the point of inconveniencing a breastfeeding mother who probably had enough to be getting on with) about the possibility of sharing 30,000 litres of water with a few millilitres of posset for about a minute before someone scoops it out, given the certainty that you are already sharing it with a pretty unlimited supply of child piss. Just seems like maybe you're not so bothered about the hygiene and are maybe using that as an excuse to bash women you don't consider to be breastfeeding as discretely as you do/think women should.

littlepeaches · 09/08/2023 22:23

But babies throw up in pools all the time. Especially in baby swim lessons. They also wee etc like lots of kids (and adults) do.

I have breastfed in a pool, I was in a lesson and my baby was uncontrollably crying. So, I fed her. Swam over to the steps I must say. And sat and fed her there.

She's 2 now and I still breastfeed on demand. It wouldn't bother me if I saw someone feeding a baby in a pool for any reason really. But maybe I'm too chilled out.

littlepeaches · 09/08/2023 22:25

People who get upset over women breastfeeding are just odd in my opinion. In any situation. Get over it. It's milk.

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 09/08/2023 22:25

littlepeaches · 09/08/2023 22:23

But babies throw up in pools all the time. Especially in baby swim lessons. They also wee etc like lots of kids (and adults) do.

I have breastfed in a pool, I was in a lesson and my baby was uncontrollably crying. So, I fed her. Swam over to the steps I must say. And sat and fed her there.

She's 2 now and I still breastfeed on demand. It wouldn't bother me if I saw someone feeding a baby in a pool for any reason really. But maybe I'm too chilled out.

You are definitely not too chilled out. People are bloody weird about breast milk, you'd think it was toxic waste the way they carry on about the mere possibility of it getting anywhere near them. As if most heterosexual women haven't of their own volition actually swallowed spunk at some point.

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 09/08/2023 22:28

littlepeaches · 09/08/2023 22:23

But babies throw up in pools all the time. Especially in baby swim lessons. They also wee etc like lots of kids (and adults) do.

I have breastfed in a pool, I was in a lesson and my baby was uncontrollably crying. So, I fed her. Swam over to the steps I must say. And sat and fed her there.

She's 2 now and I still breastfeed on demand. It wouldn't bother me if I saw someone feeding a baby in a pool for any reason really. But maybe I'm too chilled out.

Also congrats on feeding until 2+! I hear this sort of thing more and more often, I do think that the tide might finally be turning in this country around infant feeding and the value of breast milk and of extended breastfeeding is finally being recognised. I bloody hope so anyway!

whattodo22222 · 09/08/2023 22:29

Breastfeeding peer supporter here...Your right to breastfeed in public places is protected by the Equality Act. It was not legal for him to ask you to stop. Please make a formal complaint if you have the time and inclination, incidents like this are why the breastfeeding rates in the UK are so low. I'm sorry this happened to you.

phoenixrosehere · 09/08/2023 22:31

YANBU

I would check and see if it’s actually policy though. It sounds very strange that a mum has to nurse her baby in what is pretty much a loo.

FuckNuggets · 09/08/2023 22:32

Jamtartforme · 09/08/2023 21:54

I’m a big fan of breastfeeding and am currently breastfeeding my second who is only 4 months at the moment. But no, I don’t think people should be breastfeeding in swimming pools. I think we all know a baby is most likely to puke in the couple of minutes after a feed, and I don’t want to swim in a pool with another woman’s breastmilk regurgitated into it.

Show quote history

OP literally says she got out the pool in her first post. she’s 6 weeks old, so I exit the pool and sit on the side to feed her whilst watching DH and our other children play.

Flittingaboutagain · 09/08/2023 22:33

Name and shame them just like TUI. Absolutely disgraceful and illegal.

wineschmine · 09/08/2023 22:33

Calmdown14 · 09/08/2023 21:41

To be honest I think the rules of 'would you give a baby a bottle there' probably apply.

Feet in the water, no I don't think it's appropriate. You are not allowing for any sick ups or spills (and having had to clean a leather sofa after feeding several babies it definitely goes places you never imagine it can or see any evidence of it happening at the time).

On a chair at the side clear of the water, you are owed an apology.

Yes I agree with this.

If you had your legs in the water, and if he would also have said the same to a bottle feeding mother, I think it's fair enough. Safety concerns, blanket "no food/drink in the pool" rule, then I think it's fine.

The difficulty is if they would have been ok with bottle feeding. It's not ok to treat them differently on this occasion, I don't think.

gogomoto · 09/08/2023 22:34

He's wrong but I'm wondering if they allow bottle feeding poolside, if not then they aren't discriminating against breast feeding

WeWereInParis · 09/08/2023 22:34

The difficulty is if they would have been ok with bottle feeding. It's not ok to treat them differently on this occasion, I don't think.

When is it ok?

Jamtartforme · 09/08/2023 22:35

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 09/08/2023 22:25

You are definitely not too chilled out. People are bloody weird about breast milk, you'd think it was toxic waste the way they carry on about the mere possibility of it getting anywhere near them. As if most heterosexual women haven't of their own volition actually swallowed spunk at some point.

Show quote history

I don’t think people worry about getting radiation poisoning or cholera from breastmilk, it’s just the fact it’s somebody else’s bodily fluid. Can you really not understand why somebody wouldn’t want a stranger’s bodily fluid on them, no matter how sterile?