Aibu to be considering leaving dh because he's so dull

[soreheadedbear]

It's just draining. The school holidays are here again and yet again my dh drags his heels over any days out I suggest. The only reason we go away or do anything is because I sort it. It never occurs to him to plan anything that the dc might benefit from or enjoy, it's starting to make me seriously resent him. Since covid he has been boring in general if I'm honest. There is always a problem or a reason why we can't do anything - money or the youngest won't like it - being the favourite ones. He just drains me and makes life feel like such a drag.

I see friends whose partners book things and arrange things. My own dad used to be like this as well. I'm busy with all the other life admin, work, kids stuff and sometimes it would just be nice to have somebody else make a suggestion to do something enjoyable. All dh leaves the house for is to walk the dogs and go to work. He doesn't socialise either.

Realistically I know I can't leave him. We have young dc and a big mortgage. And overall we rub along well together but in all honesty if I'd known he would end up making me feel so down and bored I would have had very serious reservations about him in the beginning. As it was he used to be quite fun and often planned weekends away. Maybe married life and kids has made him boring.

Is anyone else's dh like this? I know people will say 'just do things alone or with friends' but surely families are supposed to make memories and have good times together. Why would he prefer to just be at home in his slippers?

I thi k just settle for the positives you have; secure home, income, health and DC.
That's a lot of plusses in some people's eyes.
Personally I found doing things, days out, holidays with other mums with same age kids the norm and very sucessful.
You have best of both worlds. Don't be green eyed over your friend's situation. You have plenty. Be content with that.

Same age gap between DH and I as you OP and your DH but our situation is probably reversed. He probably thinks I am the boring one as I hardly go out. He is really sociable and likes going places. But we have a great sex life and are very good friends, love each other still after having four children together. It's getting better as time goes on. We learn to compromise and accept our differences.

You're allowed to leave him for any reason you like op he doesn't have to be horrible and mortgages are sort out-able. I would make it clear you're unhappy to the extent of maybe leaving him now.
Days out are indeed so expensive but you can both channel lockdown picnics and woodland walks etc

Thanks all. Having calmed down and reflected a bit I think I'm perhaps being a bit harsh. I do find it very draining and deflating but I also think at this time of year im guilty of seeing other peoples perfect insta shots and feeling like we aren't doing enough.

Don't get me wrong, dh could definitely be more dynamic but it's not a deal breaker, for now at least.

Life if just tough at the moment. School holidays are full on and I'm juggling work too. We have no family help and I think sometimes we forget to make time for each other because we so bogged down by the daily grind. Then when I'm met with disinterest when I suggest things it just tips me over the edge I guess.

I'm the main planner of holidays and days out in our house - DH could not really be relied upon to think up something unless it's a tried and tested thing we've done before. I don't think it is personality - I am the introvert and can be socially anxious, this probably makes me a bit picky about where we go but I do like being out and about. Thankfully my DH is generally on board and he enjoys driving whereas I don't - so it balances out that way - I'm the navigator, he'll get us to where we need to be.

Will he do low key things like tea in a park or an evening walk? Sometimes those are enough to reconnect and bring some calm.

You say that marriage and kids has made him boring but perhaps they have made him bored and this is reflecting in his lack of effort. If he had it in him once then it is in there. Was he desperate to have kids or did he just go along with it for you? It sounds like he isn’t keen on family life and certainly not one full of activities and days out.

Yes, I could have written this post. But mine doesn't even want to go on same sort of holidays anymore. Feel like life will pass me by.

I took my kids to ‘fun’ things like Legoland and whipsnade without my DH. We were both happy.

It is a tricky one if he STOPs you booking things that you find fun, that would be a deal breaker, otherwise you can find other families to do energetic fun stuff with.

personally it is quite useful having a partner that you know will be happy at home, don’t have to worry about double booking or both being out at the same time.

also stop using social media !!!!!!!!!

Please don't let life pass you by! I took dc on holiday on my own this year. We climbed mountains, toured ancient ruins, took part in water sports, learned phrases in foreign languages, tried amazing food, relaxed and had fun.
Dh stayed at home, worked and enjoyed pottering about in peace and quiet.

Sounds like my DH tbh age gap included.
Im building up to a spontaneous trip to France soon sans him.
maybe just living our lives as we wish will be enough to give them a kick up the bum.

Is he depressed? You said he changed after Covid. Maybe some marriage counselling would help, definitely wouldn’t advise putting it on the back burner it could just get worse with time.

It could be others have been responsible and he just folows

Jesus I'm glad I'm single these men soundboring as fuck!!