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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Life insurance - stepchild.

84 replies

Organisedchaos2 · 09/08/2023 05:38

Hi
have my own DC and a Step DC.
they are loved equally in every way.
step DC mum lost custody of them when they were a baby via social services.
unfortunately The sudden passing of ex DP has been challenging for all involved and there is now a custody battle going on.
there is an inheritance including a house which the bulk was left to myself - who they also had left guardianship to.
long term we do not know what will happen with DSC.
regarding the money however their mother would like me to put it in a trust fund, she doesn’t want me to refuse my part because then it would be split equally between the others listed and wouldn’t help step DC out either apart from some would go to his part but not all.
however I’m now a single mum on universal credits as well as working and so this would potentially mean I would lose all help from universal credits ?
they are of course furious but I am not doing it out of spite. I will of course try anyway I can but I can’t survive without UC if I put the whole money in to a trust fund !
an I in the wrong and should I find another way to survive ?

OP posts:
Frenchfancy · 09/08/2023 06:00

So the money and house were left to you? Along with custody of DSC? Then the money is yours. It will mean you can bring up your children.

Do not refuse this money. No one else has the right to tell you what to do.

Everyone is grieving, make no big decisions for a year and a day.

Sorry for your loss.

Original poster
Organisedchaos2 · 09/08/2023 06:02

Yes the house completely to me
insurance - split but most to me
currently DSC is in my care but this is being disputed long term.

OP posts:
Caprisunny · 09/08/2023 06:04

I would just point out that your DSC will inherit a 1/3 from you when you pass like your child.

Caprisunny · 09/08/2023 06:04

*children

Caprisunny · 09/08/2023 06:05

Also how old is DSC, aren’t they likely to be old enough to have some input in where they live?

Northernsoullover · 09/08/2023 06:08

Is the house paid off? You'd still get UC just not the housing element. How much money are we talking? I'm a bit confused by your post sorry.

Original poster
Organisedchaos2 · 09/08/2023 06:09

@Caprisunny no :( young primary school aged with autism and non verbal.
in the interim they are with us and we will fight for him to stay but there is no way of knowing at the moment.
their argument is that it was left to me to raise DSC but if I will not be then it shouldn’t be mine.

OP posts:
Original poster
Organisedchaos2 · 09/08/2023 06:10

@Northernsoullover Universal credit would stop due to the amount of money that I would have in account before then passing it over in to a trust fund.

OP posts:
Codlingmoths · 09/08/2023 06:11

Why does the mother want it in a trust fund? How much contact do they have that she thinks she has a say in your inheritance?
you should take it and use it how best it helps you to bring up your dc and sdc. I don’t know how uc works in terms of what might mean you could still get it, but surely this is an opportunity. could you use the money to fund childcare so it’s easier for you to work and build a career? If you need it it does not go into a trust fund (unless you are the beneficiary and there’s a good reason that’s the best structure for it)

user1492757084 · 09/08/2023 06:14

I would seek serious financial and legal advice.
You need to work out the best way forward and it could be complex.
You might need a smart advisor to explain options to the other parties.
Challenging wills and paying out large fees will probably not benefit you all best.

Original poster
Organisedchaos2 · 09/08/2023 06:14

@Codlingmoths because she is fighting for custody and believes the money should not go to me if he was not to live with me
money wise would be around 60k. But if I put it straight in to a trust I would still be without UC.

OP posts:
user1492757084 · 09/08/2023 06:17

Why not keep the house?

Zonder · 09/08/2023 06:20

Is she likely to win a custody battle? It seems unlikely looking at the child's history.

Original poster
Organisedchaos2 · 09/08/2023 06:23

@Zonder the issue currently she is staying that if her assessment fails then she wants DSC to go to her sister and they have both come forward.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 09/08/2023 06:33

It was all left to you. She doesn't get to tell you how to use it.

Codlingmoths · 09/08/2023 06:37

The inheritance is for you. This woman who hasn’t brought up her own child gets no say in it. There’s a reason the inheritance didn’t go to her. I’m sure you will appropriately recognise the child in your will and if you do lose custody, make arrangements that support the child if you can afford to do so, take the money. You would be crazy to listen to her and deprive yourself of both the money and of UC by putting it in a trust - your dc and sdc need you!

Codlingmoths · 09/08/2023 06:38

There’s no issue, they don’t get to ask to bring up the child and also demand your inheritance. If they want to put in a claim for the child, they need to be prepared to support the child.

Original poster
Organisedchaos2 · 09/08/2023 06:38

@GoodChat thank you, I guess my issue is guilt surrounding DSC. I am sure it was left the way it was to support him, which makes me feel guilty that if I can’t do that maybe she’s right.

OP posts:
Original poster
Organisedchaos2 · 09/08/2023 06:40

I know and trust me, what I want most in the world is not to lose them. I have been their main carer for 95 percent of their life. I am doing everything in my power to keep them with us but the system is a weird thing and recently I have become more panicky they it will go the other way.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 09/08/2023 06:44

Organisedchaos2 · 09/08/2023 06:38

@GoodChat thank you, I guess my issue is guilt surrounding DSC. I am sure it was left the way it was to support him, which makes me feel guilty that if I can’t do that maybe she’s right.

You're going to do everything in your power to support him and presumably have made a lot of sacrifices previously to support him.

You can choose to give him some money when he's old enough to look after it himself, if you wish to do so.

You don't need to feel guilty.

BoobsOnTheMoon · 09/08/2023 06:46

Be careful of what UC call "intentional deprivation of capital" because if they consider you have deliberately given away money in order to remain eligible for benefits they will treat you as though you still have the money anyway!

I assume courts and social services are involved? They'd have to have very compelling reasons to disrupt the stability you've given to a child with what sound like complex needs and I imagine will be reluctant to change the status quo.

TeenDivided · 09/08/2023 06:46

The issue is the money was left directly to you not the dsc?

In that case can you look at a deed of variation of the will so that it goes to dsc, held in trust, and trustees release funds to you for specific reasons?

NB. I am not a lawyer. Get legal advice.

Original poster
Organisedchaos2 · 09/08/2023 06:49

@BoobsOnTheMoon yes that’s my worry regarding UC. Yes everything is motion at the moment but also at a standstill waiting for dates etc

It was never “ my kids, his kids “ they lived in the same house and they were just our kids. I’m absolutely terrified of losing but I know apart from doing what I can it’s ultimately not my decision.

OP posts:
YetMoreNewBeginnings · 09/08/2023 06:49

The money was left to you.

If they had wanted it in trust for the children that’s what would have happened.

The fact it’s come up would make me wonder very strongly if there was a financial motivation in going for custody of your DSC.

Your finances are none of their business.

And you can’t give money away and claim UC anyway so it’s not even relevant. It’s yours and you need it.

Original poster
Organisedchaos2 · 09/08/2023 06:50

@TeenDivided yes

I will look in to that, thank you.

OP posts:
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