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Original poster

Nurses would you think this was rude?

93 replies

TheFoodEaten · 09/08/2023 16:51

DD aged 9 had surgery a few weeks ago (before summer holidays started).

When she was awake and back on the ward afterwards, she was offered a sandwich or toast to eat. She refused all options.

She has SN so food can be odd for her (this was discreetly written on all her notes including on discharge) so I asked if I could pop to the little shop they had down in Reception or the bakery.

Came back with a sausage roll and a biscuit from the bakers which DD happily ate. We were discharged the next day, after I’d been to the shop again and grabbed some cereal as DD refused the hospital breakfast.

ExH has no had his first contact since the op and is saying I was incredibly rude to turn down the food offered and I should have just made DD eat what was offered given that she does actually like toast and sandwiches and most cereal.

The nurses did not seem in the least bit annoyed by it, for the cereal I didn’t buy milk so they told me to grab some from the parent room fridge.

I’m certain the refusal was purely due to it being a strange place and her feeling a bit sore, she just wanted to control what she was eating in the moment. She’s been fine since we got home and eaten normally.

So nurses was it rude of me to get food? And would you be judging me for it?

This will come up again so asking for in future as DD is likely to need more surgery.

OP posts:
FoodFann · 09/08/2023 17:16

It’s not rude at all. I refused the rank NHS ‘food’ as well. Eventually I accepted a salad with ham from from nurse as she kept insisting. I thought, ‘well you can’t go wrong with a salad and ham!’.. turns out, you can!!

Itstime2023 · 09/08/2023 17:17

Nurse here, absolutely not rude and I'm also certain the nurses on shift wouldn't have given it any thought. They'd have just been happy to see him eating.

Jellycatspyjamas · 09/08/2023 17:17

I brought my DD12 food following surgery - she too has additional support needs and wouldn’t eat the hospitals offerings despite the food being ok (they fed me along with her). The nurse said they were happy with her eating something rather than being stressed and hungry.

Lostinplaces · 09/08/2023 17:18

You’re giving this and him far too much head space. Who gives a fuck what he thinks? Just nod and say ok thanks for letting me know or even better just ignore it!

Mummyme87 · 09/08/2023 17:20

I’m a midwife and would say 1/3 of women don’t touch the food provided, and about half of those that order the hospital food don’t actually eat it. It’s not rude, they just don’t want it.
your exH sounds like a twat

VinEtFromage · 09/08/2023 17:23

@TheFoodEaten

I can't think why he's an EX.??

why are you giving this a moments thought? You know what a stupid twat he is.

But as you asked, no it's not rude to turn down NHS food and eat things brought in.

just to point out the fucking obvious...he clearly doesn't care about DD & how her SEN affects her.

SlipSlidinAway · 09/08/2023 17:23

Of course it's not rude. But in your shoes I'd be less worried about whether or not the nurses were offended (of course not!) and more concerned about the fact that your ex thinks it's okay to make someone eat. Do you think he does that when he's looking after her?

I was brought up in a family where you only ate at mealtimes, had to clean your plate and I was made to eat food I didn't want. I have issues with food now.

Saschka · 09/08/2023 17:24

Doctor. Literally nobody cares whether you eat our food or your own. It’s not like we’ve slaved over a hot stove, cooking it especially for her!

Eat it if you want it, don’t if you don’t. All the same to us. We’d care if she wasn’t eating anything at all, but if you are bringing food in, that is totally fine.

KeyWorker · 09/08/2023 17:25

Im a children’s nurse…. It’s not rude and would practically be expected that when feeling poorly/under the weather/ coming round from GA kids (and adults!) want certain things that feel safe or familiar. Your ex sounds like he’s desperate for something to undermine you about. He sounds like a knob.

Faz469 · 09/08/2023 17:27

Nurse here! We have patients order takeaways on our ward plus go to the hospital shop or canteen.

We are ok with it, as long as our patients are eating something. Couldn't give 2 hoots if it's supplied by the hospital or not. The main concern is nutrition and patient comfort.

When they're ill patients want what they want... all that matters is they eat something.

TrishTrix · 09/08/2023 17:28

This is normal. I work in a children's hospital.

I quite often joke with the older children that they need to make a list of their favourite foods for their parents to pick up from M&S (there is a branch in the hospital) while they are in surgery.

Most kids (esp those with additional needs) want food they really like post op.

FloNightingale · 09/08/2023 17:28

Adult nurse and unless your DD threw the unwanted food at the staff, she is not being rude to decline.

