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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Nurses would you think this was rude?

93 replies

TheFoodEaten · 09/08/2023 16:51

DD aged 9 had surgery a few weeks ago (before summer holidays started).

When she was awake and back on the ward afterwards, she was offered a sandwich or toast to eat. She refused all options.

She has SN so food can be odd for her (this was discreetly written on all her notes including on discharge) so I asked if I could pop to the little shop they had down in Reception or the bakery.

Came back with a sausage roll and a biscuit from the bakers which DD happily ate. We were discharged the next day, after I’d been to the shop again and grabbed some cereal as DD refused the hospital breakfast.

ExH has no had his first contact since the op and is saying I was incredibly rude to turn down the food offered and I should have just made DD eat what was offered given that she does actually like toast and sandwiches and most cereal.

The nurses did not seem in the least bit annoyed by it, for the cereal I didn’t buy milk so they told me to grab some from the parent room fridge.

I’m certain the refusal was purely due to it being a strange place and her feeling a bit sore, she just wanted to control what she was eating in the moment. She’s been fine since we got home and eaten normally.

So nurses was it rude of me to get food? And would you be judging me for it?

This will come up again so asking for in future as DD is likely to need more surgery.

OP posts:
Clymene · 09/08/2023 18:20

Your ex is just trying to make you feel like shit

Monkeymonkeymoo · 09/08/2023 18:20

I’m a nurse and genuinely can’t see why this would be an issue at all. Patients bring their own food in all the time and decline what we’re offering. It’s totally their choice, as long as they’re eating I’m happy (obviously unless there’s a medical reason why they shouldn’t have certain things).

I’d like to know so I can document it and so I know that they are eating and drinking ok (even if it’s not what we provide). But other than that crack on!

Toddlerteaplease · 09/08/2023 18:23

Paediatric nurse here. It's very common for parents to pop down to the shop to get something, if their child doesn't fancy our extensive range of, chocolate, muffins, crisps and ice cream. (Some healthy stuff as well!) Many parents also bring in McDonald's etc as well. We don't give it a second thought. Just warn them not to overdo it if it's the first thing they've eaten for a while

Gerrataere · 09/08/2023 18:27

Honestly this sounds exactly like the sort of thing my ex would say. Would suggest child should get on with it and if physically there probably would have huffed and said ‘but you like this usually!’. Thing is, ex obviously has the same ASD traits that cause the children to have limited palette and knows how difficult food situations in unfamiliar places are, just zero ability to put himself in another person’s (especially a child who ‘should do as they’re told) shoes.

Harlechchick · 09/08/2023 18:31

Do you think your ex Husband has a romantic imagine in his mind, of the Nurses lovingly pouring their heart & soul into preparing tasty dishes to tempt his appetite, should he ever be in his hour of need?
He's in for a shock if he's ever an inpatient 😂

DaisyAndDonaldDuck · 09/08/2023 18:32

Why would it be rude? Hospital food is well known to be shit.

AllHopeandRainbows · 09/08/2023 18:37

Why would the nurses care?! They don’t make the food 😂
I’m glad he is your Ex for your sake, he sounds like a nob 😂
Please never let him take DD to hospital if she needs repeat treatment 😩

Sellingbedtime · 09/08/2023 18:42

You was not rude, the nurses would not have taken offence. People bring their own food in all the time. If anything it's just reassuring to know patients are eating something.

GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife · 09/08/2023 18:48

That’s the point of hospital shops, or outside local shops. I’ve seen people order takeaways, perfectly fine.

Cowlover89 · 09/08/2023 18:53

Your ex is an arsehole

Unwisebutnotillegal · 09/08/2023 18:58

Ex nurse. The only patients I ever worried about eating were the ones who didn’t eat, had GI problems, needed assistance eating,food allergies or intolerances,had religious beliefs around food, or were a choking risk. I wouldn’t have cared about your daughters preferences!

SkinnyMalinkyLankyLegs · 09/08/2023 18:59

I'm a nurse abd I wouldn't have given it a second thought!

user1471556818 · 09/08/2023 19:00

Retired nurse here absolutely no offence will have been taken

AliceS1994 · 09/08/2023 19:00

I'm a paediatric nurse, it is very very very normal for children to refuse the hospital food. From when I use to work on a surgical ward easily 50% of kids opted for their own food, either a packed lunch from home, something for the canteen or a bit further afield, often a Macdonald's. I wouldn't blink twice. I would even care of the food was thrown in my face, it's a stressful time for children. Even after I gave birth I had a pizza delivered to the hospital rather than eat the congealing Mac and cheese offered to me!

3rdtimemumma · 09/08/2023 19:01

Former nurse and yanbu at all! Just looking after your child beautifully. And yes, I'd do the same. If my child was in hospital, it's these touches that make things easier for them. Well done for using your mummy instincts and making the world nicer fir your child at a difficult time.

Lannielou · 09/08/2023 19:03

My son had his appendix out and is autistic. No way he would eat hospital food, no nurses batted an eyelid when I went to the shop

I'm a nurse too and this wouldn't bother me either

Fam23 · 09/08/2023 19:03

I’m a nurse and wouldn’t think this was rude! I’ve had 80 year olds decline the food and I’ve not thought they were rude.

salamanderdinosaur · 09/08/2023 19:03

I work in a hospital. Not rude at all. I honestly don’t care whether patients eat the food or not. I wouldn’t think twice about someone choosing to eat from the canteen or a shop. I’d say it happens pretty regularly!

Iwasafool · 09/08/2023 19:05

When my DD had jaw surgery they asked me to bring in food for her as the pureed food the hospital was so vile they were embarrassed serving it to her. They let me use the ward kitchen.

backoffbuster · 09/08/2023 19:08

The idiot ex is just looking for a stick to beat you with. Ignore.

AuntieJune · 09/08/2023 19:11

Who cares? Feed your child.

When ds was in hospital he mainly ate m&s sausage rolls, I was glad he'd eat anything.

Frankenpug23 · 09/08/2023 19:15

I am a nurse and I would welcome the opportunity to provide whatever food was right for your DD at that time - this is about individualised care and ensuring your DD eats something, that they are comfortable, safe and that they feel cared for that’s my priority.

People do this all the time! My Aunts in hospital at the min and I took her in her fav mcdonalds milkshake yesterday with a happy meal! She had the lot!

Your ExH is an idiot!

SauvignonBlanche · 09/08/2023 19:19

I’m a nurse - not rude at all.

It’s great when families are able to tempt people to eat with what they like.
Quite happy if people turn up with a McDs.

Prinnny · 09/08/2023 19:22

Of course it’s not. Im a nurse and wouldn’t bat an eyelid! Patients regularly decline meals in favour of going to the hospital canteen, having relatives fetch in packed lunches and even order takeaways to the ward!

staceyflack · 09/08/2023 19:24

I'm a trained nurse and midwife and your husband is being ridiculous. Its very normal yo bring food in for patients... and we have much more pressing things to concern ourselves with (funnily enough). Try not let him add to your stress Best wishes to you and your daughter 💐

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