To wonder about other countries approaches to raising children

[Mamabear04]

I was approached in a supermarket by an elderly woman who I think just wanted a chat because she was lonely. I was with my baby and she proceeded to tell me about her son who lives in the Netherlands and how they let their kids stay up late, unlike British parents who can't wait to get their kids to bed. It got me to wondering about how other cultures raise their kids. I do put my children to bed early at 7pm, yes because I like to have the evenings to rest but also it means they gets a solid 11-12 hours sleep and wake for the working day at 7am. A friend who lives in France said that kids are seen and not heard there and have hardly any play parks (I was a bit shocked about the play parks tbh), she also said Israeli families consider their kids the biggest blessing from God and so let their kids do anything (in a nice way not an antisemitic way. They are a multicultural family). I also have a friend who said her cousin still sleeps in the same room as her parents at 9 years old and they live in UAE. I'm just so curious about how other cultures raise their kids and also how people see British families as well. I only ever hear that British families don't eat together and don't engage with their kids. Anyone from outwith the UK want to tell about how they raise their children? Do you really think of British families like this?

I grew up in Italy and Austria and was so surprised that everything is fenced in in the UK: schools, playgrounds, nurseries. Never seen it before.

@SoSad44 yeah, it was hard for me to adapt to the UK system although I am incredibly grateful to the NHS

In Germany young children have far more freedom and are far more independent

my friends children started to walk to school alone (15 min walk) from 6

my family in America (and their friends) they are extremely over protective, no one is to be trusted and children never get public transport but then they are quite obsessed with crime bordering on being paranoid

England, not UK. Lots of Scottish schools have rights of way through them and have facilities that can be used by the community outside of school hours.

I think the strict school security was really enforced after Dunblane

Not all schools! What generalisations are on this thread! Our local school is not fenced off and folk can access it to use football field, netball courts etc.

Hmm. I live in the US. Plenty of kids where i live use public transportation and walk to places. Do your family and their friends live in a high crime area?

This is so interesting!

I live in Thailand and have retained some very 'British' approaches to parenting, e.g. my kids go to bed early and are expected to have some independence regarding feeding themselves etc from quite small. I'm lucky to live in a very safe compound so they played out independently from tiny, and any other adults would step in if there were a problem (both residents and gardeners, nannies etc).

One Thai thing I've ended up adopting is that 2 of my kids sleep in bed with me, despite being far too old by British standards. I didn't co-sleep with them as babies but they've ended up with me and I'm fine with it. They are now 9 and 6. In Thailand it is not uncommon for whole families to sleep together, and even in rich families where everyone has their own bedroom, the kids might still sleep with their parents. So it isn't weird here at all. It also reduces my ac bill haha!

Rich kids here tend to have little independence as they are cared for by nannies as well as parents, so rarely alone. They are late to learn to feed themselves or use the bathroom independently. Nannies will follow them round literally spoon-feeding them at 6 years old. They have drivers so many don't learn how to use the (very safe and clean) public transport system. Poorer kids hang out for whole days while their parents work, often chilling in the back of a pick-up truck or just playing in the corner of a restaurant or shop, wherever the mother is working.

People love children here so you can take kids into any restaurant and they will be welcomed, even high-end places. As a generalization, I would say the richer Thai families (who I have more experience with) are very risk averse and coddle their kids more than Brits do. For example, some will follow a school trip to whatever local attraction and hang around while the class is enjoying their day. Not as a class helper (they do this, too) but just to be nearby. Some give their tiny kids watches with trackers on and are very reluctant to send them on overnight school trips.

Having said all this, Thailand is a very hierarchical society and respect is a massive thing, so Thai children (and adults) tend to be very polite with their elders.

Fair enough. I teach in England and the majority of schools do have high level fencing here. Where I teach is very unusual, in that it doesn't, and that's only because it's in a historical conservation area. It's a shame more schools don't allow community use of facilities; I'm glad to hear yours does.

It’s very common where I live, rural and small villages/secondary schools. They have shared and open facilities with the community.

I am more lax than my parents in some ways but more strict in others. I don’t obsessively impose screen time limits, don’t force them to bed early when they’re not tired, and they have a lot of autonomy. We eat about 7 and they’re in bed about 8.30. But at the same time I absolutely do not let them out unsupervised. We have a lot of immigrants here and there are repeated issues with groups of men hanging about near parks staring at kids and trying to get them in cars. It’s not safe like it was when I was a kid. I honestly can’t see me letting them out without adult supervision until they leave school.

I volunteer with an Irish charity. Apparently extreme violence against kids is commonplace there. It’s estimated more than 30-40 percent of Irish children are abused by family and are very much expected to take care of themselves by 16 but without any of the supporting infrastructure. So your experience is probably only from your little bubble.

Not here. I live in a major city - most schools (even primaries) don’t have any fencing even in residential areas. I imagine the high fencing might be a feature in London only

Where n earth are you getting these statistics from? And if you volunteer with an Irish charity, why do you appear to have such a bizarre mischaracterisation of Irish society?

I’m not Spanish but observations when I went on holiday to Spain (Valencia) recently. There are play parks everywhere, literally on each corner so my two had a ball (this might be more to do with the good weather) so child friendly in that respect. I also noticed in restaurants (or at least the ones we went to) are less ‘child friendly’ so no specific children menus, high chairs, children’s activities. Ours just had to sit on normal chairs and share from what we were eating. However, I would say people are more child friendly there is terms of the children are seen as mini adults in restaurants and welcomed and included, rather than always trying to keep them quiet with kids stuff and screens etc. just observations from a couple of weeks there!

a lot of places in Italy don’t have child menus, children are expected to eat grown up food.
even though i grew up walking to school and never remember any incidents I would feel nervous about my DC doing it. My cousins’ children in Italy all walk to school from age 6. 15-20mins one way. Usually kids walk in little groups with kids from the neighborhood.

