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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Nurses would you think this was rude?

93 replies

TheFoodEaten · 09/08/2023 16:51

DD aged 9 had surgery a few weeks ago (before summer holidays started).

When she was awake and back on the ward afterwards, she was offered a sandwich or toast to eat. She refused all options.

She has SN so food can be odd for her (this was discreetly written on all her notes including on discharge) so I asked if I could pop to the little shop they had down in Reception or the bakery.

Came back with a sausage roll and a biscuit from the bakers which DD happily ate. We were discharged the next day, after I’d been to the shop again and grabbed some cereal as DD refused the hospital breakfast.

ExH has no had his first contact since the op and is saying I was incredibly rude to turn down the food offered and I should have just made DD eat what was offered given that she does actually like toast and sandwiches and most cereal.

The nurses did not seem in the least bit annoyed by it, for the cereal I didn’t buy milk so they told me to grab some from the parent room fridge.

I’m certain the refusal was purely due to it being a strange place and her feeling a bit sore, she just wanted to control what she was eating in the moment. She’s been fine since we got home and eaten normally.

So nurses was it rude of me to get food? And would you be judging me for it?

This will come up again so asking for in future as DD is likely to need more surgery.

OP posts:
ScottishBeth · 09/08/2023 16:54

Not a nurse but I do work in a hospital, and no, this wasn't rude in the slightest. It's completely fine. People bring all sorts of food in. Fair enough that you're daughter wanted something specific, people do when they're sick.

SarahSaysYes · 09/08/2023 16:55

I’m not a nurse, but if your ex is so concerned about you hurting other people’s feelings why wasn’t he there to make sure his daughter wasn’t offending anyone? Just saying.

ithinkhesawus · 09/08/2023 16:55

It's absolutely none of his business why are you even listening to him he's an arse.

nicknamehelp · 09/08/2023 16:56

My dd been in and out of hospital all her life she always refuses hospital food and has me bring her what she demands. They don't care what they eat so long as they do.

WellLetsSayHesSquare · 09/08/2023 16:57

Not at all. My DS is the same. Strange place strange food etc. IMO the food is not great anyway usually reheated and quite dry. I always take a tin of macaroni cheese with me as that is his absolute favorite treat food and I know he will eat it all. As long as your not creating more work for the nurses / re heating things yourself I don't see the issue with providing your own.

Wishitsnows · 09/08/2023 16:57

Don’t listen to your prick or an ex. He sounds ridiculous

PermanentTemporary · 09/08/2023 16:57

I think that's an extraordinary reaction from your xh.

Has he ever been ill or had surgery?

Does he have very controlling parents?

I just wondered though whether he meant the words your dd used, rather than the fact of her refusing?

PimpMyFridge · 09/08/2023 16:58

Rude, haha, it's not a personal insult if a patient can't face hospital food.
Suppose there is a reason he's an ex.

RatherBeRiding · 09/08/2023 16:59

DD is a paeds nurse - wouldn't have given it a second thought!

GloomySkies · 09/08/2023 16:59

Your ex is being weird. If you're feeding your DD, that's one less thing for the nurses to do.

ithinkhesawus · 09/08/2023 16:59

And if your kids had surgery why on earth is "telling you off" for what they ate his primary concern. Is he always like this?

Iamacatslave · 09/08/2023 16:59

Your ex husband is a dick.

JennieTheZebra · 09/08/2023 17:01

Nurse here. Honestly, it’s fine; we’re just happy she’s eating. Do try and let someone know that’s she’s eaten though as, in some circumstances, it’ll need writing down in her notes.

Ohthatsabitshit · 09/08/2023 17:01

That’s a really weird thing for him to think. We spent months in hospital when dd was younger and people bring all sorts of things in, to make their kids as comfortable as possible. Does he always nit pick your decisions? What a strangely insecure man.

WimbledonPimms · 09/08/2023 17:01

Not rude, Better that they ate something. Last time one of mine had to stay in there were McDonald and pizza deliveries onto the ward. We had brought in food from home for supper and heated it in the microwave and I got them a bacon roll for breakfast from the refectory.

Cloudsandrainnotsunandsand · 09/08/2023 17:02

Does he actually acknowledge your dd has SN?

mondaytosunday · 09/08/2023 17:03

When I had my kids by section the food was the worst. My husband brought me an M&S sandwich and snack when he visited . They didn't even have one piece of fresh fruit.
I bet your ex would be getting food brought in if he was in the hospital.

Topseyt123 · 09/08/2023 17:06

I'm not a nurse, but of course it isn't rude. Why are you even listening to your stupid ex?

Clefable · 09/08/2023 17:08

How could it be rude? Why would nurses be personally offended by someone not wanting whatever hospital food they were offered and getting their own? It's not like they had spent hours making some elaborate dish that your daughter had then turned her nose up at.

Clefable · 09/08/2023 17:09

Also: 'ExH has no had his first contact since the op'

So he wasn't there for the op, hasn't bothered seeing her till weeks later and thinks he can have an opinion on a decision you made?

Sirzy · 09/08/2023 17:09

Last time Ds has surgery I took our own food wihh us as I knew the issues we had had previous times!

CoffeeWithCheese · 09/08/2023 17:10

When I was in hospital and admitted to the nurses that the (awful) food was driving me to despair - they were the ones who told me to request one of their speciality menus because, in their words, the food was shipped in and "hospital kitchen has been nowhere near it so it's actually edible"

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 09/08/2023 17:11

Not nurse, but ward based AHP. No it was not rude, you were just supporting your daughters needs at a stressful time. The nurses will be happy she is eating and won’t judge you at all.

Cvn · 09/08/2023 17:13

I'm a midwife, not a nurse, but people decline the hospital food all the time and bring or buy their own! And those are adults, not children. It honestly doesn't even register on my radar who's eating what food. The staff have 1000 other things to think about - they honestly won't even have noticed.

Rockschooldropout · 09/08/2023 17:15

ex nurse here - We couldn’t care less where parents got their food from (within reason 🤣) as long as they are and we knew they’d eaten .
when I was nursing at a large teaching hospital 20 years ago the food was awful .. a lot of patients had relatives bring them food .. unless of course they were on restricted diets or diabetic then we did swoop down and spoil the fun if they were sitting there eating big Mac’s !

Your ex h sounds like a controlling prick .. where was he when your dd had her op ? Please don’t let this worry you .. you did nothing wrong at all .