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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be furious DH just smacked DS (2)

83 replies

Shaniece · 27/02/2008 20:00

for putting a bit of lego in his mouth - and yesturday he smacked him for pooing on the floor (he missed the potty). I don't see what the big deal is regarding pooing on the floor - i mean he is only 2 and clearly not ready.

I really don't agree with smacking children, I don't think it achieves anything at all. DH and I have completely different ideas about bringing up our DC's.

I am feeling really pissed off right now. I'm typing this quickly whilst he puts him to bed. AIBU to be so annoyed?

OP posts:
WorzselMummage · 27/02/2008 20:02

NO your not atall and i am pro smacking ( occasionally and for the right reasons ). It not right to smack a child for making a mistake.. atall !

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 27/02/2008 20:04

He put Lego in his mouth because he is two. It isn't naughty.

Smacking him for a poo on the floor will really help the training.

YANBU

VeniVidiVickiQV · 27/02/2008 20:04

Do you think you could smack him next time your DH puts something in his mouth? Or splashes when he slashes?

That oughta fix it

Tortington · 27/02/2008 20:04

lazy parenting

meemar · 27/02/2008 20:05

You need to discuss this with him properly. You cannot both be bringing up your son with such different ideas about what is acceptable discipline.

People have varying views on smacking, and I personally don't like it or feel it's necessary but especially for a 2 year old missing the potty or putting lego in his mouth . That is unnacceptable

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 27/02/2008 20:05

Custy

Beat me to it.

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 27/02/2008 20:06

And actually I would have said, I will put him to bed I am not sure I trust you at the moment.

Is he always like this, or is he under some sort of pressure ??

LittleMissTickles · 27/02/2008 20:07

YANBU, you definitely need to discuss this with together at lenght, until he sees the light!

Original poster
Shaniece · 27/02/2008 20:07

Custardo - what do you mean by lazy parenting??

OP posts:
BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 27/02/2008 20:08

She means it is easier to smack, than it is to tell the child no, and spend some time interacting with them.

At least that is what I meant.

Youcannotbeserious · 27/02/2008 20:08

I don't think you are being unreasonable.

I smacked my little SD once for picking up thumb tacks and trying to put them in her mouth. She was about two, and was having a bit of a paddy, and I needed to get her full attention quickly. I am not particularily proud of it, but felt I needed to stop her doing that... so the lego... MAYBE...

But, missing the potty... Nope sorry, out of order. 2YO are going to miss occasionally. Smacking him could lead to him not wanting to use the potty. Sorry, but I wouldn't even smack a puppy for a mistake with house training. It needs to be positive reinforcement all of the way.

So, I think you have every right to be ticked off!

gemmummy · 27/02/2008 20:08

wrong wrong wrong. you need to get him sorted! i don't dissaprove of smacking, but you gotta pick your moments.

CrushWithEyeliner · 27/02/2008 20:09

oh s that is too much, why on earth did he do it?
I fear he may be taking out his frustrations, surely he didn't think your DS was doing anything wrong? (not that even that would justify smacking imo)

YouKnowNothingOfTheCrunch · 27/02/2008 20:10

Bloody ridiculous. Custy's right. He should be ashamed. (Not anti-corporal punishment in the right situation - not pro either...)

meemar · 27/02/2008 20:10

Shaniece - I think it means using smacking as a first resort because he can't think of another way to deal with the behaviour.

My DS2 is potty training at the moment and the thought of smacking him for making mistake makes me want to cry. Please talk to your husband about this.

MrsBigD · 27/02/2008 20:11

Shaniece, I'm not totally against smacking, but the 2 situations you've described didn't call for it imho.

Lego in mouth = risky if he slaps .. he might swallow it in shock

and for pooing next to the potty... well at least he's trying to used the potty!

Rachmumoftwo · 27/02/2008 20:12

YANBU
Even if I agreed with smacking, 2 is still a baby, and missing the potty or chewing Lego are not terrible things to do. You need to talk about how you both feel about discipline, and remember, while you may have mumsnet, TV, magazines etc. for parenting advice, many men only have their own experiences as children to draw upon, and may need re-educating.