Appleofmyeye2023 · 09/08/2023 17:29

This is bizarre.
Does he realise that they get offered food to partly check that their systems are working ok before discharge. E.g. they can urinate, and not vomit food up.
pit rewlly doesn’t matter the source of the food, or particularly what they eat, as long as it is fairly bland and not make a horrible mess if she vomits 🫤🤣

the nurses don’t make the food. If odd hours they have to go off and get the food , so you going to get it will have saved them a small task

i think he doesn’t understand that it isn’t a hotel where food is prepaid and pre ordered and someone has made it just for her. Maybe he just needs that spelt out , and that there’s a giant bread in and fridge where they go to find the limited things they can offer post op

my elderly dad is in hospital as long term patient - the nurses are very happy with me bringing food in as it perks him up, he remembers the food I make (my mums old recipes as he has cognitive impairment ) and staves off a bit of boredom. Yep, I do call ahead and tell them he won’t need tea if I go at teatime so they don’t order for him, but if I’m coming with just cake etc I don’t, and they are more than happy just to see him eat anything at all.

SuperApple · 09/08/2023 17:30

Not unreasonable at all. Within reason, the feelings of staff aren't even on the radar.

You are just desperate to see them eat or drink anything and know that they are on the mend. I speak from experience; if my toddler had wanted only unicorn tears when he was in HDU I'd have tried to source them!

pippinsleftleg · 09/08/2023 17:36

I would ignore the opinion of anyone who hasn’t seen their daughter for weeks after an operation.

HaveYouHeardOfARoadAtlas · 09/08/2023 17:37

I’m a midwife not a nurse but I can’t imagine anyone being bothered. Loads of women get their partners to bring in food for them rather than anything off the menu. When Dd has been in hospital I’ve frequently brought in food for her, it’ll be a common occurrence especially on a children’s ward.

SloraceHughorn · 09/08/2023 17:38

People bring in their own food all the time, we have a patients' kitchen with fridge and microwave for that reason, all we care about is that they are having something to eat.

This would be a complete non-event that the nurses wouldn't have thought twice about.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 09/08/2023 17:41

I'm a nurse, I wouldn't give that a second thought.

Rockschooldropout · 09/08/2023 17:42

I should also add that my dd was an in patient for six weeks in 2018 when she was 7 .., most days we had family bringing in food because she wasn’t keen on the hospital food - no one cares honestly

Harlechchick · 09/08/2023 17:43

Goodness me, not rude in least!! I'm a nurse, and I would not bat an eyelid at this - I'm fully aware that hospital food choices are extremely limited (as it happens, I've also been an inpatient for a few days myself in summer 2022, and I couldn't face any of the food on offer. It was hot weather and my husband bought in loads of salads, nuts and fruit which are my absolute favourites 😂). So I lived on that. I never thought for a second that the nurses, who lets face it, haven't got a spare second to waste time thinking patients are being rude by not devouring the lovely food offerings!).
Glad you were able to get your daughter some of her acceptable, palatable & more familiar food, in what must have been a stressful and exhausting time in her life. Certainly not the sort of occasion to have to try unfamiliar foods!

Bandyarsia · 09/08/2023 17:49

Not rude in the slightest. You get what you can into your child with the least flaff. He's a gobshite.

Kazzyhoward · 09/08/2023 17:58

Both me and my sister had children with "fussy" eating habits.

We pandered to our son, made him separate meals if he didn't want what we were having, chose restaurants that had items on the menu he'd eat, etc. It was hard work as the food he'd eat was very limited.

Sister's (now ex) husband forced their daughter to eat what they were having, refused to pander, refused to allow sister to cook different things for her, so she basically had to eat what everyone else was having or went hungry!

Our son has grown out of that, now aged 21, and will literally eat anything, and can barely remember (so he says) his limited food requirements, he's a healthy weight, active, well grounded adult.

Sister's daughter (25) is still under mental health counselling for eating disorders, severely underweight, refuses to eat socially, etc.

Make of that what you will!

Readnotscroll · 09/08/2023 18:05

Erm….no. Would have been delighted there was a family member able to sort out an alternative. In the grand scheme of everything else that would likely have been going on, this was have been a total none event!!!

LakeTiticaca · 09/08/2023 18:05

Not a nurse either but it sounds perfectly acceptable to me

AskAgathaIfSheWantsACupOfTea · 09/08/2023 18:06

I see why he’s an Ex