@Piranhaha have you asked the 'immigrants' why they're hanging around parks? Certainly my understanding from speaking to them is that there is a lot more emphasis on spending times outdoors, adult men meeting in parks to chat, smoke, walk together. It's what happens in pubs but in parks. Certainly nothing nefarious.

Yes my bad, it’s obviously perfectly normal for groups of men to hang around near playgrounds in cars, chatting and pointing at little kids 🙄

These responses are so interesting! It wasn't my intention when starting the thread for it to be a bashing for UK parents. I was just very much interested in the way other cultures do things! It's quite obvious that UK approaches to parenting definitely suit our culture ie early bedtimes because kids don't nap from a much younger age, less freedom and more safeguarding due to horrific events like Jamie Bulger and the Dunblane massacre etc. I also think this concept of "just one more bite" and kids being encouraged to ear more is a hangover from our grandparents who grew up during WW2 when food was rationed and a fat baby = a good mother. Also thought it was a really interesting point PP made about US parents letting their kids choose how much they ate and it didn't work! This is my fear in doing this with DC!

Maybe schools need to be fenced because of a high crime rate? Easy pickings for people to try and break in. This also applies to Scottish schools. As if there is a lower rate of crime up there..🙄

My dh was brought up in France , it’s a lot easier on parents to work there and if all the kids are eating in school then easier again as parents don’t have to make lunches. It’s much harder work here , I’ve 3 dcs and 3 lunches to make every single morning , my youngest son is finished school at 1pm for two whole years and others finished at 2.30 so far earlier than France or some other countries so much harder on parents to organise childcare.
Also if kids have only had a few sandwiches at their desk then yes , they are very hungry so often have dinner when they get home early evening (for those scoffing at early eating ).
I’m not in the UK, I’m in Ireland and I think our education system , particularly primary is actually extremely good . The French system seems very, very old school and I don’t see good provisions for children with sn at all over there . Also I work in education and taking into account concentration spans etc having young dcs in school until 5pm everyday is counter productive and not conducive to good learning but much easier on parents again.
We all eat together at the table and my dcs eat everything pretty much and we are Irish . We spend months in France and have lived there and often just follow local times and kids go to bed late but all of ours get up before 7am no matter what and this is over weeks and months only they are now overtired and cranky 🤷🏻‍♀️ and we don’t get a break then.
There’s good and bad in every culture. This idea that the french are doing it all right is cringe though …

So, Canada - very different (laxer) attitude to risk, but also higher expectations that children will sort themselves out. Big emphasis on children getting along, playing nicely, having manners. Very active and outdoorsy - everyone has to at least pretend they like to camp and hike 🤣

When DS was 18 months old, his nursery were going out to the nursery garden, which due to the location of the nursery, meant walking down the pavement next to an 8 lane road for a hundred meters or so. One teacher, 8 toddlers. DS ran off (totally unlike him, he was quite timid and used to stick to me like glue), and they called ME in, to ask me what I was going to do about HIS behaviour. Whereas in the UK, I’d have been expecting to be giving them a rocket for unsafe supervision levels.

But there was also a lot of “hey friends!” conversations between the teachers and children, focusing on everyone getting along, taking turns, eating nicely. They were expected to get themselves into and out of snow gear (jackets, snow pants, hats, boots, gloves) fro 18 months with minimal assistance. Early toilet training. No fussy eating.

Germany: very very very outdoorsy, regardless of the weather. The Kita we used was vegan, with a massive focus on organic food. The children made their own breakfasts (spread butter and ham, poured milk, etc), and tidied away afterwards. Permanently outside in summer (they had a big sail for shade). Toilet trained by 3. Lots of cargo bikes, and children rode their bikes to nursery with their parents from a young age. A surprising number of non-working mums, though it’s possible they just had longer maternity leaves and planned to go back. Far less emphasis on “clubs” - you do activities as a family, just don’t spend your Saturdays trailing around swimming lessons, football club and ballet class. Maybe the children just take themselves when they are older, we left when DS was quite young.

@Wenfy what part of Ireland do you live in ? I work in an area that’s relevant to what you are talking about and those statistics you have pointed out sound so extreme . Do you have some proof or facts ? I actually relate a lot more to the poster you quoted re sport and part time work and GAA etc, there are of course deprived areas particularly in certain cities and this has gotten worse with Col but in now way is what you’re quoted normal . Where in Ireland are you ?

@turkeyboots exactly the same experience, also in Ireland . My dcs play outside loads on their one in a park but I can see them . Loads of sports and outside play , we had found restaurants that do “kids food “ but it’s basically a cheaper version than adults which is fantastic , my dcs love mussels so get the kids ones which is almost the fame size as adult one and half the price.

Irish secondary schools are off for 3 months and primary off for 2 months and schools don’t care if we take them out even for months , maybe only in primary though.. we took our dcs out for months to learn a language and travel and they said “oh great experience “ although they are only in primary so prob not the same in secondary.
When we go to France we go June and part of July as it starts to get very hot and it always feel a bit crap that all their young friends and family are still stuck in school
tbh ..