NorthernLurker · 27/02/2008 20:12

If I had a piece of Lego in my mouth and someone smacked me I think I would probably swallow it in shock!

I have smacked in the past and may or may not smack dd3 - but never for anything as trivial as this. YANBU.

You do need to get this sorted before ds gets any bigger though - he is going to notice you have different views and that will make things difficult for all of you.

JingleyJen · 27/02/2008 20:19

So I think that you should draw a line under recent behaviour. Sit down with him when you are calm, and be honest with each other, only you two can decide what you see as acceptable discipline.

You should try to make agreement for the future as well as the current problem because at the point your child realises that you don't agree he will start playing you off against each other.

I don't think you are being unreasonable in being shocked but if you haven't got agreement in the house it is very difficult as he is the childs parent and has as much right to decide as you do.

Lots of talking, are you against smacking all together? if not what are your boundaries (AM NOT expecting you to answer these questions online more for you to talk though.)

Good luck!

Original poster
Shaniece · 27/02/2008 20:23

Thanks for replies. I just told DH I didn't agree with him smacking DS for those reasons and he replied "well it didn't do me any harm as a kid, my parents used to smack me" - I did explain that our parents were a different generation, and today people approach (or should) these situations differently - he told me I was a soft touch and a walk over .

OP posts:
Youcannotbeserious · 27/02/2008 20:26

Sorry, but I really disagree with that.

Smacking does have lasting effects.

My parents smacked me - a couple of times for stuff that was really, totally out of my control (and I am not talking a tap on the legs).

For sure, it keeps a child in check, but it does have knock on effects.

As far as I am concerned, smacking should only be used when a child knows (a) what he's done wrong and (b) was in control of that. Missing a potty doesn't come close!

AbbeyA · 27/02/2008 20:31

I think that you need to get him to sit down one day soon when you are not stressed and insist that you talk about it properly. It sounds difficult because of his upbringing but you have to do it, you can't smack a child for doing what comes naturally like putting lego in his mouth or making a mistake with coordination. Show him that you are not a soft touch and a walkover by refusing to accept it. Your DC is too young to stand up for himself-you have to do it for him.

Lulumama · 27/02/2008 20:40

oh dear

there are other options available to you , that do not make you a soft touch, but to be honest, neither of the events you describe are needing discipline

i have a 2.5 year old.. she puts stuff in her mouth, the best way i have found to deal with it, is to put my hand under her mouth, get down to her level, and say 'spit!' and she happily obliges, i then say ' we don;t put coins/dog biscuits/ rabbit food/ dust bunnies into our mouths'... and leave it at that.. she rarely does it now, and if she does, she spits it out immedately

it is not naughty, it is exploring things, she still
'mouths' things, like a younger child would...

you and your DH need to talk and establish some rules on what is naughtienss, and what is normal toddler behaviour

Lulumama · 27/02/2008 20:41

it has harmed him, as he has no real idea of what constitues deliberate deifant behaviour that needs sorting out, and thinks that normal toddler behaviour is naughty!

Divastrop · 27/02/2008 20:45

does your dh actually remember being smacked at the age of 2,then?

blimey,i had a word with my dh the other day becuase he raised his voice to dd2(2.3)as she had tried to change her own nappy and got poo on the floor.i pointed out that its a good sign she is getting ready to use the potty,and calmly told dd2 to tell us if she needed/had done a poo next time.

i dont smack my dc.i used to smack my older 2 when they were little,as i knew no other way.but i went on parenting courses etc and learnt other ways to dicipline them.

luckily my dh is opposed to smacking,and we often discuss how we are going to deal with bad behaviour,and make sure we both agree on things before putting them into practise.

pooing on the floor is not bad behaviour,though,not from a 2 year old.i suppose it would be if he gets his own back by curling one on his dad's pillow when he's 12 ,but he should be able to fight back by then.

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