Taking my daughter's partner on family holiday

[DNo]

Our daughter is 16, been with her boyfriend for over a year and he is a lovely person who we get on very well with and spend a lot of time together. His family are very similar to us, she is well liked by them too.

They have invited her on their family holiday this year abroad with no expectations on us to pay for her, we are very grateful. He is the youngest child and the two older children have moved out and are independent adults. We have a UK based holiday planned for us and our 2 younger sons.

Issue is that next year we are planning on going abroad for 10 days, we've saved up for 2 years for it. We can't afford to pay for him to join us but would be more than happy for him to join us and would actively welcome it as this may be the last holiday abroad we get with our daughter.

Can we ask his parents to pay for his place or do we need to do our best to accommodate him too?

All opinions welcome as well as questions. Thank you!

Agree. I am not on board with anything that encourages "couplehood" for minor children.

It would have been best to decline the offer and have your child stay home, then there'd be no dilemma about next year and no pressure on them to stay as "partners." (ugh.)

Imagine if next year's trip were booked to include boyfriend, and then daughter wanted to break up but felt she couldn't because you'd spent all that money?

Children should be free and unencumbered, to focus on school, future careers, just navigating the world.

Completely agree.

I am still a bit 😳at the term 'partner'.

Has anyone read the full thread? I've literally said it was a word I regret using, it's not one I use day to day and that's it?

Ok Op.

I apologise. I am simply saying that I wouldn't allow my 16yr old dd to go on holiday with a boyfriend and his family.

I don't think you should concern yourself with their relationship status, and therefore, go ahead and book next year's holiday.

It could well be your last with her so keep it for your family only.

I’d either insist on paying for my daughters share of the holiday with them or I’d pay for her boyfriend to go with us next year. I’d never accept the free holiday for daughter and then ask the boyfriends parents to pay for his. Just seems cheeky.

This sounds lovely but also a wreck waiting to happen when they split up hopefully they won't but she is 16 I think you all are to close

Your child - and she is still a child for another two years is way too young for this op. You are allowing her to be put under enormous pressure. Developmentally she needs space, time to grow into herself.

I would suggest if they are together next year and she is seventeen they can holiday together possibly. This year - no way.
Spend the time organising sleepovers with her friends, doing sport and being sixteen.

People baby their kids so much now. My 16 yo DS would have been mature enough to have gone on holiday with a GF, it's not playing house FFS. I would have been fine with it however I don't think you should feel you have to reciprocate at all. I don't think anyone would expect you to pay at all. Just play it all by ear nearer the time.

I think it’s totally different circumstances. One persons financial security doesn’t mean the others is the same. Explain to the parents that you have 3 kids to pay for and he is more than welcome but unfortunately you will have to ask for him to be paid for.

Chances are they may not still be together then.
So I wouldn't mention it.
If when it cones round they are still together and it's possible to add him on then you make the offer, but say that unfortunately he would have to pay for himself as its not something you can afford even though you are very grateful for taking your daughter.

What many people do for friends of kids is ask the extra person to pay for their flights and any spending money including meals out, but absorb his accommodation and any food within the hotel or groceries into theirs.

I think it does depend how much and whether you can really afford it though. Whether you are spending money on essentials or luxuries.

I think it’s certainly worth a conversation with his parents. Not him though so they don’t get their hopes up. Surely adults are familiar with eachothers situation.

For those who said stop them playing house, remember not even 50 years ago 16 years old got married and nobody bat an eye. This looks like a wonderful coming of age story which is great. ☺️

You are surely not going to actually book next year's holiday now. Wait until you are going to book and ask them then, however they may not still be together. I have known couples who married after being a couple since teens but plenty more who split up, so be cautious.

I would think his parents would offer to pay, at least for some of it.

@ThatADHDmama
You really need to start your own thread here - I think if you report your thread and ask @mnhq they will do it for you .

@DNo your thread seems to have been mistakenly revived but just wondered whether you resolved your dilemma ?

Not resolved and how do I start my own thread?? New to this

If you want it under chat - go into 'topics' and then you will find 'chat' under the heading 'fun & games'. Click on 'new' and then you can start your own thread .

..

My dd went away with her boyfriend's family last summer. (They were both 18.) His family invited her and they paid - she offered to contribute but they wouldn't accept. Lovely.

We have not reciprocated and probably won't for the next few years. Not because I don't like her bf - I think he is fab - but because of the type of holiday that we prefer. It would massively hike up our costs and change the whole dynamic. DD still wants to come with us regardless and they are planning their own separate trip as well. If I'm feeling generous, I might help them both towards the cost of that.

I don't think families necessarily have to match exactly what the other does. If they're old enough to have boyfriends/girlfriends, then I think they're old enough to be able to understand that everyone's situation is different, and that different families function in different ways. DD and her BF both seem cool with that.

FWIW, dd and her bf got together over 2 years ago at 16, and they're still going strong, despite being long distance for much of the last year. I have no idea whether they'll stay together in the long term, but they're keen to keep things going for now.

@DNo just wondering is your dd with her boyfriend this year are you booking him
I took my eldest daughter bf on last two holidays but planning not to this year as its approx 1500 euros extra if you add him in for meals too as he never spends I actually find this rude.
My dd2 now also has a bf so not paying out for 2 extras so I said they come with us by themselves. Dd2 had bit of grumble but they are already going on holiday together and each paying their own.

Anything can happen between now and next year, they are only sixteen and may not even be together. You could let it be known that you have already made arrangements for next year's holiday abroad and then there will be no expectations. If they do stay together, there will be other opportunities.

Hi, just got a notification this is still ongoing!

The answer is yes, we have booked him onto our holiday. We took him to center parcs end of last year too and all was fine. She is going with his family for another week away in May.

All going well for now. 👍

Way too much pressure to put on a 16yo’s relationship.

if you insist on having him join in, you will just have to be honest that you have different financial circumstances.

and she may well ‘thrive’ with him
there too. Why not?